Who or what is an unrequited love? | INFJ Forum

Who or what is an unrequited love?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Oct 9, 2010.

Share This Page

More threads by Gaze
  1. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,373
    Messages:
    27,933
    Featured Threads:
    91
    Likes Received:
    19,727
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    .
    Who or what is an unrequited love?

    [​IMG]

    I was thinking about this and wondering whether situations which are often described as unrequited love are really love, or simply innocent crushes which never transitioned to relationships.

    So, i'm curious, what's your definition and/or experience with unrequited love?

    Does it need to be mutual or is it one-sided?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #1 Gaze, Oct 9, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2010
  2. magister343

    magister343 Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    1,106
    Likes Received:
    209
    Trophy Points:
    607
    MBTI:
    INTP
    Enneagram:
    stupid system (5w4)
    Unrequited love is by definition not requited, that is, not returned, not mutual. Unrequited love cannot be mutual, but must be one sided.


    Much of what is called unrequited love is not true love, but the same can be said for that love which is requited. True Love in no way has to be mutual.



    True Love is not about a feeling, although powerful feelings may accompany and derive from it. It is not emotional, but devotional. Love is the act of the free will (the whole will, not merely its conscious aspects, although they are an essential part) reorienting itself and binding itself to place the good of another above the self. Love will not try to force or manipulate the beloved into requiting, but will continue on just the same. The duty it imparts to serve the well-being of the beloved does not diminish though the privilege of doing so in the preferred manner be denied.






    I met my first love 11 years ago. There felt a very special connection from the beginning, but it would take 2 to 3 years before I had come to know her well enough for it to be actual love. The point by which I would say it was certain was when I had a certain dream which I have mentioned here before.
    I did not do a very good job when I first really tried to express myself to her. There came a point when I got up the confidence and was quite comfortable telling her how much I cared for her and that I would gladly accept friendship rather than romance, but then things got really awkward as she got back with an old boyfriend before the next time I saw her. A month after that her family moved to a different church, as I did not think I would ever see her again. Four months after that I reached the point where I decided to call her up looking more for closure than a relationship of any type. I called her house once a day from Sunday to Thursday of one week, as she was not there until the last time. By then I had given up on speaking to her personally and was really calling to apologize to her family for the disturbance and express what I could to whoever picked up to pass on to her. I was rather shocked when she answered, and may have pushed to hard for a firm rejection as it was closure I was seeking. She was empathizing a lot with me and I with her, which seemed to multiply emotions ad infinitum and destroy my composure. Once the time I regained my composure and apologized I noticed that my cellphone battery had died and I had no idea at which point the connection had been lost. When her boyfriend called up the ext day he insisted I apologize but would not permit any words out of my mouth besides "I'm sorry," no explanation of any sort. I could hear her crying in the background, and he made me promise never to call the number again. It was close to 2 more years before I found her on facebook and sent her an apology, which she accepted, but I did not think it good enough and did not really dare further contact for a while. My next message to her, and the regular contact that resulted, did not occur until this February. Although I've only seen her in person twice in the past 5 1/2 years we now talk frequently and I consider her my best friend. I still love her deeply, but now more like a sister than a romantic interest. (Probably the most intensely I've experienced love while away were during a couple conversations this spring when I got upset with her. Love is most apparently at those times when you don't really like someone but care deeply for their good nonetheless.)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #2 magister343, Oct 9, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2010
    Gaze likes this.
  3. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,373
    Messages:
    27,933
    Featured Threads:
    91
    Likes Received:
    19,727
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    .
    Sure about that?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    Threads:
    76
    Messages:
    1,339
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    175
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    IEI
    Enneagram:
    6w5 sp/sx
    Ahh, unrequited love. To me, it's just a romantic way of thinking about crushes.

    I think there's a type of love, like a familial love, that is still true when it runs in one way, but I believe true love for couples has to be mutual. I believe a true romantic love is a bond between equals, one that goes beyond just wanting the best for a particular person. It's a shared understanding, only the understanding is something deeper than just knowing. It's a deep connection; a sense of completeness, or of becoming more than what one is alone.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Gaze likes this.
  5. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Threads:
    70
    Messages:
    9,406
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    6,854
    Trophy Points:
    579
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    +1 [I was gonna say that]
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. Forest Dweller

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    2
    I think neurobiology is the best approach here. An unrequited love is a condition where someone's hormones and reward pathways get all revved up just like they do in the beginning of a romantic relationship, but there's no actual relationship. Yeah, it's a crush, and can exist with or without a nonromantic relationship.

    I can't tell you whether or not it's part of "true" love. I think "true (romantic) love" has that "in love" element to it, at least most of the time. I've got a very good friend whose friendship started out as unrequited love on my part. I got over my feelings, but I can't totally say that my feelings for her within the friendship are independent of having gone through a period of being "in love". It's hard to tell, since we both have can read each other very well and have great caring and empathy towards each other, (Yeah, she's also very classic INFJ).

    As to one vs. two-sided, I've had this happen to me in the past when I suspect the other person felt the same. Unfortunately, it was a situation where it was simply not an option to act on those feelings on either side of the fence. So I'd be willing to say it can be two-sided.
     
Loading...

Share This Page