Ugly duckling syndrome? | INFJ Forum

Ugly duckling syndrome?

Have you ever felt like the ugly duckling?

  • Yes, all the time!

    Votes: 11 50.0%
  • Sometimes, meh

    Votes: 5 22.7%
  • Not really

    Votes: 4 18.2%
  • Of course not, I'm too hot for that ;)

    Votes: 2 9.1%

  • Total voters
    22

Gaze

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Sep 5, 2009
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Am I the only one who has this? (Please don't say yes) :m130:

Disclaimer: You don't have to be a "beautiful swan" as the article implies to experience any of the following.

14 Lasting Side Effects Of Growing Up As The Ugly Duckling
http://elitedaily.com/women/beauty/14-lasting-side-effects-of-growing-up-as-the-ugly-duckling/

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/women/beauty/14-lasting-side-effects-of-growing-up-as-the-ugly-duckling/
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If you're like me, you grew up being taunted by your unfortunate, disproportionate or unusual appearance. Even though you've developed into a beautiful swan since you've reached adulthood, you have difficulty shaking the ugly duckling syndrome that was deeply ingrained in your developing brain during childhood. In your mind, you're still the person you used to be, not the person you are today.

While there are some downfalls to living your adult life with this syndrome, there are certainly some benefits to balance them out.

Here are the 14 signs of ugly duckling syndrome, as experienced by you, the now beautiful swan. :D

1. You have difficulty accepting a compliment. At the hands of any kind words paid in your direction, you become uncomfortable and rebuke with a self-deprecating statement or silent rationalization of why the compliment can't be true.

2. The idea of jealousy pointed in your direction is baffling. Because you can't rationalize that you are someone worthy of targeted jealousy, you have difficulty understanding the hostility you receive from other women. You don't understand why women have the tendency to compete with you, and you can't fathom why the existence of “frenemies” is present in your life. You also put the blame on yourself for lost or undeveloped friendships.

3. You see yourself as a conversationalist, not an object of desire. When you're out socializing in a bar or a nightclub, you're nice to people, but being approached by a member of the opposite sex is rationalized in your mind as an innocent conversation, not a pick-up tactic. When a stranger asks for your number or pays the bill from across the bar, you're shocked.

4. Stares from men (and women) come as an insult, not a compliment. When out and about minding your own business, you're put off by eye contact with strangers. You become defensive and take the stare as an assumed insult, rather than what it truly is: a compliment.

5. Your vision is poor when it comes to noticing appreciation from others. Though the stares you do catch from others come as an insult, they come rather rarely, since the majority of looks you receive aren't on your radar. Since you're not aware of your beauty, you're not on the lookout for others noticing it, and because of this, you hardly ever notice the appreciative glances in your direction.

6. The powers of your beauty are lost on you completely. You don't realize you can get nearly anything you want or have almost anyone you desire based solely on your looks. Therefore, you rely on your smarts, your integrity and your inner strength to get ahead in life.

7. When beauty is expected, you become a neurotic mess. You're much more comfortable being the simple, makeup-free you, and when beauty is expected for special occasions, you feel anxious and nervous. Suddenly you have nothing to wear and your makeup and hair are a mess. The object of beautifying yourself is, needless to say, a nerve-racking feat.

8. You opt for moral correctness. You have difficulty fathoming how other women leverage their beauty in immoral ways, and the thought of such immorality gets your head spinning and tummy feeling woozy.

9. You value inner beauty. Because you had no choice as a child but to turn inward to find your beauty, you now look for the same in others. You judge a book by what’s inside, not the pretty cover.

10. You have high expectations in friends and loved ones. You won't be friends with someone just because he or she is pretty and popular. Since you learned at a young age that values and morals are much greater than appearances and facades, you have high expectations of your friends. You grow slowly connected to your friends, knowing it takes time to discover one's inner beauty, and once you've established a friend, you consider him or her a friend for life.

11. You have an undying need to stand up for the less fortunate. Nothing gets your blood boiling more than seeing someone being bullied, picked on or humiliated by stronger (and meaner) individuals. When faced with these situations, you suddenly transform into a human rights activist, a raging protective figure, a knight in shining armor or a combination of all three.

12. You appreciate your privacy. Though you've likely developed your social skills much more than those who were beautiful from birth, you still appreciate your privacy and alone time. You might light up a room when you enter it, but since you likely don't realize it, you prefer to light up your own quiet room, instead.

13. Other beautiful women inspire you. Although an annual dose of inspiration is found watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you truly look up to the women in your life who you believe are beautiful on the inside and out.

14. You aspire to be beautiful …Not realizing you already are. Do you think you might be suffering from ugly duckling syndrome? Well, as it turns out, there’s no need to pay a visit to your therapist, since the benefits are clearly much greater than the side effects. Just keep being the beautiful swan you are, and keep putting forth the many great lessons you learned as an ugly duckling. Learn to give yourself credit once in a while, will you?

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/women/beauty/14-lasting-side-effects-of-growing-up-as-the-ugly-duckling/
Follow us on Instagram | Elite Daily on Facebook
 
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Can you relate to this story?

scott_kaufman_4.jpg

Scott Barry Kaufman Ph.D.Beautiful Minds
The Nature of Genius II: On Late Bloomers and Ugly Ducklings
Is late blooming possible?
July 8, 2008
The early life of a particular young swan was not a happy one. In the beginning of this swan's life, he was treated as ugly by his friends and even his family. He was too white, too large, and too clumsy to have smooth social interactions with the other animals. When he tried to play water polo with them, they swam away. When he played hide and go seek with them, they never looked for him. Even a Danish poet labelled him "The Ugly Duckling", which certainly didn't do much for his already fragile self-image.

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This swan felt just horrible. Why would the other ducks not play with him just because of the way he looked, he thought, as he sat in tears reflecting on his life so far. He hung in there though, and he eventually flowered into a graceful, beautiful swan. With his newfound confidenceand inner strength he became a hit with the other swans and was sought after by the ones who initially rejected him. Now, he just smiles at the ones who rejected him and moves on, deciding to stick with those who aren't fair weather ducks.

The Hans Christian Andersen story that I've just summarized resonates with a lot of people. It certainly does with me. As briefly mentioned in my introductory post, I was labelled "learning disabled" when I was younger, and was removed from the mainstream academic context. It took until High School for me to fight my way back into mainstream classes, but of course I still felt like an outsider, and the students treated me as such. Hey, it wasn't all that bad. The bullies left me alone because they thought I was too mentally deficient to count my own lunch money, so decided out of pity to not steal from me.

Ever since, I've been deeply fascinated not only with the nature of human intelligence and creativity, but also the causes of late bloomers. Here I describe an interesting feature of genes that may offer at least a partial explanation for the ugly duckling syndrome.

In my last post, I discussed how many traits are a result of many interacting genes. One may have left that discussion thinking that these traits just emerge all at once-- either you have it or you don't. This is a popular conception of giftedness, held by many gifted education instructors and administrators around the world. It turns out that this conception of giftedness is wrong.

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Source:
Here's how genes work. We all start out in a relatively undifferentiated state, and our various traits slowly appear and differentiate over time [1]. These traits aren't "hardwired" at birth. They can't be, because the multitude of genes that underlie a trait emerge over the course of long-term interactions between the developing body and mind of the child and the stimulation of the environment [2]. Furthermore, each of the genes that underlie a trait has its own developmental trajectory. Since the multitude of genes that underlie a trait can develop independently of each other, you may see high ability in one area early on while ability in other areas lag. Child savants are like this: they have early indicators of talent in one highly specific area, but often lack other skills necessary for survival, such as social skills and emotional regulation. The study of gene-environment interactions and the developmental trajectories of genes is called epigenetics, and is currently an active and promising research program.

The implication of this is that just because a trait may be heritable, meaning that it has a genetic foundation in the general population, this does not mean that the trait blooms suddenly. Many human traits, like physical attractiveness in the case of the Ugly Duckling, are under genetic control but may take decades to emerge. Even intelligence, which is partly determined by many interacting genes, go through various changes across the lifespan as some genes are automatically turned on, and some are automatically turned off.

This means that the late bloomer has some missing genetic components that haven't yet begun their developmental growth. As Dean Simonton points out, there is one way of becoming an early bloomer, but there are an infinite number of ways of being a late bloomer. Also, the more complex a trait, the more ways that a child can become a late bloomer for that trait. This means that the most appreciated abilities in society, such as creativity and leadership will rarely fully present itself at a young age, all at once.

This also has implications for child prodigies. Whereas the child prodigy is the one who gets all the right genes together early, there is no guarantee that the prodigy will remain one, because other genes can emerge later that may make it difficult for the prodigy to continue his or her success. So it is possible, as there are many anecdotes to show, that an initial gift may completely disappear (more on prodigies later).

I do think it's significant and noteworthy when a child demonstrates an early inclination and talent for something. And we should help nurture that potential. But I also think we shouldn't rule out the Ugly Duckling. While I don't think the evidence suggests that every single person has the same potential to become a genius (see earlier post), the fact that we can't tell at any one point in time whether any particular person will be a late bloomer is reason enough to treat everyone as if they have the potential for greatness. After all, the genes may have a developmental mind of their own, but at the end of the day it's the environment that determines whether it will allow that genotype to realize its full potential.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...re-genius-ii-late-bloomers-and-ugly-ducklings
 
Thanks for posting this @Gist! Your topics of discussion are always top shelf awesomeness!

I relate to almost all of this, except the part about realizing I'm a beautiful woman, well...because I'm the most beautiful and majestic man ever. But I wasn't always because I was an ugly duckling. More like an amoeba or a geoduck...
 
:eek: the list is all me.

4. Stares from men (and women) come as an insult, not a compliment. When out and about minding your own business, you're put off by eye contact with strangers. You become defensive and take the stare as an assumed insult, rather than what it truly is: a compliment.

i have a funny story on this.. once i was waiting for a bus going to work.. this guy beside me kept looking.. guess what i did? i smashed his head three times with my handbag and then took off inside the bus.. :joycat::joycat: he was so shocked he didn't have time to react. :p i onow it was bad thing to do but still.. :tongueclosed:
 
I can't relate to all of the OP, but the ones I do connect with are the first five.

1. You have difficulty accepting a compliment. At the hands of any kind words paid in your direction, you become uncomfortable and rebuke with a self-deprecating statement or silent rationalization of why the compliment can't be true.
  • So, true. I often think compliments are ego boosters rather than true compliments. Maybe they're trying to kiss up. tbh, I hate compliments. Sorry. :D

2. The idea of jealousy pointed in your direction is baffling. Because you can't rationalize that you are someone worthy of targeted jealousy, you have difficulty understanding the hostility you receive from other women. You don't understand why women have the tendency to compete with you, and you can't fathom why the existence of “frenemies” is present in your life. You also put the blame on yourself for lost or undeveloped friendships.
  • Yep, I don't experience hostility from other women. In the past, there was a sense that I was a bit arrogant and seemed as if I knew more than I really did. I've learned a little humility. But I did compete with other in smarts. What smarts I had made me feel good, and made me feel I had something at least to compete with. Because it wasn't going to be sophistication, charm, or hotness. :D

3. You see yourself as a conversationalist, not an object of desire. When you're out socializing in a bar or a nightclub, you're nice to people, but being approached by a member of the opposite sex is rationalized in your mind as an innocent conversation, not a pick-up tactic. When a stranger asks for your number or pays the bill from across the bar, you're shocked.
  • This is so true!!! I have a hard time accepting people seeing me as an object of interest. Yeah, I think I'm great for platonic conversation, but nothing else. I often think anyone attempting flirting is just flattering me, or trying to make me feel good. Or I think something must be seriously wrong with the person to find me attractive. Were they just recently freed from confinement, and was I the first person they saw? Are the other persons they like not available? Is everyone else not giving them a chance? Am I the last woman on earth? :D

4. Stares from men (and women) come as an insult, not a compliment. When out and about minding your own business, you're put off by eye contact with strangers. You become defensive and take the stare as an assumed insult, rather than what it truly is: a compliment.
  • To me, stares will always only be "why is she so awkward? Why did she wear that?" :D I assume something is wrong, not that I'm doing anything right. Otherwise, if you're hot and looking at me, I assume you're too good to be true, you're out of my league, I don't deserve you, or you're thanking God for your hot girlfriend you have waiting at home, lol

5. Your vision is poor when it comes to noticing appreciation from others. Though the stares you do catch from others come as an insult, they come rather rarely, since the majority of looks you receive aren't on your radar. Since you're not aware of your beauty, you're not on the lookout for others noticing it, and because of this, you hardly ever notice the appreciative glances in your direction.
  • I always assume people are lying to me, and just trying to make me feel better because they think I need the encouragement. And I don't believe in my "beauty". Honestly, I see myself as invisible to people in that way. It's safer than assuming you're attractive to someone, only to feel like you're really being seen as a circus attraction. :D
 
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:eek: the list is all me.



i have a funny story on this.. once i was waiting for a bus going to work.. this guy beside me kept looking.. guess what i did? i smashed his head three times with my handbag and then took off inside the bus.. :joycat::joycat: he was so shocked he didn't have time to react. :p i onow it was bad thing to do but still.. :tongueclosed:

What the!? LOL!!! Brutal.
 
Every time I got on the school bus a bunch of kids would bark at me and call me "dog" yep, that's was my nickname "dog". In high school me and some people went to a "field party" and someone asked "who brought the ugly chick"
So, my husband doesn't understand why I think I'm hideous. He said "it's cool being married to someone who's hot and doesn't know it". I still think he's full of shit..... Regardless, I'm glad because people who are hot and know it, sometimes, are superficial. That's worse than being a dog!
 
Why can't you be both?
Oh there are many people who are both. I don't have the right body to be conventionally beautiful, nor do I have the inclination to devote the time to make myself beautiful. I'm cute though, which suits me just fine.
 
Oh there are many people who are both. I don't have the right body to be conventionally beautiful, nor do I have the inclination to devote the time to make myself beautiful. I'm cute though, which suits me just fine.
I don't believe you, let me see. I remember your boobs being good.