How is your experience of this age? How does having the things you want or not having the things you wanted factor in?
- Early 30s was when I came into my own. I was a late bloomer, so my early thirties were closer to what would be happening in the lives of the average 20 something but still quieter. Moving into late 30s, I still don't have much of what I hoped to have by this point. It's caused some disappointment, and sometimes a feeling emptiness. My focus has definitely changed. I grew up a little bit I think in the last few years.
What expectations or non-expectations do you have for yourself at this age?
- Family, children, nice home in the suburbans, with one or two cats.
Some women begin to notice a particular kind of invisibility to the world at this age, meaning they are not noticed or approached, or appreciated for the changes that came from getting older. Have you noticed this in your own experience? If yes, how did you deal with it?
- I've noticed this a tendency not to be seen as much. It's odd. One minute you remember being a teen, and next you're in your 30s, and the attention you once received is now relegated to those of a younger generation. It puts things in perspectives. You realize that people see you as older, and see you more as part of a different generation. Less feeling of being a peer with a younger group. Less recognition of your individuality, and more focus on your status, experience, or achievement.
Do you find any minor or major changes in how you're seen, treated, or perceived by others now that you're in your 30s?
- Who I was has never been easy for people to accept or understand. Much of what made me me, was treated as problem or deficiency for much of my young adulthood. In this decade, I came to realize that people didn't have to be accepting of me. For a long time, people in my life decided that what they thought about me or how they felt should define me. I've struggled for a logn time with self doubt and self loathing. Still do sometimes. However, it's not the intensity that it was in the 20s. Now, I distance myself from those who don't add anything to my enjoyment of who I am as a person. If I find I have to do too much accommodating, I withdraw. I find more mutually beneficial interactions. I've learned not to live my life to please others (apart from work and family).
Have your interests, values, goals, or perspective changed?
- in some ways yes, others no. I'm more resigned to things. I had to teach myself to learn things go, and not hold on to what I want as much. It's realizing that what you want doesn't matter as much as what you can do to maintain what you have. Too much want of things you can't have, leads to disappointment. If you live in a state of perpetual longing and want, it's easier to be unhappy. I've changed my perspective in that I spend more time finding joy in the moment. I indulge a little more in the things I like, and try to feel less regret, since you can't define the future. There's a realization that despite what you think you want, feel you deserve, or should expect, there's always a world to deal with which will contradict this. I realized the importance of preserving the self, and finding more freedom to separate from others, and not feel as obligated to adjust.
Do you see yourself different now that you're in a different decade?
- Made my peace with 20s, would never want to go back. I discovered who I was in my 30s, so I will forever appreciate the freedom to be more open and honest about who I was and what I wanted, and that it was important to acknowledge this for my own sake, regardless of outside pressures.
Do you feel you look younger or older than your age? Do you think this affects how others respond to you?
- I assume I look younger, I think because I have a baby face. People tend to assume things very easily about my youthfulness sometimes, which used to bother me but now not so much. I set boundaries more clearly. People assume a familiarity and understanding of me that is misguided because I look younger. I've always felt on some level that I will likely feel the most like myself in 40s (God willing I live that long). Looking young can be a disservice.
Any particular myths or stereotypes which don't fit you compared to what's expected of the typical 30-something?
- I used to stress about this quite a bit, but not as much now. I have never ever fit in at any age, so I not sure it matters. I guess, my focus is live and let live.
