Turning Men Down

B

barbad0s

Banned
MBTI
POOP
Or turning women down, for that matter.

At what point in a conversation, when you know that the other person is blatantly romantically interested in you, do you think that you should mention, "Sorry, I'm not interested if you were thinking of things that way", or "Sorry, I'm not interested; I have a boyfriend/girlfriend"?

To men: would you prefer that women are more straight up about these things to help you save time and effort? Is this something that you appreciate? Or would you find it awkward and presumptuous for a woman to say something like that without you first explicitly saying, "I am interested in you"?

How do you turn people down and how would you like to be turned down? What do you think is appropriate?

All thoughts from anyone would be appreciated.
 
I'm never straight forward in the way that I say "I'm not interested in you" ...rather, I drop hints like "Oh my boyfriend and I" or "Yeah, I'm so busy with work I can't date". Personally, I like this method better, as you don't hurt or embarrass the other person, and it's how I would like it to be done to me.

However, if they come out an actually make a pass - that's a different story!
 
I'd say it's best to be upfront but be nice about it. I hate it when people feel they have to be rude or mean to let someone down. As far as me turning someone down, I would probably try to keep the conversation light and evade any questions or comments that sound personal. Maybe suggest someone else they would find interesting.
 
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niffer said:
To men: would you prefer that women are more straight up about these things to help you save time and effort? Is this something that you appreciate?
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yup

Or would you find it awkward and presumptuous for a woman to say something like that without you first explicitly saying, "I am interested in you"?
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There have been a few times when a girl found it opportune to talk about her bf (it was obvious), and I wasn't even interested.
I did find it presumptuous, but I'm almost certain it was more about their egos than it was about any vibes I was putting off.
Your judgement will do just fine.

In any case, they got out of the way any confusion, and I wasn't butt devastated, so I think it was a good decision.
 
Well from my experiences I find it's best for women to slap me in the face and shout "stop stalking me, creep". Really gets the message across.

The very, very few times I've been turned down by woman, they were up front and cool about it. I'm pretty much the same when I turn down other people.

There was one time however, when a woman came onto me where I mumbled something about me being gay and coming out of a long term relationship. I was young and had no experience with very forward women.
 
I've been bad at it. Sometimes just avoiding that person.

Then I wonder why it happens that way to me! :lol:

I do find it difficult to turn down women so I haven't let it get to the point of being necessary recently. Body language can do a lot to not lead someone on.
I'm not really used to it still so I miss the hints often...for better or worse.
 
If I had a nickle for every time I had been turned down, I would have a bag full of nickles.
my favorite was a smile and non explained "I don't think that would be a good idea"
 
Stu said:
my favorite was a smile and non explained "I don't think that would be a good idea"
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Should I use that as my standard line then? The word is getting out that I will be single soon and there is apparently a bunch of men that I know that have declared their intentions to hit on me. I am not interested in any of them (not interested in dating anyone that my ex-husband knows) and I have zero experience with this sort of stuff since I've been with my husband since I was 17. Considering how I hate to hurt anybody's feelings but at the same time not interested in leading anybody on at all I've been working out in my mind how I'm supposed to handle this stuff. Would that work then, smile and say 'I don't think that would be a good idea" with no other explanation?
 
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I told a girl I wasn’t interested once, she got so upset she immediately threw up…I think that is about the worst I have ever felt letting someone down….lol.
 
Skarekrow said:
I told a girl I wasn’t interested once, she got so upset she immediately threw up…I think that is about the worst I have ever felt letting someone down….lol.
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She didn't expect rejection, and felt sick upon the enlightenment of her mistake of ever being interested in you.
 
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Skarekrow said:
I told a girl I wasn’t interested once, she got so upset she immediately threw up…I think that is about the worst I have ever felt letting someone down….lol.
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Wow, I suppose that's really flattering, but ew...

How old was she?
 
If someone told me they were not interested in me I'd probably be a bit put off even if I wasn't interested myself, but I'd appreciate the thought regardless (and would not think less of the person for that matter, the opposite if anything).


Someone once tried to drop me hints for about 4 years, and I just ignored it. She then mustered the strength to ask me, and I just said no.
 
o_q said:
She didn't expect rejection, and felt sick upon the enlightenment of her mistake of ever being interested in you.
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I know right…you would have thought your Mom would know better...
jupiterswoon said:
Wow, I suppose that's really flattering, but ew...

How old was she?
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We were both fairly young…I was probably about 20…she maybe 19…apparently she had a crush on me for a while according to others I talked to about it later…lol…I wasn’t mean about it…but I guess she just had her hopes up too high.
 
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niffer said:
Or turning women down, for that matter.

At what point in a conversation, when you know that the other person is blatantly romantically interested in you, do you think that you should mention, "Sorry, I'm not interested if you were thinking of things that way", or "Sorry, I'm not interested; I have a boyfriend/girlfriend"?

To men: would you prefer that women are more straight up about these things to help you save time and effort? Is this something that you appreciate? Or would you find it awkward and presumptuous for a woman to say something like that without you first explicitly saying, "I am interested in you"?

How do you turn people down and how would you like to be turned down? What do you think is appropriate?

All thoughts from anyone would be appreciated.
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Even when a guy is blatantly romantically interested, I still like to confirm it. So I will ask him.

"I get the feeling you have a little crush on me. Am I reading this right?"

If he says "yes, you are right", I would say, "I am flattered by the attention, but I am not interested. I'm already taken. But there is no reason we can't be friends (onto the friend ladder he goes)."

If he says "no, you are wrong", I would say, "LIAR!"

:)

And I agree with [MENTION=5559]Cornerstone[/MENTION] regarding the body language being a good deterrent.
 
CrazyBeautiful said:
Even when a guy is blatantly romantically interested, I still like to confirm it. So I will ask him.

"I get the feeling you have a little crush on me. Am I reading this right?"

If he says "yes, you are right", I would say, "I am flattered by the attention, but I am not interested. I'm already taken. But there is no reason we can't be friends (onto the friend ladder he goes)."
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I gotta be honest, this sounds bitter and selfish.
 
o_q said:
I gotta be honest, this sounds bitter and selfish.
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How so?

I am definitely selfish but I'm not bitter. :)
 
CrazyBeautiful said:
How so?

I am definitely selfish but I'm not bitter. :)
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The need to feel you are above someone, is selfish.
To make them feel below you, and doing so as their consequence of liking you, is a cruelty that is brewed bitter.

If the guy's come-on was cheap, he has a lot more to dish out for other girls, and perhaps your style of rejection was appropriate.
 
o_q said:
The need to feel you are above someone, is selfish.
To make them feel below you, and doing so as their consequence of liking you, is a cruelty that is brewed bitter.

If the guy's come-on was cheap, he has a lot more to dish out for other girls, and perhaps your style of rejection was appropriate.
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I think you might be confused as to why I would feel the need to confirm that he was interested. Sometimes girls feel that a guy is coming onto them when, in fact, he's not. That is why I like to confirm. I ask to make sure that I haven't misinterpreted anything.

I was joking about calling him a liar. If he said he wasn't coming onto me, then I would believe him and apologize for being presumptuous.

I would never make any guy feel bad in a situation like this. That's not what I do.
 
mansladder1.jpg
womansladder1.jpg



Friend ladder?
 
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