wild oats | INFJ Forum

wild oats

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by myself, May 2, 2009.

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  1. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    I've never been out swingin'. I fear getting into a life long relationship and someday regretting not having more 'fun' in my youth.

    I wonder if I get my kicks now, will I be less tempted to cheat or look at other women when I'm committed?

    Will I always be tempted? Will casual sex help me deal with these issues?
     
  2. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    I think whatever habits you form are what you take with you into a marriage to some degree. For some there is also a natural decrease in sex drive which can lessen the desire to experiment which they had when younger, although women's sex drives often increase in their 30's.

    The issue of desiring to cheat has more to do with the quality of the relationship you find rather than past experiences. Sexual compatibility is actually quite immensely important for a long term relationship.
     
    #2 Julia, May 2, 2009
    Last edited: May 2, 2009
  3. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I think that how you behave when you are young sets a pattern or forms habits of how you will behave when you are older.

    If you chase every beautiful thing now, it will probably be the same in 15 years, even if you are married. As for temptations, I doubt they will ever pass - I once asked a 90yo about temptations and he told me that he still had them.

    I think that temptations will inevitably always be there. The choice one has is whether to habitually give into them, or habitually just treat them like temptations.
     
  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Agreed. You set the tone for womanizing behavior now.

    If that is the way you view women, as objects of fun for you.. then it's best you don't even worry about having a relationship, ever.
    Hey, you asked.
     
  5. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    But all people are objects of fun, not just women. Not just for sex either.
     
  6. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Haha! Sure.
     
  7. Dutch Cake

    Dutch Cake Community Member

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    You are worried that you may not be faithful when you settle down. I think maybe you are thinking a little too far. Maybe you should enjoy your relationships as they come. It is more fulfilling to have a serious relationship then running around all the time.

    Also when you do find the person you are really supposed to settle down with you will find it easy to bypass those temptations that will come up now and then. Reality will say it's not worth the consequences. Use your brain.

    Don't push yourself to much, don't over think, and don't set up a pattern of behavior that will be hard to break later. Also you have time, you may not want to settle down.
     
  8. OP
    myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    Thanks Dutch Cake. That helps. I do over think things...all the time.

    I have always loved women. I respect and worship women because they are amazing and fascinating in so many ways. To be connected with a woman and have a bond between us so strong that I never want to look anywhere else is what I dream of.

    But is it so wrong if I do desire more than one woman? Some cultures are fine with this and they make it work. Maybe I need multiple wives...
     
  9. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Multiple wives, eh? haha. Whatever you and your multiple wives are happy with.. I've met a few people in polygymous relationships, they aren't all legally married, but they live as a family together.. The ones I have met are bisexual or transgender or gay.

    Thanks for taking my blunt criticism in stride.
     
  10. OP
    myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    Keep the women happy, work the farm, cook, have lots of babies...

    No money, no government. My very own tribe.

    This should be the natural order of things.

    Remember dances with wolves?
    seemed like a sweet deal to me...

    I appreciate criticism. Tell me I'm wrong, show me how my ideas suck and I'll learn.
     
  11. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I can dig the no money, no government my own tribe thing.. however maybe not the same idea as your tribe.

    Well, if you can make it work then fab. I'm doubtful about polygamous and polyamourous relationships. I don't see how they are empowering for all parties involved. They seem purely hierarchal and all for the satisfaction of one.

    The person I spoke with who was actually in a polyamourous relationship said that there was one man and he was the head of the three of them. The guy I spoke with said that the head got to write up contracts for the others and they were in a sort of voluntary servitude towards him. As in, the head pretty much owned the other two on contract. If they didn't fulfill duties, they were gone.

    Very hierarchal. Dude I talked to said he was happy with it, he enjoyed his life and he got to write up contracts saying what sort of kinky sex things he did not want to participate in and the head had to sign it and go along with it.
     
  12. OP
    myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    I think these ideas crept in my head through reading "Earth Abides".
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Abides

    I don't think the polygamy thing is really for me, at least not the way you describe it.
     
  13. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I think the problem with this question is the lack of information supplied.
    How old are you?
    What do you want to do with your life [ or, what do you not want to do with your life?]

    You're going to have to develop your own ideas and dreams and chase them. Asking for advice on issues like these are trivial because there is not one true definite answer; there are multiple.

    Which is one reason why, although I'm terrible at math, I appreciate it because equations generally have one or two solid answers. However,taking life and turning it into a math equation isn't going to work. You need to approach it as more of an English Paper; there are multiple answers, many different views and takes, therefore endless possibilties.

    To me it sounds like you want to settle down. Is this true? Is that what you really want? Will it change? Are you planning your life around something currently, if so, what?

    A family is great if that's the one thing you want to live for. You can have side hobbies and care about other things, but ultimately if you want to play society's depicted role of a family, the best bet is that your focus is going to be on that family, always, no matter what. This entails children, divorce, remarriage, marriage counseling, single parent situations, budgeting your money, and having basically little to zero freedom. Of course, this all depends on how you set up the relationship and how you define it.

    So, before you ask questions about sex and settling down, figure out what you want to do. Don't be afraid to take risks, but make sure the risks are the ones you want to be taking; don't take risks just to take risks, it's impulsive and you'll get yourself into a lot of things that you probably don't want to deal with. The motivation to continue on with your original plan will not be there and you'll get discouraged and end up failing in whatever you were trying to do.

    Will your desires to get it on with any sexy woman you see subside? That's really up to you, and how important your goals are. Sure, if sex drive is indeed natural instinct it's always going to be there, but the ability to control it is at your fingertips. But will controlling it make you happy? Ah...Good question.
     
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  14. efromm

    efromm Hiding In My Shell...
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    Yes you will always be tempted. When you actually love the person your with you won't cheat on them, Because you know the damage it will cause them and you. Casual sex sucks and the problems it creates are not worth the pleasure. This is the voice of experience talking take it or leave it. But you will end up feeling things that will make you doubt love and I want to spare you that. You cheapen the true attachment that you should feel to that other person and turn it into a awkward experience that you may want to forget later.
     
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  15. OP
    myself

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    Thanks man.

    I appreciate everyone's input on this thread.

    Everyone has had some really great things to say and it is helping me deal with the issue.
     
  16. the

    the Si master race.
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    If you do or if you dont sow yer oats, you will always probably want to have had more sex if you arent getting any at that moment.
     
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  17. the

    the Si master race.
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    Sounds like too much of a paper trail. I am pretty sure that none of the contracts are legally binding. Sounds like a lame ass.

    I dont see why polyamorous would be bad, I love everyone also. I am not doing everyone though.
     
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