Ugly duckling syndrome?
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I have a very confusing relationship with my physical appearance because over the course of my life I've received very mixed messages about it. Especially in middle school. I don't think I'm unattractive, per say, but I do feel like I'm lacking a lot by societal standards. Most of the girls I knew were dainty and short and graceful. I remember the boys picking them up like they were light as feathers. I could pick the boys up and hoist them on my shoulders. For whatever reason, it stayed with me and fucked with my sense of femininity. I was taller and built like an Amazon and I had a deeper voice and I was into sports. But I also felt shamed when I did dress a little bit more girly as I was bigger in the chest area than most girls, so I had this weird sense of, no put it away vs your not putting yourself out there enough. But the chief issue was always my size. I wasn't overweight, but you couldn't convince me of that back then. I felt like... less. And even though people told me I was 'statuesque' I never believed them. I was always on some diet or another (am to this day) and I have never felt feminine. I have never felt sexy or beautiful, even at my slimmest. No matter how much effort I put into my appearance, I always feel like it isn't enough.
I'm not sure if that's really ugly duckling syndrome so much as a self-esteem problem, though.
I'm not sure if that's really ugly duckling syndrome so much as a self-esteem problem, though.
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There is a girl who I worked with who fits this description. I think she is very attractive. If you are her, then call me.
There is a girl who I worked with who fits this description. I think she is very attractive. If you are her, then call me.
Pretty sure it ain't me.
Am I the only one who has this? (Please don't say yes)
Disclaimer: You don't have to be a "beautiful swan" as the article implies to experience any of the following.
14 Lasting Side Effects Of Growing Up As The Ugly Duckling
http://elitedaily.com/women/beauty/14-lasting-side-effects-of-growing-up-as-the-ugly-duckling/
Read more: http://elitedaily.com/women/beauty/14-lasting-side-effects-of-growing-up-as-the-ugly-duckling/
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If you're like me, you grew up being taunted by your unfortunate, disproportionate or unusual appearance. Even though you've developed into a beautiful swan since you've reached adulthood, you have difficulty shaking the ugly duckling syndrome that was deeply ingrained in your developing brain during childhood. In your mind, you're still the person you used to be, not the person you are today.
While there are some downfalls to living your adult life with this syndrome, there are certainly some benefits to balance them out.
Here are the 14 signs of ugly duckling syndrome, as experienced by you, the now beautiful swan.
1. You have difficulty accepting a compliment. At the hands of any kind words paid in your direction, you become uncomfortable and rebuke with a self-deprecating statement or silent rationalization of why the compliment can't be true.
2. The idea of jealousy pointed in your direction is baffling. Because you can't rationalize that you are someone worthy of targeted jealousy, you have difficulty understanding the hostility you receive from other women. You don't understand why women have the tendency to compete with you, and you can't fathom why the existence of “frenemies” is present in your life. You also put the blame on yourself for lost or undeveloped friendships.
3. You see yourself as a conversationalist, not an object of desire. When you're out socializing in a bar or a nightclub, you're nice to people, but being approached by a member of the opposite sex is rationalized in your mind as an innocent conversation, not a pick-up tactic. When a stranger asks for your number or pays the bill from across the bar, you're shocked.
4. Stares from men (and women) come as an insult, not a compliment. When out and about minding your own business, you're put off by eye contact with strangers. You become defensive and take the stare as an assumed insult, rather than what it truly is: a compliment.
5. Your vision is poor when it comes to noticing appreciation from others. Though the stares you do catch from others come as an insult, they come rather rarely, since the majority of looks you receive aren't on your radar. Since you're not aware of your beauty, you're not on the lookout for others noticing it, and because of this, you hardly ever notice the appreciative glances in your direction.
6. The powers of your beauty are lost on you completely. You don't realize you can get nearly anything you want or have almost anyone you desire based solely on your looks. Therefore, you rely on your smarts, your integrity and your inner strength to get ahead in life.
7. When beauty is expected, you become a neurotic mess. You're much more comfortable being the simple, makeup-free you, and when beauty is expected for special occasions, you feel anxious and nervous. Suddenly you have nothing to wear and your makeup and hair are a mess. The object of beautifying yourself is, needless to say, a nerve-racking feat.
8. You opt for moral correctness. You have difficulty fathoming how other women leverage their beauty in immoral ways, and the thought of such immorality gets your head spinning and tummy feeling woozy.
9. You value inner beauty. Because you had no choice as a child but to turn inward to find your beauty, you now look for the same in others. You judge a book by what’s inside, not the pretty cover.
10. You have high expectations in friends and loved ones. You won't be friends with someone just because he or she is pretty and popular. Since you learned at a young age that values and morals are much greater than appearances and facades, you have high expectations of your friends. You grow slowly connected to your friends, knowing it takes time to discover one's inner beauty, and once you've established a friend, you consider him or her a friend for life.
11. You have an undying need to stand up for the less fortunate. Nothing gets your blood boiling more than seeing someone being bullied, picked on or humiliated by stronger (and meaner) individuals. When faced with these situations, you suddenly transform into a human rights activist, a raging protective figure, a knight in shining armor or a combination of all three.
12. You appreciate your privacy. Though you've likely developed your social skills much more than those who were beautiful from birth, you still appreciate your privacy and alone time. You might light up a room when you enter it, but since you likely don't realize it, you prefer to light up your own quiet room, instead.
13. Other beautiful women inspire you. Although an annual dose of inspiration is found watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you truly look up to the women in your life who you believe are beautiful on the inside and out.
14. You aspire to be beautiful …Not realizing you already are. Do you think you might be suffering from ugly duckling syndrome? Well, as it turns out, there’s no need to pay a visit to your therapist, since the benefits are clearly much greater than the side effects. Just keep being the beautiful swan you are, and keep putting forth the many great lessons you learned as an ugly duckling. Learn to give yourself credit once in a while, will you?
Read more: http://elitedaily.com/women/beauty/14-lasting-side-effects-of-growing-up-as-the-ugly-duckling/
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Yes and yes to almost all of these; except the last one lol. I really don't care if I look like a hobo or not.
I think that's what college does to you when you stay up past midnight working on papers and studying for exams on a daily basis.
Hoodie? Check.
No makeup? Check.
Hair in a bun? Check.
Eyebags that reach to the floor and look like a zombie/corpse? Check check check!
But overall, this list is incredibly relatable. Yay for ugly duckling syndrome!
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I've largely accepted the way I look since becoming an adult, however, I still think I am way too skinny. I want to become more toned.
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Good for you. Getting bullied because of my looks at a young age really messed up my self esteem. I am still finding it difficult to fully accept who I see in front of the mirror.
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Neither "ugly duckling" nor "beautiful swan". Just bullied or ignored.
I think 1-10/12 apply to everyone here. I may be more likely to not like people who are popular for nothing that is in their head, though. Why would beautiful women inspire me? Because they adhere to a standard that is possibly even unhealthy?
I am happy as I am. I may need to add a couple of pounds, still, but my focus lies elsewhere.
I think 1-10/12 apply to everyone here. I may be more likely to not like people who are popular for nothing that is in their head, though. Why would beautiful women inspire me? Because they adhere to a standard that is possibly even unhealthy?
I am happy as I am. I may need to add a couple of pounds, still, but my focus lies elsewhere.
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
- Jun 26, 2017
- 12,749
- 50,519
- 3,276
- MBTI
- ENTJ
- Enneagram
- 3w4, 3-8-7
It might get dark sometimes but remember that you are not alone. You're stronger than you believe, I've been there too.