[INFJ] Worst fears and how do you cope/dealt/healed them?

[TheFool]

What is or are your worst fears and how do you cope with them? Have you managed to heal any of them and if yes, please share your story!

Mine is HIV. I think I got it when I was child around the early 90’s as I saw a documentary about a boy who had HIV but his parents hid it from him till he died of it at very young age.

I guess it hit me so hard because I had had a heart surgery a few years earlier. Thing was that once we would go to the hospital and I would be operated my mom lied to me and said that I would go for trip. I fucking panicked as we arrived at the hospital and I understood that the hospital was the destination. At that time parents were not allowed to stay with their kids and could only visit them at the visiting times. It was a total nightmare for a 5-year-old kid like me..

After major surgery and few weeks at the hospital, a mistrust towards my mother grew inside me. It was not a good idea for me to watch documentary since it evoked a paranoid state of this young boy’s mind. I thought my parents were lying to me and hid the fact that I too had HIV.

That trauma has followed with ever since and I still experience fear when thinking about HIV. But for me the “cure” has been that I have faced the fear and studied quite a lot about the subject. I visioned myselg going through the whole “the test was postitive” scenario in my head and accepted the fact that I had gotten the virus. What I realized was that despite contracting HIV, life can continue as normal with the help of the medicines.

I no longer have unrational fears about having HIV and I test myself every now and then. To built the strength to overcome my fears, I have commited myself to face them instead of avoiding them.

Now it is your turn?

 

[Pin]

I really don't like this topic and it's not your fault OP, it's mine. I hate my fears.

My biggest fears are failure and being at the mercy of others.

 

[TheFool]

I really don't like this topic and it's not your fault OP, it's mine. I hate my fears.

My biggest fears are failure and being at the mercy of others.

Me neither. But I dislike even more the fact that by avoiding the experience of that uncomfortable sensation which triggers your parasympathetic nervous system has so much control over the quality of your life.

I used to have the same fears but after two burnouts I do not give a fuck about what others think about me. I just make sure that I do my best without exceeding my boundaries. Also I have learned to trust my friends and ask help if I need it. They will help me as gladly as I would help them if they had some problems in their lives.

 

[Ginny]

I have trust issues, something which got worse last year (unless it has only surfaced because of that breach), and I've been handling it ever since. I fear being manipulated, so I developed a strategy to let everything play out and trust noone until they have proven themselves non-toxic. In addition, there is my research which works from other angles, but they still have an effect on the same thing.

 

[flower]

My biggest fear is to lose all my loved ones and not having anyone in my life.

Completely alone, no one to call, no one to hug, no one to spend time with, no one who would ask how are you. Just having no one. What if I would get really sick or something else horrible would happen and there wouldn't be a single person in this world who would care?

I fear that so much. I know it won't never happen and become reality but just the thought of it makes me slightly shiver.

 

[Wyote]

 

[Pin]

My biggest fear is to lose all my loved ones and not having anyone in my life.

Completely alone, no one to call, no one to hug, no one to spend time with, no one who would ask how are you. Just having no one. What if I would get really sick or something else horrible would happen and there wouldn't be a single person in this world who would care?

I fear that so much. I know it won't never happen and become reality but just the thought of it makes me slightly shiver.

Hey! I'll call you.

 

[flower]

Hey! I'll call you.

Aw hahah!

 

[Asa]

I carry fear around like an albatross. I've tried to leave it behind us, but I also believe that once you let someone into your life they will always be part of your life. Burn a bridge and they'll use a boat. I'm pretty good at keeping a friendly and respectful distance with a lot of people. I'm pretty good about boundaries. I'm almost paranoid about being open (especially online) and way too cautious when getting to know new people. (In person it is easier to be soft, kind, and accepting of new people.)There is a person my SO refused to listen to me about, whom we both spent a very long time being too close to, and whom my SO became intertwined with. This person has caused my SO emotional harm and is the root of my SO's depression. They have been violent toward my SO, traumatized us, and been a general thorn in our sides for years. For a few years things have been quiet... and I like it that way, but I always worry about that person showing back up and hurting us again, or trying to destroy us somehow, as they've done in the past. I don't think I'll ever stop being afraid of that. They hired someone to attack my SO, they swatted our house a few times, they spread rumors about us, threatened us, followed us online, they tried to block my SO from moving forward, and generally go out of their way to try to destroy him and block his success.

I've ruined a lot of acquaintanceships because I refuse to give random people who also know that person our new address. Like, why do you need to mail me something? Just scan the photo, just email me.My carefulness goes a bit too far, but my SO waking up on the street in a pool of blood and having my house swatted were a bit much for me. I just want to live a quiet life away from violent people and be allowed to fulfill our potentials for our talents, happiness, different friendships, and growth.

 

[BritNi]

First off, @TheFool , I am so sorry to hear about your experience. It saddens me to hear that you lost some trust in your mother within your circumstances. A momma should be their baby's protector, yet you were so confused and vulnerable. I believe in the honest approach regardless how hard the truth is. I wish your mom would have communicated more properly with you. However, not everyone is equipped with the same skills. I'm sure your mom did what she thought was best, given the resources she had access to and the experience she had in life at that time. I hope so, at least. And, finally, I hope that there has been healing in yours and your mom's relationship as far as reestablishing a trust that one naturally desires to have with their mother.

I'm also glad that you have mostly overcome your fear. It seems that you have a healthy approach, now. That's a huge milestone and something to be proud of!

--------------------------------------------

As far as my fears:
I fear ever being placed under the care of another person. I fear dependency. I would rather die than be placed in a nursing home or in hospice care.

This isn't debilitating fear, as I'm hopeful that I have a long while to go before I am at subject to those circumstances. But you know, all it takes is a freak accident: a car accident, a slip/fall, head trauma, etc, and for as long as I can remember, I've had this innate feeling that something tragic (such as my death or a horrible car accident) will happen to me in my late 30's. That sounds crazy, I know. It's probably not likely, but I feel it amplifies my fear of being placed in hospice care.

I've been on the giving side of care my whole life and I fear that there are too many people in the caregiving field that shouldn't be there. I greatly fear ever being at the mercy of someone who does not have the same ethical practices as myself. I would rather much die than ever be placed on any form of life support.

I need a [Dr.] Kevorkian in my living will. Heh. If I can't take care of myself, please just let me die... with dignity.

 

[Ginny]

My biggest fear is to lose all my loved ones and not having anyone in my life.

Completely alone, no one to call, no one to hug, no one to spend time with, no one who would ask how are you. Just having no one. What if I would get really sick or something else horrible would happen and there wouldn't be a single person in this world who would care?

I fear that so much. I know it won't never happen and become reality but just the thought of it makes me slightly shiver.

I get random panic attacks when I'm alone in an unfamiliar place, examples being hotel rooms and even my sister's place (latter having occurred while sick). It came from being alone at home while sick, with no medication and feeling like I was suffocating.

Don't be afraid to reach out when you need company. I have found even here that company can be soothing, despite its digital frame.

 

[BritNi]

I carry fear around like an albatross. I've tried to leave it behind us, but I also believe that once you let someone into your life they will always be part of your life. Burn a bridge and they'll use a boat. I'm pretty good at keeping a friendly and respectful distance with a lot of people. I'm pretty good about boundaries. I'm almost paranoid about being open (especially online) and way too cautious when getting to know new people. (In person it is easier to be soft, kind, and accepting of new people.)There is a person my SO refused to listen to me about, whom we both spent a very long time being too close to, and whom my SO became intertwined with. This person has caused my SO emotional harm and is the root of my SO's depression. They have been violent toward my SO, traumatized us, and been a general thorn in our sides for years. For a few years things have been quiet... and I like it that way, but I always worry about that person showing back up and hurting us again, or trying to destroy us somehow, as they've done in the past. I don't think I'll ever stop being afraid of that. They hired someone to attack my SO, they swatted our house a few times, they spread rumors about us, threatened us, followed us online, they tried to block my SO from moving forward, and generally go out of their way to try to destroy him and block his success.

I've ruined a lot of acquaintanceships because I refuse to give random people who also know that person our new address. Like, why do you need to mail me something? Just scan the photo, just email me.My carefulness goes a bit too far, but my SO waking up on the street in a pool of blood and having my house swatted were a bit much for me. I just want to live a quiet life away from violent people and be allowed to fulfill our potentials for our talents, happiness, different friendships, and growth.

Oh my goodness, @Asa . I am so sorry. ...this is a very rational fear, I think. When your life is in jeopardy, you cannot be too careful. It's a shame that it's such a burden for you. I can only offer my deepest sympathies, but I wish I could make things better for you. My thoughts are with you and I pray for your safety.

 

[BritNi]

Don't be afraid to reach out when you need company. I have found even here that company can be soothing, despite its digital frame.

I'll second this. ...you guys are really my only company these days. I know I'm but a stranger, but my door is always open if anyone ever needs or wants to talk. ...I think we all feel lonely more than we should. I see it comes with the INFJ territory. But, it doesn't have to be that way.

If you need a nonjudgmental "ear," I'll be here.

 

[Wyote]

I carry fear around like an albatross. I've tried to leave it behind us, but I also believe that once you let someone into your life they will always be part of your life. Burn a bridge and they'll use a boat. I'm pretty good at keeping a friendly and respectful distance with a lot of people. I'm pretty good about boundaries. I'm almost paranoid about being open (especially online) and way too cautious when getting to know new people. (In person it is easier to be soft, kind, and accepting of new people.)There is a person my SO refused to listen to me about, whom we both spent a very long time being too close to, and whom my SO became intertwined with. This person has caused my SO emotional harm and is the root of my SO's depression. They have been violent toward my SO, traumatized us, and been a general thorn in our sides for years. For a few years things have been quiet... and I like it that way, but I always worry about that person showing back up and hurting us again, or trying to destroy us somehow, as they've done in the past. I don't think I'll ever stop being afraid of that. They hired someone to attack my SO, they swatted our house a few times, they spread rumors about us, threatened us, followed us online, they tried to block my SO from moving forward, and generally go out of their way to try to destroy him and block his success.

I've ruined a lot of acquaintanceships because I refuse to give random people who also know that person our new address. Like, why do you need to mail me something? Just scan the photo, just email me.My carefulness goes a bit too far, but my SO waking up on the street in a pool of blood and having my house swatted were a bit much for me. I just want to live a quiet life away from violent people and be allowed to fulfill our potentials for our talents, happiness, different friendships, and growth.

Jesus. I hate people.

 

[Asa]

Jesus. I hate people.

Yeah. Some people are horrible. I don't even hate this person. I just want them to go away. I hope that makes sense.
But I made certain choices that allowed room for this person. It's been interesting to step back and examine that, and examine the problems in the subculture I belonged to.
Such an exciting, supportive, positive subculture also has a dark side that allowed some unhealthy and/or "up to no good" people to hide out in it.

It has taken me years of being on this forum to even type this much, but I'm trying to be more open and fair to friends I've made here, while still being vague enough to stay safe. The likelihood that it would get back to said person is slim, but out of habit, I mean.

 

[Wyote]

Yeah. Some people are horrible. I don't even hate this person. I just want them to go away. I hope that makes sense.
But I made certain choices that allowed room for this person. It's been interesting to step back and examine that, and examine the problems in the subculture I belonged to.
Such an exciting, supportive, positive subculture also has a dark side that allowed some unhealthy and/or "up to no good" people to hide out in it.

It has taken me years of being on this forum to even type this much, but I'm trying to be more open and fair to friends I've made here, while still being vague enough to stay safe. The likelihood that it would get back to said person is slim, but out of habit, I mean.

I understand all the feels here.
It's important to only share real specifics in a one-on-one interaction, and even then it is good to be somewhat cautious unless/until you really know the person.

 

[flower]

I get random panic attacks when I'm alone in an unfamiliar place, examples being hotel rooms and even my sister's place (latter having occurred while sick). It came from being alone at home while sick, with no medication and feeling like I was suffocating.

Don't be afraid to reach out when you need company. I have found even here that company can be soothing, despite its digital frame.

Aw.. I get panic attacks sometimes too, they suck. >< I'm so sorry you were sick and got panic attack.

I appreciate that a lot, thank you Ginny. ^-^ Yes! This forum helps much, many great people here.

I'll second this. ...you guys are really my only company these days. I know I'm but a stranger, but my door is always open if anyone ever needs or wants to talk. ...I think we all feel lonely more than we should. I see it comes with the INFJ territory. But, it doesn't have to be that way.

If you need a nonjudgmental "ear," I'll be here.

 

[TheFool]

It is overwhelming to read all the comment.. So much discomfort that many of you are going through.

Asa: I see where you have been. That is not a good place to be. I almost ended up myself entangled with sociopaths and criminals but thank to that intuitive voice, I managed to dodge it. Since then I have left that life behind me and only associate myself with people I feel I can trust. It is a thick filter and only very pass through it but that is fine with me. I only need few jewels in my life to make it precious.

Many seems to have problem with loneliness and dependency. I used to have that but as I started to wake up I have realized that we are never alone. There is dozens of people around us all the time and by follow my inuition I can sense which ones are part of same kind of tribe mentality. I do not feel that I depend on my friends but it sure feels good to have people behind your back.

I have my own version of how I see life and our karma. To talk about reincarnation might sound silly but the way I see it is not about a soul travelling through the cosmos. It is more about turning on another simulation on a pararell universe that happens instantaneously in a blink of an eye. The fear that we carry with us might be some old cache that reminds what has happened us before. It is a warning signal that triggers old subconscious memories of our past. Sound silly I know but the more I contemplate on the tibetan buddhists texts, the more sense these insights make. And now as I started to read more about quantum physics and the buddhist Mind-only approach it starts to make sense that we have entanglements that affect our bodies and minds in ways that can not be explained with our language and intellectual minds.

Got a bit deep there but exploring the root cause of my fears have helped me to understand them better and also to see through them.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

Me neither. But I dislike even more the fact that by avoiding the experience of that uncomfortable sensation which triggers your parasympathetic nervous system has so much control over the quality of your life.

I used to have the same fears but after two burnouts I do not give a fuck about what others think about me. I just make sure that I do my best without exceeding my boundaries. Also I have learned to trust my friends and ask help if I need it. They will help me as gladly as I would help them if they had some problems in their lives.

perfectly explained. Agreed. Finding other people who have had similar experiences and fears and discovering them together is healing and connection. Unfortunately, though I’ve been ready for that I kind of still keep my distance and I know it eventually leads to the other person being more afraid. It freaking sucks. It’s like perpetuating that fear of being at another’s mercy while being absolutely afraid of failure, but growing through that and healing everyday.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

I really don't like this topic and it's not your fault OP, it's mine. I hate my fears.

My biggest fears are failure and being at the mercy of others.

hugs.