Time it takes to get over failure?

[Gaze]

How much time does it take you to get over a major disappointment, not achieving an important goal, or coming to terms with.not succeeding at something you've always wanted to do? Which disappointments take a shorter vs. longer time to get over? Why?

 

[sassafras]

ooh. This is one of those things that is definitely NOT cut and dry.

I think it depends on your own perceptions and beliefs about mourning the loss of something important, what constitutes as mourning, and what your emotional needs are as well as your individual psychology. Some people cling to the belief that 'important' means that you need to feel sad about something for an x amount of time otherwise, it wasn't as important as you thought it was and therefore, threatens the part of the ego that identified with the goal. Hence, they tend to hold on for things longer than most, because suddenly, it's not a goal that they need to move on from, it's their whole entire identity and that's a whole other can of crazy worms.

The other interesting thing to consider is that sometimes (not always) failure is actually the result of self-sabotage and the person might be reaping the psychological benefits from that loss that they were secretly after all along.

Everyone deals with loss and failure differently. Some people use it as fuel for new projects. Some use it as an excuse to shut out the world. Some people see failure as a new chapter in their lives and get excited. Some let it destroy them. Others (like myself) pretend like nothing is wrong and think they've moved on, but realize, years later, that they haven't deal with their emotional needs.

So sadly, the song I can write about this subject is depends, depends, depends.

 

[Rcs6r]

As long as it takes to achieve the next thing.

 

[Gaze]

ooh. This is one of those things that is definitely NOT cut and dry.

I think it depends on your own perceptions and beliefs about mourning the loss of something important, what constitutes as mourning, and what your emotional needs are as well as your individual psychology. Some people cling to the belief that 'important' means that you need to feel sad about something for an x amount of time otherwise, it wasn't as important as you thought it was and therefore, threatens the part of the ego that identified with the goal. Hence, they tend to hold on for things longer than most, because suddenly, it's not a goal that they need to move on from, it's their whole entire identity and that's a whole other can of crazy worms.

The other interesting thing to consider is that sometimes (not always) failure is actually the result of self-sabotage and the person might be reaping the psychological benefits from that loss that they were secretly after all along.

Everyone deals with loss and failure differently. Some people use it as fuel for new projects. Some use it as an excuse to shut out the world. Some people see failure as a new chapter in their lives and get excited. Some let it destroy them. Others (like myself) pretend like nothing is wrong and think they've moved on, but realize, years later, that they haven't deal with their emotional needs.

So sadly, the song I can write about this subject is depends, depends, depends.

Yeah, the psychology of it will often decide how disappointment affects us. I asked the question because I just realized today that I was just getting over the loss of a job from 1.5 years ago. It's weird. It made me question whether it normally takes that long to get over something. I also left my academic program this last year, and sometimes I still feel guilty about not finishing it. I wonder if self sabotage played a role. I'm hoping by the end of the year I'll emotionally move on from losing out on that one. Because I voluntarily left that opportunity, despite my regrets, I will probably get over it more quickly. I'll keep dwelling on the loss, questioning whether I made the right choice, or worrying about what I should have done better, and of course that keeps the mourning process going for much longer. In any case, it makes me wonder if that's been a pattern. I think if something is left behind intentionally, there is less regret and not as big a feeling of loss, which means it maybe easier to get over it. However, if it was an opportunity that was taken away because of failure to meet a desired goal which was not done as well as it could have been, then it takes me longer. Sometimes, years.

 

[Trifoilum]

ooh. This is one of those things that is definitely NOT cut and dry.

I think it depends on your own perceptions and beliefs about mourning the loss of something important, what constitutes as mourning, and what your emotional needs are as well as your individual psychology. Some people cling to the belief that 'important' means that you need to feel sad about something for an x amount of time otherwise, it wasn't as important as you thought it was and therefore, threatens the part of the ego that identified with the goal. Hence, they tend to hold on for things longer than most, because suddenly, it's not a goal that they need to move on from, it's their whole entire identity and that's a whole other can of crazy worms.

The other interesting thing to consider is that sometimes (not always) failure is actually the result of self-sabotage and the person might be reaping the psychological benefits from that loss that they were secretly after all along.

Everyone deals with loss and failure differently. Some people use it as fuel for new projects. Some use it as an excuse to shut out the world. Some people see failure as a new chapter in their lives and get excited. Some let it destroy them. Others (like myself) pretend like nothing is wrong and think they've moved on, but realize, years later, that they haven't deal with their emotional needs.

So sadly, the song I can write about this subject is depends, depends, depends.

Oh, truly, TDHT, what more can I say? <3 <3


Personally, I'm more of the self sabotager, that realized that I'm self sabotaging and felt bad about it. I tend to react to failure badly-- but it's worse when the failure was something I cannot prevent. And yes, I tend to shut out the world too.

 

[INFJok]

Dude, I constantly give myself a mental kick in the ass if I don't achieve a desired goal! Especially when I figure out that my fantasies are far from reality! And then when I see myself falling behind everyone else my age and I'm like....



it's like I'm already a late bloomer!

But yeah it takes me years to get over something that I really had my heart and my mind set on!

I'm constantly failing at something, it's like some type of force is trying to either teach me patience or suppress me!

Either way, it really pisses me off!

 

[nosferatu]

I actually take it fairly well. Mostly because when a project, relation with someone, job, etc is coming to an end, I generally get intense gut vibes way before it happens, kind of something kicks me in the gut and says all of the side perceptions I have are not lining up anymore with all of the circumstances at hand. In that moment I freak out and people think I'm a lunatic, but after I have that initial freak out, I can take the situation in stride. In fact I distance myself from the situation while still showing up for work/project/hanging out etc, and just kind of going with it. Like I'm half there, half not, my other half is already thinking of solutions rather than go down with the ship. In event the ship goes down there's always something else to leap on to before it is too late. I suppose this makes me sound like a giant opportunist asshole, but I dunno, after that kick in the gut (gut feeling), suddenly I wake up and see what I need to do in order to either preserve myself and well-being, and the situation itself. Even if it will fail.

Then when it all happens? I'm mostly "meh". Because I had already processed the failure long before it happened.

 

[Solongo]

Can take 1 second or a lifetime. Depends on how much you use your failure as an excuse to not get back up and try again. It's very easy to sit in one's failure than to get back up from it.

For important failures it can take as long as it takes for me to dissect and learn my lesson and not be in denial of my failure. The faster the process of moping, whining, complaining, fighting and finally surrendering to the failure; the faster it is to learn from the mistake and move on.

People who cannot get over their failures tend to take the failure as part of who they are; taking it way too personal and letting the failure define their character. Once this happens; it is almost impossible to come back from a failure because the person accepted it as part of who they are.

 

[Alomoes]

As long as it takes for me to start the next task.

 

[QuickTwist]

'Bout a month. I am currently drunk which to me, not getting drunk since... forever, is the last step to change. I want to change my life often, but my fear of failure prevents me; I view this as the last sign until I take my destiny into my own hands.

 

[wolkenkraetzer]

Can take 1 second or a lifetime.

It just depends upon the given situation. Most of it comes under the heading of "small stuff" and one doesn't sweat the small stuff.
You'll be able to figure out what constitutes a "major life moment" when it happens.

 

[sprinkles]

I don't think I ever get over anything really. Sure I let things go, for a while, and it feels like I'm over it... but it's tucked away in my memory bank somewhere because I don't really forget anything ever.