When is it really over? | INFJ Forum

When is it really over?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by rbecca23, May 29, 2010.

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  1. rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    How long did it take you to finally get over a lengthy, or really close relationship to where you realized that you actually could open up or love again?
     
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  2. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    I still don't think I have.
     
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  3. GoofyGirl

    GoofyGirl Newbie

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    I think it is directly related to the amount of closure and the terms of the break up. I'm going through a divorce after 12 years of marriage, but we are trying very hard to be amicable and friendly about it, despite the circumstances. For me, closure is very important. It's the loose ends and unresolved issues that drag out the pain and make the recovery longer.
     
  4. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    I still love my last girlfriend and wish her well. I'm socially inept though and just have trouble making the initial connection with the opposite sex. Wish there was some way I could help you. I know the premise of a good relationship, I just can't seem to start them. My breakup wasn't exactly heartbreaking, just an amicable parting of ways so she could go to law school in Arizona.
     
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  5. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    Sometimes it's never really over.
     
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  6. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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  7. OP
    rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    :( Then how do I move on?
     
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  8. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    You have to find a way to come to a realization that some things simply don't work out. I find that when you let someone in, they are never really gone. However, time does heal the hurt. You have to work to being grateful for the time you were together, and all of the lessons you learned because of it.
     
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  9. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    This ^^^^

    There is a sweet sorrow that eventually comes and then just the sweetness. You realize that things were impossible to continue but at least you had them for awhile. Eventually you meet someone who better understands you and who makes you smile more than that other person ever could. There is always someone better for you out there. You decide which one you stay with.
     
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  10. OP
    rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    Thank you mf and That Girl....

    I know time will heal, I just... wish it took less time. To acknowledge that I actually, truly cared has been the hardest part for me. I can't believe that I had that much capacity to love and to realize that I didn't understand it until I had to say good-bye.
     
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  11. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    The first time I fell in love it hurt because I felt like my heart was expanding. I couldn't believe so much feeling could fit into my chest. Breaking it off hurt more because my ribs were already cracked and this new feeling ripped through me. Eventually that will all heal and next time you'll be able to expand yourself even more because you've learned how. You'll show parts of yourself you didn't know existed. Trust me, love gets better, not worse.
     
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  12. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
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    for some reason this popped up in my memory :)

    [YOUTUBE]aQhvoLNEqVI[/YOUTUBE]
     
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  13. OP
    rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    I always wondered if I was a masochist or a glutton for punishment, Tamagochi. Maybe I'll never know.
     
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  14. OP
    rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    Does being an IN*T*J make the emotional aspect of relationships hard? What makes your thinking different from my feeling? Cause the feeling part is hard for me, but I am an IN*F*J.
     
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  15. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I think that being run through Thinking as opposed to Feeling I have a hard time opening up to other people. I also confuse emotions with love. If I start feeling for a person I believe I've fallen in love with them. I get so excited about it that I ignore the T I usually follow. Still, it's hard for me to get to that point. I am logical about the way I go about meeting people. I carefully weigh the pros and cons of being friends with everyone. It may seem mean or uncaring but I really don't want to let people in a lot of the time. I like to be by myself in my inner world.
     
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  16. youhemmein

    youhemmein awkward turtle
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    It's been a year, and I just started dating again. Still not over the hurt, but definitely over the man.
     
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  17. LadyBlahBlah

    LadyBlahBlah Regular Poster

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    I wish I knew the answer to this myself. I recently just broke up with my boyfriend. It's funny cuz that clip from The Mexican (I'm assuming that was the movie) was oddly applicable to my situation. I love him dearly, and I know he loves me, but unlike the idealistic views of the character in that video, sometimes you do have to call it quits. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and when you're the only one willing to honestly work on things, at a certain point you have to know when it's no longer healthy.

    For me what's always helped is surrounding myself with friends. And I'm sorry, this might sound bad, but rebounds always help. >.< Not sex necessarily, but just flirting and letting some guy flirt with you and reminding yourself that there are other great guys out there and you will fall in love again with someone even more suitable for you.
     
  18. OP
    rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    @LadyBlahBlah

    I've never been a rebound girl, only because in my experience the guys I've broken up with tend to find one right quick; it's hurtful. But this time around... I've been trying to be open to such an option - if only for having a good time (for a temporary time). It still doesn't make the ache go away. And I wish I could wipe my brain clean of memories, but the past is the past, I suppose.

    @That Girl

    Doesn't sound mean, at all. It makes sense that one would be strategic about their potential relationships; I wish I was more like that most days.
     
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