[INFJ] Worst fears and how do you cope/dealt/healed them?

[ESC2367]

My worst fear is kinda a weird one, because i have a tendency of over draining my social battery...
I don't want to get famous. It scares me because of all my trauma and the deciet i went through in my life... it would be a culture shock, I've never really had anyone i could turn to... and if i did, my "poor me" state of mind... would take over and they would think i am underestimating everyone elses... when they think this, i've come to the conclusion they don't want to talk about it and it is them who underestimate... (sadly, i don't have the poor me personality it was developed by the long term conflict in the residence of insanity.)

If any could look past that "poor me" aspect, i am only seeking advice on how to cope with it.

My current coping mechanism is closing away from everyone. If they underestimate me at my worst... then what kind of friend are they?

i mean i still care about them... but that just means that i don't have anyone... (and i lost trust in therapists...)

(this is what i mean by "poor me")

However, it is the fact that if i get famous especially before i can learn to cope better... i wouldn't know what to do... and get scared.

Another is along the lines of romance... i have a codependency problem. I cannot leave the house alone... even to the grocery store if i needed something... i was able to cope with music... however, covid struck and it's become more of a challenge.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

My worst fear is kinda a weird one, because i have a tendency of over draining my social battery...
I don't want to get famous. It scares me because of all my trauma and the deciet i went through in my life... it would be a culture shock, I've never really had anyone i could turn to... and if i did, my "poor me" state of mind... would take over and they would think i am underestimating everyone elses... when they think this, i've come to the conclusion they don't want to talk about it and it is them who underestimate... (sadly, i don't have the poor me personality it was developed by the long term conflict in the residence of insanity.)

If any could look past that "poor me" aspect, i am only seeking advice on how to cope with it.

My current coping mechanism is closing away from everyone. If they underestimate me at my worst... then what kind of friend are they?

i mean i still care about them... but that just means that i don't have anyone... (and i lost trust in therapists...)

(this is what i mean by "poor me")

However, it is the fact that if i get famous especially before i can learn to cope better... i wouldn't know what to do... and get scared.

Another is along the lines of romance... i have a codependency problem. I cannot leave the house alone... even to the grocery store if i needed something... i was able to cope with music... however, covid struck and it's become more of a challenge.

I share that sentiment.
I noticed a lot of the times that the very fear of what we don’t want can sometimes be the very fear of what we won’t have. When something like that was disorganized or unclear as a child, it’s a struggle as an adult. Hugs to you.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

If they underestimate me at my worst

What do you mean by 'underestimate'? Like, that they assume you can't manage things?
I feel I'm being dense here. It happens sometimes.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

What do you mean by 'underestimate'? Like, that they assume you can't manage things?
I feel I'm being dense here. It happens sometimes.

Yeah. I missed that statement too. Perhaps this is more along the lines of judgment when someone is at their worst damaged and pained place in life and relationships, but I don’t want to assume either.

 

[ESC2367]

What do you mean by 'underestimate'? Like, that they assume you can't manage things?
I feel I'm being dense here. It happens sometimes.

They tend to look at the issue a lot smaller than it is. (forgive me as i don't know how to explain exactly what i mean.)

Like an example would be comparing my experiences with their experiences... and thinking "if i can overcome this, surely you can too."

or, "Have you thought about those in Gaza? they have it pretty hard too." in which they completely overlook the fact my entire life was just like that... (not as much deadly violence... but still pretty much that...)

It what makes it a challenge as people tend to make my issues as a grain of sand. When in fact if i was "saved" (not in a religious sense... in a white knight sense) only ten years ago... i would probably been less afraid of humans and could speak better by now.


edited to add...
err... there are a lot of possibilities on how my life could have been... but it's to the point that it has become part of my daily life and personality.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

They tend to look at the issue a lot smaller than it is. (forgive me as i don't know how to explain exactly what i mean.)

No worries you're good. Thank you for explaining more in-depth! I understand what you were saying now.
It has a lot to do with perspectives. What's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
I don't envy your situation *hugs*

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

They tend to look at the issue a lot smaller than it is. (forgive me as i don't know how to explain exactly what i mean.)

Like an example would be comparing my experiences with their experiences... and thinking "if i can overcome this, surely you can too."

or, "Have you thought about those in Gaza? they have it pretty hard too." in which they completely overlook the fact my entire life was just like that... (not as much deadly violence... but still pretty much that...)

It what makes it a challenge as people tend to make my issues as a grain of sand. When in fact if i was "saved" (not in a religious sense... in a white knight sense) only ten years ago... i would probably been less afraid of humans and could speak better by now.

It’s the pain of being hurt by another that makes us wish someone would save us and instances like this that completely silence me. Sometimes I still wish someone would save me, sometimes I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault, like I should forgive them, wonder why I can’t communicate. Getting out of that frame of mind can be hard because you want to be able to define the boundaries of your life and not lose your values. Sometimes I feel so empty from what has happened I forget that there were times I had a heart I was willing to give out without end. I’m afraid sometimes I’ll never get back to that. And when you define those lines in life, it’s okay to tell yourself that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay that you feel that way and tell someone no. I’m limited in this way and value healing in ways that aren’t about responsibility to anything but myself. I hate when people tell me that too, but I try to remember that there’s people out there who are okay with it even if you aren’t and people who may not have the same heart or intention as you. Life is a mystery in this fashion and fighting against that fear is a part of the journey.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

edited to add...
err... there are a lot of possibilities on how my life could have been... but it's to the point that it has become part of my daily life and personality.

it’s hard to tell yourself that it isn’t yourself. It’s the memory that no one in a human capacity can just let go of and that’s not your fault for what someone did to you just as it isn’t your fault that you were there or that you’re here at all. Painful hugs.