Why are men obsessed with their mothers?
- Thread starter Aaron Hepi
- Start date
Heterosexual men tend to idealise their mothers. From what I have observed, homosexual men don't. So when you seemed baffled by other men's attitudes towards their mothers, the first thing I thought was - he is probably homosexual... and I wanted to verify that.
If there's a point to be made, one way or another, that's not something I'm interested in pursuing. I am interested in correlations.
I dont see how this isnt obvious.
A man knows his mother first as a boy. A boy who needs support and love and his mother is generally the only person he feels he can tell all the things that are considered "weak" by the rest of the world. His mother is someone who loves him no matter what. Its not like that connection ever goes away.
I suspect women dont like that aspect because they constantly look for ways to increase his depenncy on them to help eliviate their own insecurities and fears. A mans mother is an obstacle for some women in that endeavor.
But it ultimately comes down to human nature I think and I dont think you can say that all men have the same relationship with their mothers.
In short were my mother still around I can absolutely tell you I would defend her with my life.
No one here has defined whats meant by obsessed yet though.
A man knows his mother first as a boy. A boy who needs support and love and his mother is generally the only person he feels he can tell all the things that are considered "weak" by the rest of the world. His mother is someone who loves him no matter what. Its not like that connection ever goes away.
I suspect women dont like that aspect because they constantly look for ways to increase his depenncy on them to help eliviate their own insecurities and fears. A mans mother is an obstacle for some women in that endeavor.
But it ultimately comes down to human nature I think and I dont think you can say that all men have the same relationship with their mothers.
In short were my mother still around I can absolutely tell you I would defend her with my life.
No one here has defined whats meant by obsessed yet though.
Not really but I'll try.
First I'll start by saying that we are ALL connected to our mothers (whether we like it or not).
From the beginning, we were nurture to life by our mothers by way of the umbilical cord. It pumped oxygen and nutrients from mother to baby (thru one vein) and removed waste and deoxygeniated blood (thru two arteries). Without this vital process, there would be no baby, right? There would be no YOU. Therefore, I feel that it is only natural that one would look to mom when they need to feel nurtured and loved. Especially men. A mother is a little boys first love. Everything she does will influence who he becomes and how he treats others when he becomes a man.
Through her he learns about love, about trust, and about how to feel wanted and safe. When a man doesn't receive love from his mother or he doesn't trust his mother with his heart, or she makes him feel unwanted and unsafe, then it can (will) cause him to have issues later on in life.
If the relationship is healthy then he will most likely grow into a healthy individual who knows how to give and receive love while loving himself in the process. Much respect.
There are also instances where the relationship seems to be good but there are a few underlying issues. For example, some mothers create an atmosphere of dependency with their sons which can cause major issues in his personal relationships. Most likely a sneaky and manipulative momma.
I'm not covering all of my thoughts on this topic but I think you get the idea. But yes, I have noticed that men do have an attachment to their mothers, whether it be positive or negative. Some don't even realize how that relationship affects who they are today and how they handle life. Interesting topic.
I don't think that men in general are obsessed with their mothers. However, I had two men tell me something that might give you some insight; both of them, on the loss of their mother, said that they had lost the only person who had ever loved them unconditionally.
Never noticed this. I have one friend who is very stuck on his mother, but it is understandable. She was a lovely person who died of a horrible illness when he was a very young man. He never got over the trauma of her illness and frequently scouts out women who he hopes can compare to his mother's kindndess and beauty, which he misses daily. Almost understandable in his case. But outside of like Woody Allenish films, it seems a bit of a trope to me.
Not really but I'll try.
First I'll start by saying that we are ALL connected to our mothers (whether we like it or not).
From the beginning, we were nurture to life by our mothers by way of the umbilical cord. It pumped oxygen and nutrients from mother to baby (thru one vein) and removed waste and deoxygeniated blood (thru two arteries). Without this vital process, there would be no baby, right? There would be no YOU. Therefore, I feel that it is only natural that one would look to mom when they need to feel nurtured and loved. Especially men. A mother is a little boys first love. Everything she does will influence who he becomes and how he treats others when he becomes a man.
Through her he learns about love, about trust, and about how to feel wanted and safe. When a man doesn't receive love from his mother or he doesn't trust his mother with his heart, or she makes him feel unwanted and unsafe, then it can (will) cause him to have issues later on in life.
If the relationship is healthy then he will most likely grow into a healthy individual who knows how to give and receive love while loving himself in the process. Much respect.
There are also instances where the relationship seems to be good but there are a few underlying issues. For example, some mothers create an atmosphere of dependency with their sons which can cause major issues in his personal relationships. Most likely a sneaky and manipulative momma.
I'm not covering all of my thoughts on this topic but I think you get the idea. But yes, I have noticed that men do have an attachment to their mothers, whether it be positive or negative. Some don't even realize how that relationship affects who they are today and how they handle life. Interesting topic.
You are explaining Object Relations theory more or less. OP, you should look up Object Relations. It might give you some info your looking for.
What do you know about my experience except a few posts that you interpret through lenses that are tainted by your own biases and subjective perspective?
erm... maybe it would be helpful to others for you to provide a little more specific detail about exactly what you mean by this - the nature of the contradiction youre referring to does not seem immediately apparent.
I can't speak for other guys, but the reason for why I am so obsessed with my mother is that she is the best cook of vegetables in the world. For example, a couple of months ago she decided to start baking butternut pumpkin slices with the skin and the seeds left attached, and you just eat the whole thing like some sort of earthy-tasting earth-made sushi roll. I'm never ever ever going back to eating butternut pumpkin the polite way ever again.
To judge that only one person has ever loved one unconditionally is to place that person at a completely different level of emotional importance than all others. A relationship quantum leap above all other relationships. In giving two examples of this, both men in respect of their mothers seems, as far as illustrating examples go, to contradict the view that men are not obsessed with their mothers. For to be obsessed, is to be influenced or controlled by a powerful force, such as a strong emotion - and having a singular experience of unconditional love, places that example as the benchmark, limit, and apex of what it is possible to expect in terms of love.
1. The view that men are not obsessed with their mothers. 2. Two examples of men saying that only their mothers had ever loved them unconditionally.
For a person to express the judgement that only one person has truly loved them is to set that person on a pedestal above others - in terms of the judgement made. A corroborating example would have been: two men who loved their mothers, but who didn't realise what unconditional love was until.... (they were married/had children/had grandchildren/found a soul-mate/found their best of the best friend/got a dog/got a cat/got a goldfish/etc.).
You do understand the difference between a statement saying that in general a large group of people aren't a certain way and two people being a certain way, right?
So, if I understand your logic, if I know two men who tell me they are gay then I am to assume that all men are gay?
I am sure many men feel the way these two men do, but I'm also sure that many men don't. Relationship dynamics are complicated and not every mother child relationship is the same.
The effect that my mother's death has had on me has been profound and I'm not a man.
Last edited:
I have plenty of male friends who don't idolize their mothers. I have 2 male gay friends who definitely do, or at least are what I would call unusually codependent on their mothers given that they are adults. Or they swing from overdependence to resentment of their mum's controlling personalities and almost seem to hate them for it. Psychologically fascinating.
My husband often criticizes his mother (not to her face) and is much closer to his father but I wonder if it's because he and his mum are actually quite similar, so he sees faults in her that are also in himself.
I think my brothers idolize my mum but my dad is very emotionally distant, so I think she felt she had to "make it up to them" during their childhood. It's a complex issue and never a straightforward one to analyze. I wouldn't want my son to idolize me, I might fall off the pedestal!
Adult hetero men who have reverence for their mothers is actually indicative of a healthy upbringing, from a psychological standpoint. These men are also known to have a greater respect for women- specifically for their girlfriends and wives. Only manipulative women would try to "replace" mom in any man's heart.
That being said, I have known many men that have irreverence for their mothers and are wonderful mates to their partners and spouses. It just goes to show you that when it comes to human nature, not much is textbook.
That being said, I have known many men that have irreverence for their mothers and are wonderful mates to their partners and spouses. It just goes to show you that when it comes to human nature, not much is textbook.
My boys know that I absolutely and totally have their emotional well-being close to my heart always. Whenever something bad happens to them (being bullied, problems with friends, etc), they would tell me before they tell their father. They know that I would protect them with my life ... these mama bear claws are SHARP. That sort of bond will never go away. I'm definitely more of a mother who pushes them to be independent, I feel like I am raising adults (not children.) I can see how they are both still dependent on me for nurturing their emotional health. When the day comes that they become involved in a relationship, I'm not the type to interfere (unless it was hurting them.)
There is a saying that "A daughter is a daughter for life, but a son is a son until he takes himself a wife."
There is a saying that "A daughter is a daughter for life, but a son is a son until he takes himself a wife."
Last edited: