Women: 30-something experiences

Gaze

Gaze

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MBTI
INFPishy
I'm always curious if my experiences are more similar or different from those in my age group, so just a general question to all the 30 somethings, how do you find being in the 30s, particular those in their mid to late thirties (although everyone's opinion is welcome).

How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are not noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it?

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?​
 
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Here's the quick and dirty on my 30s so far:

My early 30s were my favorite time in many ways. I had a lot of confidence that my life was going in a good direction (not sure why I was so confident), felt great about myself physically, enjoyed myself socially. This is because school was behind me and I was somewhat enjoying the fruits of my labors, so to speak, by being a relatively young and single professional. The economy was good, I had money and a good job. I had managed to cast off teen and twenties awkwardness, and for the first time felt that clothing stores were not my enemy. Mid 30s were okay because I had met my husband, who is awesome. However, a chronic pain condition manifested that has only gotten worse. So it was suddenly like "Oh shit, I can no longer work 10 hours, come home and go for a 6 mile run, then head out for drinks and tapas, sleep minimally, wake up and consume a gallon of coffee and then do it all again....because my body can't take it anymore." Then came the realization that I effing hated my career. Then attempts to make my old skills work with a new career, then attempts to be a totally new person (fail on all counts). Now, at 38, wanting a do over. Literally. I want to go back to school for something completely different. Call me a dreamer, but I hope to feel as good at 45 as I did at 30 because I don't feel that way now. This has to do with the fact that I have stopped seeing myself as only complete if I am fulfilling the vision of what I presumed other people wanted me to be (false self issues, narcissistic injury etc). So I feel the way I did at 22 as far as goals and anxiety about the future, except I have a much clearer idea of what I want. Oh and somewhere along the line I realized what women meant when they said "a good bra." A good bra is not just the opposite of a bad bra. It redefines the essence of bra. I always thought I'd have children in or by my 30s. It didn't happen. And if it doesn't happen by late 30s, this is generally when women get their reproduction game on in every way possible, or they regroup and revise their vision of life to be one sans kiddies. I chose the latter. As to my looks, I definitely was happiest in my early 30s. I've read this is a common experience. However, I feel pretty decent about myself and have somehow avoided major face or butt sag. I am firm believer in sunscreen, jogging and squats. I do feel more invisible to 20 something "Hey Dudes" (Hey Dudes are a type of male, in case you are wondering), but I am fine with this invisibility. I find I am only invisible to people I don't give shits about.
 
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How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?
At 35 I’ve had more than my fair share of good ‘ol life experience, more so than some of my much older friends. Love, death, career, adult responsibilities. You get the gist ;) (no pun intended). I would hope others at this similar age still have much more to accomplish in life, I know I do. Goals are important for me to have, and working towards the things I still want in life are tied into that.

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
Life threw some unpredictable curve-balls at me, and my expectations of my former self were a lot different. Now, the only expectation I have of myself is to be a responsible person and try to make the best decisions. I no longer think of my life as a singularity, as it now involves responsibilities to those in my care as well as those I want to keep in my life.

Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it? (see below)

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?
I do find that I am taken a lot more seriously than I used to be, which can be a double-edged sword. There are times when I still want to be playful and silly (I hope I never lose this). One thing I dislike is that it’s often assumed that I’m some soccer mom with a pack of kids at this age. I think I’m still of a viable age to have children of my own, yet some in my age-group think of me as a barren old maid now, since I chose to focus on myself and my career in my 20’s instead of baby making, which I find hilarious. I am a parent to my nephew, but I found that being a parent isn’t a death-sentence for your life at all. I am not as approached as often as in my 20’s, and I honestly don’t care, lol. Yet, I have always found it flattering and admire the courage that it takes for one to approach another. But being noticed isn’t a driving force for me.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
My interests have only increased, but not changed, much like my goals have been added onto. My values have remained the same over the years. My perspective in life has changed, I’m not the young idealist any longer, thankfully, and embrace the realities of life.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
I am a completely different person now then I was a decade ago, yes. I believe and have experienced it first hand that our trials and tribulations in life, for better or worse, are what helps to shape our future selves.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?
I think I look my age, not younger or older. Sometimes I’ll be mistaken for a younger age, and I find that a nice compliment. But I also believe that a woman’s beauty is refined by age. I have no fear in the wrinkles I am starting to see.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
I think the biggest one for me is that people assume you have your shit figured out at this age. This isn’t always true. I have gained in wisdom and experience, leveled up in the game of life so to speak, but that doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. There is still so much to learn about the world around us, each other, and ourselves. I hope I never have it all figured out. ;)
 
How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?

Mid-to late thirties I felt I went through a mid-life crisis. I say this because my world had been defined by my small children, who had gotten old enough to not need me as much. It's not that I didn't want the autonomy, I just felt like I didn't know myself anymore ... but as a mother, a different person. I finally advocated for myself and my needs, and even though they were met with challenge, eventually everything turned out fine.

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?

Not sure if I had any expectations at all. I'm not the type of person that is afraid of getting older, or sees a new birthday like an enemy. As an ISFJ, I tend to live in the moment and be realistic about things.

Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are not noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it?

Actually, I felt more visible than any other time in my life ... but at the same time I was more confident in myself, so perhaps I just noticed it more. I didn't shy away from it, I soaked it in like a little ego boost.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?

I don't remember an major changes, except that I think people can respect that you have a better understanding of what you want. With that said, I was more firm with my boundaries with others. I also stopped having unrealistic expectations of friendships. I realized that the best friendships are those where there is mutual respect for what makes us different. I have far more close friends now than any other time in my life because of that.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?

Not really. My perspective changed after becoming a mother, and realizing I do not have time for b.s.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?

Nope.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?

I feel I look my age; although sometimes people say they think I look younger. I don't think it changes anything.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?

Not sure of any myths or stereotypes.
 
My thirties were a very difficult time in my life because of outside circumstances. I can tell you that at 45 I feel the most attractive that I ever have and I get more positive attention than I ever have. It's all about how you feel about yourself and I can attest that your attitude makes all the difference in how people see you and treat you.
 
How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?
I realized that I wanted children. That changed my whole life.

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
I had already accomplished most of them and I became better at being myself and knowing my value.

Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are not noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it?
I had that feeling at times but I think it was because I was surrounded by little kids. Still noticed but totally unreceptive.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?
Not that I noticed but maybe.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
Not really. Interests only changed in that they expanded to include children. Perspective, perhaps a bit in examining my bucket list more than in my twenties.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
Not really due to decade but to being a mother.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?
I feel that I look my age but I have been told so many times I look much younger. The only change in response I have noticed is when they find out my real age, they look at me like I must be lying.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
I don't know. I guess that stems from not knowing the myths or stereotypes.
 
How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?
- Early 30s was when I came into my own. I was a late bloomer, so my early thirties were closer to what would be happening in the lives of the average 20 something but still quieter. Moving into late 30s, I still don't have much of what I hoped to have by this point. It's caused some disappointment, and sometimes a feeling emptiness. My focus has definitely changed. I grew up a little bit I think in the last few years.

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
- Family, children, nice home in the suburbans, with one or two cats. :)

Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are not noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it?
- I've noticed this a tendency not to be seen as much. It's odd. One minute you remember being a teen, and next you're in your 30s, and the attention you once received is now relegated to those of a younger generation. It puts things in perspectives. You realize that people see you as older, and see you more as part of a different generation. Less feeling of being a peer with a younger group. Less recognition of your individuality, and more focus on your status, experience, or achievement.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?
- Who I was has never been easy for people to accept or understand. Much of what made me me, was treated as problem or deficiency for much of my young adulthood. In this decade, I came to realize that people didn't have to be accepting of me. For a long time, people in my life decided that what they thought about me or how they felt should define me. I've struggled for a logn time with self doubt and self loathing. Still do sometimes. However, it's not the intensity that it was in the 20s. Now, I distance myself from those who don't add anything to my enjoyment of who I am as a person. If I find I have to do too much accommodating, I withdraw. I find more mutually beneficial interactions. I've learned not to live my life to please others (apart from work and family).

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
- in some ways yes, others no. I'm more resigned to things. I had to teach myself to learn things go, and not hold on to what I want as much. It's realizing that what you want doesn't matter as much as what you can do to maintain what you have. Too much want of things you can't have, leads to disappointment. If you live in a state of perpetual longing and want, it's easier to be unhappy. I've changed my perspective in that I spend more time finding joy in the moment. I indulge a little more in the things I like, and try to feel less regret, since you can't define the future. There's a realization that despite what you think you want, feel you deserve, or should expect, there's always a world to deal with which will contradict this. I realized the importance of preserving the self, and finding more freedom to separate from others, and not feel as obligated to adjust.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
- Made my peace with 20s, would never want to go back. I discovered who I was in my 30s, so I will forever appreciate the freedom to be more open and honest about who I was and what I wanted, and that it was important to acknowledge this for my own sake, regardless of outside pressures.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?
- I assume I look younger, I think because I have a baby face. People tend to assume things very easily about my youthfulness sometimes, which used to bother me but now not so much. I set boundaries more clearly. People assume a familiarity and understanding of me that is misguided because I look younger. I've always felt on some level that I will likely feel the most like myself in 40s (God willing I live that long). Looking young can be a disservice.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
- I used to stress about this quite a bit, but not as much now. I have never ever fit in at any age, so I not sure it matters. :D I guess, my focus is live and let live.
 
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Having people wait for my response is odd. I planned to answer the question. Not sure why there was a need to request it as if there was an intent on my part to avoid it. There's no mystery or anything special about it. Just as no one is forced to answer the question, I expect I should feel just as a free to answer or not answer my own question, although I was planning to anyway. I didn't tag anyone to answer the question. Kinda silly. Now that I've posted my response, I'm still trying to figure out what was supposedly the big deal. I've probably written similar things on the forum anyway.
 
Gist said:
Having people wait for my response is odd. I planned to answer the question. Not sure why there was a need to request it as if there was an intent on my part to avoid it. There's no mystery or anything special about it. Just as no one is forced to answer the question, I expect I should feel just as a free to answer or not answer my own question, although I was planning to anyway. I didn't tag anyone to answer the question. Kinda silly. Now that I've posted my response, I'm still trying to figure out what was supposedly the big deal. I've probably written similar things on the forum anyway.
Click to expand...

Maybe I was not the only one? I never thought you would avoid it. I asked how about you because the questions were so particular that I was curious what was behind them. I enjoyed reading your response. There was no big deal but after this reaction, I probably won't ask you again.
 
Gist said:
Having people wait for my response is odd. I planned to answer the question. Not sure why there was a need to request it as if there was an intent on my part to avoid it. There's no mystery or anything special about it. Just as no one is forced to answer the question, I expect I should feel just as a free to answer or not answer my own question, although I was planning to anyway. I didn't tag anyone to answer the question. Kinda silly. Now that I've posted my response, I'm still trying to figure out what was supposedly the big deal. I've probably written similar things on the forum anyway.
Click to expand...

:)
 
I enjoy reading this thread as I am about to enter into my 30's. I am looking forward to it very much and it helps a lot when more experienced women share their views and perspectives and if inclined give advice to the younger generations.
 
Superlative said:
Maybe I was not the only one? I never thought you would avoid it. I asked how about you because the questions were so particular that I was curious what was behind them. I enjoyed reading your response. There was no big deal but after this reaction, I probably won't ask you again.
Click to expand...

Sorry, maybe it wasn't fair to respond the way I did, but it's happened too often before. So, that's why I was annoyed. I think asking why those questions were asked would have helped me better understand why you were interested in the response. As it was, knowing people were waiting for the answer made me feel odd.

Edit: Anyway, doesn't matter anymore. Big to do about nothing I guess.
 
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How about your second thirties? Just kidding. On, James.
 
What? Only women in their thirties.

Same old story. The world's always trying to keep the white cisgendered man down.
 
How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?
I recently entered my 30's so some of my responses may be different now than they would be if I was older. I have everything that I want. I have a nice little apartment, an excellent relationship with my boyfriend, an ever evolving and improving relationship with myself, a decent paying job, hobbies and interests that I can afford to indulge in, am getting stronger and healthier by the day, etc. I was always told by friends of mine who were in their 30's that my life would improve dramatically when I became this age. I think for that reason I always looked forward to entering my 30's because I had this idea that everything was going to work out for me and it did.

What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
I expect within this decade to move into a position of being self employed. My expectation is that I continue to learn myself and come more in alignment with who I am. So far so good.

Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are not noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it?
I find this very bizarre and completely disagree. Maybe because I am in a long term stable relationship I don't feel invisible nor do I feel the need to be validated by external attention from other people. I am not that insecure that I feel like I am fading out of existence or even that I need to be seen at all. I have great relationships with people, am more social and outgoing and am spoke to often. I get approached still from a romantic interest standpoint but tend to spend most of my time socializing and dealing with people I see/speak to on a regular basis so the level of respect for the fact that I am with someone is there.

Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?
No.

Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
No.

Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
No.

Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?
Substantially younger. No.

Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
No.
 
bump!
 
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