Understanding infjs | INFJ Forum

Understanding infjs

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Soff78, Nov 27, 2017.

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  1. Soff78

    Soff78 Newbie

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    So I've been doing some reading, on and off the forums, trying to figure out this relationship i have with an infj. It's like some infjs are this or that and although some share similar qualities, it's hard to understand someone. Aside from just talking to that person, what's the best way to understand y'all?

    For example, it's common for an infj to not text so much but can also text consistently. Yet some texting is flirty and friendly whereas others are kinda cold and less engaging. Reading about the reasons behind these actions are also inconsistent. I really want to try to understand the actions and behavior without being too overwhelming so I don't push them but what I read doesn't really help much.

     
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  2. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Vulnerability leads to viability ♡

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    infj's are as individually unique as their pet name of Snowflake. Just when you think you have one figured out they have already changed the silence.

    Now seriously, are you expecting them to show up in your time or respecting them in their time?

    1). Just be yourself.
    2). Allow them to trust you on their own terms.
    3). Be patient.

    Best wishes, :D
     
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  3. Ginny

    Ginny Small Beans

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    This might help you too, in the development of your perspective. He's an INFJ, psychiatrist and counsellor. Not that it makes everything true that he says. After all, he is one of many independent individuals.



    Just don't underestimate the power of individualism. Especially from insightful individuals. I, for one, think of us as contrary, or paradoxical. It may just describe some of us individually, but as a group it's all of us. (I think this is the morpheme of the day now :smile::tearsofjoy:)

    Best of luck :)
     
  4. latch

    latch Community Member

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    What he said in this video sure jived:
     
  5. Ginny

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    Some of the things just make me laugh by how accurately it describes me. I think in his videos he takes us on a journey of self-discovery, so we don't feel so alien anymore...

    And his tone of voice is perfect for the waves in the background.
     
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  6. latch

    latch Community Member

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    The only reason I had a problem with this was because of the abusive people in my life trying to get me to feel that way. Jerks.

    Kids in high school would ask me if I was a waver or stoner or a rocker or whatever and I said, "I belong to my own group," but I would skip all my classes and sneak into the library to read all day. I did that a lot. One year, I had over 300 truancies.
     
    #6 latch, Nov 28, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2017
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  7. Ginny

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    Kind of the same. I had few friends, but a lot of psychological bullying going on. My best friends were snatched from me by a newbie in class and I was basically left alone. That bitch bested me in my best fields and didn't care for me one bit (I tried to make peace with her to get my friends back - but it was a waste of dignity). Good thing at least one of them realised that she was fake af. Looking back now, I think she was an extroverted thinker.
    Boys were a whole other thing. Later on I was teased by the jocks, but I wasn't up for it anymore. It's not like I was back in 6th or 7th where I would get physical out of anger. I remember once I wanted to beat someone to a pulp. Oh, anecdotes...

    But I would never skip class for them. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. I was determined to get good grades, even if I spaced out and retreated into my own thoughts once a class got boring or demanded more Ti attention than I could give.
     
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  8. latch

    latch Community Member

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    I had a lot of trouble showing up for life. I think I door slammed everything.
     
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  9. OP
    Soff78

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    Thats very interesting.. so when y'all "tell the future" is that the only way it can happen (in ur mind?) Like once u think something, there's no way to change ur mind or even the possibility of another ending?
     
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  10. latch

    latch Community Member

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    A large part of my mind accepts it as fact. That part is very certain. Other parts are open to possibility. Most times the first one is correct- a few times the other is. What would you trust?
     
  11. Ginny

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    You say it like it's easy. We merely understand the human condition and integrate it into a map of impressions we have of the world and simulate the outcome. It's mostly an unconscious thing, but to get an exact prediction we'd have to have a realistic mental image of everything pertaining to the situation. I predicted the end of Teen Wolf with nine episodes to spare, one aspect at first, but my prediction got more elaborate and exact the information I had from each following episode. But this is only a small scale. It takes a lot of knowledge which has to be taken into account for an accurate prediction. So there is a lot of play involved. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a situation wherein at a specific point it could go either way. Or if there was a prediction being made and an added piece of information completely turns it around.
     
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  12. Lady Jolanda

    Lady Jolanda Community Member

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    Very good points, especially the part about respecting their time and allowing them to trust you on their own terms. As for the first point..

    Just be yourself. Your profile lists you as ENFP, so in that case that means: Trust and follow your Ne. If their actions seem inconsistent, it's probably because they are in a different mindset at different times when interacting with you. To me, that registers as a sign of some level of trust actually.
     
  13. heiots

    heiots Community Member

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    Not just the INFJ, but people are hard to fully understand in general. They're never consistent. And you say "y'all," but everyone is going to behave and respond differently to whatever you do.

    I've been guilty of this. It depends. I notice my cold/hot behaviour mostly happens with people of romantic interest (which has nothing to do with leading the person on), but when I feel like I'm being pushed and prodded to reveal more than I'm willing to.
     
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  14. OP
    Soff78

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    I kinda just play it by ear, if you were really asking. I have thought something would play out a certain way but I don't think that's how it WILL be tho.
     
  15. OP
    Soff78

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    Could you elaborate on the trust part? How does that register as trust to you?
     
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  16. OP
    Soff78

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    In that situation, how would you like for it to play out? When you're being pushed.
     
  17. Lady Jolanda

    Lady Jolanda Community Member

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    Disclaimer: This is merely my understanding and not gospel. Maybe I understand people wrong.

    People are complex beings, with many 'layers', for lack of a better word. You don't show all of who you are to everyone, and certainly not on day one. You keep things hidden. You play a part, portray an image, test the waters to see how much you can and more importantly cannot reveal. The outer most layer is politeness and friendliness. Not much character is being revealed here at all. Then cracks start to form in the portrayal. Little inconsistencies that you can't entirely place. To me, that means they're showing you more of who they really are. The different parts of their personality. The beginning of trust.
     
  18. latch

    latch Community Member

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    I guess in the way I asked the question, it implied that I have made a conscious choice to trust it. That's not what happened at all. I accidentally learned to trust my intuition. It happened over time as I( in my life pursuit of learning about every subject I can) added more and more data to the storehouse from which my intuition draws. When I became aware how much I trusted it, I looked back on how my trust had built up and how my effectiveness had also grown.

    I fix things for a living and it's common for me to hear one nugget of info to leads me to the problem. I almost always know when that one piece of info is the piece I needed. All these AHA moments are synergistic and amplify each other for future use.

    If I say watch a movie or show by a director to whom I'm tuned in, I know what is going to happen or how it's going to happen. There's not logical choice or analysis. It just happens. The same thing happens with book authors- I start to know them and expect things- like you know what your best friend is going to say because of familiarity.

    My intuition is a like a familiarity with things that haven't happened yet. Me and that future event are old friends.
     
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  19. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Vulnerability leads to viability ♡

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    Who is ENFP??
     
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  20. Lady Jolanda

    Lady Jolanda Community Member

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    Soft78, the TS.
     
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