[INFJ] - Why do ENFPs like us? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Why do ENFPs like us?

Feb 24, 2013
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I've been reading a ton about ENFPs and INFJs interacting but I haven't found anything that satisfied my curiosity of why they seem drawn to one another. I knew an ENFP for a little while but couldn't figure out why he wanted to talk to me so much. I hadn't told him anything about myself except what he knew from the assignments I turned in, so I had no idea what he was finding so interesting. Please share any thoughts or experiences with this. Thanks.
 
I've been reading a ton about ENFPs and INFJs interacting but I haven't found anything that satisfied my curiosity of why they seem drawn to one another. I knew an ENFP for a little while but couldn't figure out why he wanted to talk to me so much. I hadn't told him anything about myself except what he knew from the assignments I turned in, so I had no idea what he was finding so interesting. Please share any thoughts or experiences with this. Thanks.

I'd also like to know. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be many ENFPs on the forum these days.

I have a pretty good idea why, though.
 
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I've been reading a ton about ENFPs and INFJs interacting but I haven't found anything that satisfied my curiosity of why they seem drawn to one another. I knew an ENFP for a little while but couldn't figure out why he wanted to talk to me so much. I hadn't told him anything about myself except what he knew from the assignments I turned in, so I had no idea what he was finding so interesting. Please share any thoughts or experiences with this. Thanks.
ENFPs like mysterious people who seem to hold hidden potential. They feel intrigued by such individuals and want to get to know them better, to "unlock their secrets". It just so happens that INFJs provide that type of mystery that ENFPs are commonly attracted to.

If you want a more technical answer, it's because INFJ has the same style of thinking as ENFP's socionics dual, the ISTJ. Due to these commonalities INFJs and ISTJs behave similarly and ENFPs get drawn to both. I.E. socionics holds a more in-depth explanation to what you're observing but you'd have to study it to understand. This is not something that can be explained in a few sentences.
 
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Enfps (sigh)... I think a big part of why they like us is the fact that we like them. They sense that we are deep people like they are. I think enfps have an urge to bring me out of my shell also. ENFPs... (Sigh)

I'm enfpish at times. I think they can sense I'm an ENFP at heart. And they want to bring it out of me. Ironically, the best way to make me act enfpish is to be infjish. Because I become more extroverted around introverted people.
 
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They sense that we are deep people like they are.

Yes and no. We are deep, but if we were deep in the same ways they are, it wouldn't be intriguing for them, would it?

What's surreal about the relationship is that we're mirrors of each other. Their outward playfulness is what we tend to keep locked away; our seriousness and melancholy is what they hide from the world -- so to see one's inner world visibly embodied outwardly in a person...and when eyes meet, it's like you're staring into your own, and that's why we so easily communicate nonverbally.

I was just thinking about my ENFP this morning. I haven't seen her in a while. *sigh*
 
Yes and no. We are deep, but if we were deep in the same ways they are, it wouldn't be intriguing for them, would it?

What's surreal about the relationship is that we're mirrors of each other. Their outward playfulness is what we tend to keep locked away; our seriousness and melancholy is what they hide from the world -- so to see one's inner world visibly embodied outwardly in a person...and when eyes meet, it's like you're staring into your own, and that's why we so easily communicate nonverbally.

I was just thinking about my ENFP this morning. I haven't seen her in a while. *sigh*

Wow I've never heard it said like that. But that sounds so true. The enfps I've met are very deep people though. One of my favorite enfps cried to me one night and said she puts on an act like she's happy but she really isn't. After she said that it became very apparent to me that her bubbly personality was largely fabricated. She's addicted to people. It even caused her problems in school and stuff because she couldn't sit still. I always admire their free spirit. I'm like, an ENFP addict... (Sigh) haha
 
I have one friend who is a textbook ENFP according to descriptions. We function in a very similar way and maybe that's why we've been friends for years. I might behave like her when she's around, for the reason unknown to me. The only difference: I need to retreat sometimes and she doesn't, loneliness is a bigger problem for her. I think people want to be around someone they can relate to, no matter what "type" it is.
 
Wow I've never heard it said like that. But that sounds so true. The enfps I've met are very deep people though. One of my favorite enfps cried to me one night and said she puts on an act like she's happy but she really isn't. After she said that it became very apparent to me that her bubbly personality was largely fabricated. She's addicted to people. It even caused her problems in school and stuff because she couldn't sit still. I always admire their free spirit. I'm like, an ENFP addict... (Sigh) haha

Yeah...they keep the sadness locked away, but we wear it on the sleeve. It's weird to them, because they have Fi preferences, that someone could be so open with their feelings, so it's intriguing. We, on the other hand, feel self-conscious being silly, bouncy and social for too long -- but just get us around the right people and we can be funny and energetic and happy for hours on end!

A lot of ENFPs seem to have those kinds of problems. If you read personal writings by ENFPs like The Diary of a Young Girl (Anne Frank) you begin to feel sorry for them.

I heard a story, it's pretty much proverbial, of an ENFP who, on her birthday, could find no one in her massive circles of acquaintances close enough to her to remember that it was her birthday. She ends up spending it alone.

In early life, they can become so seduced by novelty that they just take off after whatever is shiny and new. Appearances can be deceiving; all that glitters is not gold; that they appear happy does not mean they are. This is perhaps why they're able to see past the male INFJ hardass persona straight into the fluffy center.
 
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The only difference: I need to retreat sometimes and she doesn't, loneliness is a bigger problem for her.

I've read, and pretty much deduced, that they can stave off most negative feelings as long as they are around other people -- because they can thence easily get sucked into the Ne whirlpool of being upbeat and having a good time. Once the other people are gone, though, there's only the Fi-Si loop and that can be very scary for someone who's otherwise a happy-go-lucky extravert. It's about maturity; it's about, in time, learning to face the demons that everyone carries inside the self. After they learn to do this, then I think they really get deeply in touch with their "purer" selves and become better at living out the values that formerly had authority only in the realm of inward self.

Perhaps introverts learn to do this much earlier in life precisely because of their introversion. I know when I was seriously depressed at sixteen and spent all my time alone, thinking all of existence down to its gritty skeleton, it made me more able to deal with being alone and with negative feelings. However, I became a lot more of a serious, scary loner after that; there's always a payoff.
 
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I've also been complimented by the same ENFP that she "admires my independence". Which is strange because I don't feel independent at all. I need people to be happy. But apparently I appear strong to her because I'm constantly worrying about myself and not others. So that might be another perceived trait they like about introverts/infjs.
 
[MENTION=4717]subwayrider[/MENTION] she just doesn't like being alone, I know she needs support that is quite intense that I usually can provide her. She is mature, she is wise and not a youngster as well, she has way more life experience than I do. Ironically we had lots of similar issues with others around us, so that's where we clash too. We respect each other's honesty and directness even if we don't always agree.
I got used to be alone in the past, that's all, so it isn't a huge issue for me. I like my "me-time" but I never had it 24/7 for too long, so I can't comment there.
 
she just doesn't like being alone, I know she needs support that is quite intense that I usually can provide her. She is mature, she is wise and not a youngster as well, she has way more life experience than I do. Ironically we had lots of similar issues with others around us, so that's where we clash too. We respect each other's honesty and directness even if we don't always agree.

Yeah. Their enthusiasm doesn't mean they're not actually deep people. I have an ENFP professor right now (who's really hot BTW) who still acts like a fun-loving teenager despite all the (terrible) experiences I'm sure she's been through. It's refreshing that someone so old could still be so carefree. They are definitely my favorite type. I have trouble looking her in the eye sometimes.



:m035:
 
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Yeah. Their enthusiasm doesn't mean they're not actually deep people. I have an ENFP professor right now (who's really hot BTW) who still acts like a fun-loving teenager despite all the (terrible) experiences I'm sure she's been through. It's refreshing that someone so old could still be so carefree. They are definitely my favorite type. I have trouble looking her in the eye sometimes.



:m035:

This is why I love mature ENFPs. They're gonna make the best of it, and they are free enough to talk about the things that hurt them, but it never defines them. As if they'd let anything or anyone define them anyway.
 
I heard a story, it's pretty much proverbial, of an ENFP who, on her birthday, could find no one in her massive circles of acquaintances close enough to her to remember that it was her birthday. She ends up spending it alone.

In early life, they can become so seduced by novelty that they just take off after whatever is shiny and new. Appearances can be deceiving; all that glitters is not gold; that they appear happy does not mean they are. This is perhaps why they're able to see past the male INFJ hardass persona straight into the fluffy center.

I can think of a few people I know who almost typify these qualities, though apart from this, I'm not seeing much of the magic that you guys are describing here.
Anybody willing to share what they, in their experience, find to be a semi-authoritative type description for ENFP? I'm ready to go on the typepath (it's like the warpath, but for typing.)
 
I can think of a few people I know who almost typify these qualities, though apart from this, I'm not seeing much of the magic that you guys are describing here.

If I can be real: you may not therefore be INFJ.

Anybody willing to share what they, in their experience, find to be a semi-authoritative type description for ENFP? I'm ready to go on the typepath (it's like the warpath, but for typing.)

Can't you just go on TypeLogic or SimilarMinds or something?

They are super-extraverts, wanting to meet and get to know almost everyone. They're nice to almost everyone they meet. They want people to be included. They're nonjudgmental most of the time. They're really funny. They're happy and are good at making others around them happy. They're basically what you would get if you flipped all the INFJ's introverted tendencies and extraverted tendencies around -- which is exactly the difference in the functions. Their choice in wardrobe is a dead giveaway; I always identify them by it because I know no other type who dresses like they do. It's usually something like this, to varying degrees:

Alannah_Hill_Sale-7.jpg


I always think of them as what one would get if they turned the INFJ Ni inside-out. That's part of what makes being in their presence so surreal for a lot of us. Then, of course, our Fe is what their inner worlds are like -- which is what makes it so surreal for them to be in our presence. The moody, brooding, martyr INFJ façade is what they're secretly like inside.

Pro-tip: if they're shy, awkward and "autistic" (I'm quoting an ENFP on this) around you, it means they're, like, totally in love with you.
 
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As if they'd let anything or anyone define them anyway.

I must, respectfully, disagree. In early life, they often find themselves bending to the will of others for acceptance. As extraverts, much of the early identity is founded on the outer world. The one I know is still struggling with this; she doesn't really know very well who she is yet, so she's stuck pleasing and performing for others, to her detriment.

I think it's more rightly introverts who are loathe to let others define them -- at least in early years. (;
 
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This ENFP and her INFJ

I've been reading a ton about ENFPs and INFJs interacting but I haven't found anything that satisfied my curiosity of why they seem drawn to one another. I knew an ENFP for a little while but couldn't figure out why he wanted to talk to me so much. I hadn't told him anything about myself except what he knew from the assignments I turned in, so I had no idea what he was finding so interesting. Please share any thoughts or experiences with this. Thanks.

Hello! I know this was posted over a year ago, but I would like to try an answer this question to the best of my ability.

My best friend in the whole world is an INFJ. We enjoy deep conversation and goofing off. She makes me think. She challenges me in ways I never thought were possible. I have a tendency to ignore what my feelings are and give all my attention to other people, but she knows when to tell me to take a step back and think things through. It constantly amazes how calm she can be and how she takes the time to analyze situations, where I just tend to kind of jump in without too much thought. We always joke about how we are complete opposites, but we compliment each other so well. Our ambition is a common trait between the two of us. She has passion for what she does just as much as I have passion for what I do, which is one of the many things I admire about her. We can both sense each other's frustrations, but she is always able to articulate why she is frustrated, where I end up going inside myself and can't quite get a handle on my emotions and how to deal with them.

She is the calmer version of me that takes the time to think things through and I am the spontaneous adventurer trying to take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. I'm not really sure if this helps at all, but I just wanted to express my love for my INFJ :)
 
Its because ENFPs live their lives romanticaly, in a novelty way, and they are drawn to the misterious, unusual people.
ENFPs usualy end up sticking around with ISTJs, INTJs, and INFJs.

Another reason would be that ENFP seek for "simple" people. Due to their impressionable nature, they are easily intrigued and even awed by people who have big influence, power and have a "superior" behavior. So they seek to relate with people who are "simple" for them, and they do find INFJs to be "simple".
I remember Mark Twain, who was a ENFP, how he used this phrase consitently in his writtings: "a simple man, surprinsingly simple man".
One note for this...ENFP never lack or find themselfs worried about "self-esteem". They are not self-confident or anything like that (althought some ENFPs, like Donald Trump is, or Caesar Millan from "The dog Whisperer"), later in life begin to have a self-confidence in them, making a very beautiful and strong impression (like a young lion, to be more poeticaly correct). They don't have a mature self-confidence, but to some of them, there can be seen something beginning there, that energy, and that practical wisdom that Aristotle talked about, coupled with courage, that makes them very beautiful.

But yes, from my experience, I have never seen ENFPs who are worried about their self-esteem. They might be feeling frustrated because they are "simple", and other people are "complicated and sophisticated", but they never fall in despair. If a "sophisticated" person, like a ESFP, comes to a "simple" person, like a ENFPs, and tries to make him feel inferior in one way or another, the ENFP will put him in his place in a "simple", but efficient fashion.
 
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