Would you be able to deal with emotions this way? | INFJ Forum

Would you be able to deal with emotions this way?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by la boheme, Jan 8, 2015.

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  1. la boheme

    la boheme Regular Poster

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    I'd like to share my approach to dealing with my feelings and would like to know if you'd be able to help me with them. It's the approach I am interested in, not any particular problem. So, when I feel offended by something my way to deal with it is to think through the events surrounding the emotion to understand as completely as possible what happened and, in particular, to see where I and others went wrong so that I can know what I should really feel about it. If I discover I was wrong, for example, then I would feel some responsibility and probably remorse, but if I found, instead, that I was wronged, then I would feel an injustice had been done and would probably feel indignant.

    Would you be able to sit through a session exploring what happened and why and who was to blame? It would involve a lot of Ti and Ne (for me) and Ni (for you) and maybe Fe. Or would you find it too tedious to examine these events and people and motivations in detail?

    How, btw, do you deal with your feelings? Is it anything like this? Or entirely different?
     
  2. SealHammer

    SealHammer Flying Quesadilla

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    What you're describing is like the basis of couples/family therapy as far as I'm aware. You break down unpleasant interactions and see who did what wrong and, most importantly, why they did it. It's CBT for groups.

    I'm not sure whether I'd consider it a process to deal with emotions so much as a process to deal with maladaptive and destructive behaviors, but it works real good for that.
     
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    #2 SealHammer, Jan 8, 2015
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  3. OP
    la boheme

    la boheme Regular Poster

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    "That" meaning CBT. I need my partner to work it through with me so she will see it from my point of view. Knowing she sees it the way I see it helps assuage the feelings. I also need her to point out inconsistencies, places where I am wrong so I can decide the truth of the matter and learn. Either way, it is not enough to receive a hug and a "there, there, things will be OK". That doesn't satisfy my understanding or my need to be understood. In fact, I might take it as patronizing and showing a lack of concern and empathy.

    So, are there any NFs who could undertake such an examination with an INTP?
     
  4. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    I know exactly what you mean and, yes, that approach works very well. Maybe it's also my Te helping along.
    One difference though. I don't look for who's to blame. I just look for the causes. I want to understand it. I want to understand my emotion. When I understand it, I calm down.

    I have trouble with executing this approach when I'm too emotional. If that's the case, I can't see or analyse the surrounding events and the context rationally. It's like Fi takes over control and supresses my Te.
    If I calm down a little, I can analyse the events and calm down completely.
     
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    la boheme

    la boheme Regular Poster

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    Yes, when I feel strong emotions I also have trouble being perfectly objective and can't or won't always give proper consideration to the other points of view. That's why another person can help, by stating the other perspectives that I can't or won't see in the moment. Talking through the events also has a cathartic effect, expending pent-up energies. And the act of sharing your perspective with someone is reassuring, letting you know you are understood. So this process helps the understanding and feelings.
     
  6. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    Exactly. Except that once when I was angry and the people that should've calmed me down and said I was angry without proper reason, but instead I was told that I had every right to be so angry and that it would be ok. In their defence, they were drunk.
     
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