Thoughts on experience with Woman? | INFJ Forum

Thoughts on experience with Woman?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Darc, Oct 19, 2017.

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  1. Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    Well, I met this woman recently and I really, really liked her. I always try to tell myself that I just wanted to want something remotely casual, but then I look and want their to be at least some semblance of a connection which I think now speaking from this experience I wonder if I am just kidding myself and if I can really just date Casually?

    I really liked this person send even though I've never specifically though what my ideal mate is or even decided definitively what it is, she comes close to actually being what I've always sort of looked for or wanted in a mate which only makes me more sad and despondent. I find her really attractive and pretty, in fact, we spent lots of time just gazing into each other's eyes and faces, I'd look at her, send I guess maybe she was doing the same and I'd look back at her waiting for some kind of a response and she'd just kind of smirk at me and not say anything. She is kind of a tomboy, and she grew up in the country like I did, and she lost her father at a young age as well...she likes culture and art a bit as well, but I think she might be a T, but not in an extreme or coarse.

    Is this enough to go off for liking someone? Is the idea in my head for what is ideal for me really good for myself or just denial?njust in general I really like her personality and think she's perfect for me in some way. I meet so many people that I just can't relate to them but she was kind of a hipsters Ish, and had some of the same views as me. She does not really about being normal and it somewhat of an individual, I guess what I mean is that she's not really privileged basically...


    I guess I could see a lot of people not liking her because of how she is, but similarly, I experience the same thing quite often. I mean in a sense she's genuine and doesn't put on that much of a show or act for others...
     
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    #1 Darc, Oct 19, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
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  2. Disguised

    Disguised Community Member

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    Hmm. Here's a story. I met a girl in college I felt like would be perfect for me. She was my one and only partner to this point on. She was logically amazing, I could talk about anything with her, very beautiful, had found her passion in veterinary medicine, beaten severe depression and many things I found to be unique and likeable. Like we could relate in every way and have brilliant children some day. Start a life together and all that. I ended it though because I lacked the feeling of falling in love with this person. I didn't feel her. The thing I learned from this was that no traits can manipulate that feeling of love. We had a great half a year though so I'm not regretting anything.

    I think for a relationship to last both must inspire each other yet adore each other in their own feats of strength. I don't think it's healthy to look for an exact match in every field possible, but to seek someone who will teach you in ways. For both to advance on a personal level.

    I don't like to keep it casual at all. I usually can tell what the future of a relationship will look like, or atleast I think I can. And my story looked very boring the more I thought about it. I do have a friend now that seems to hold on to me and I to her and it feels great. I think you should try that. Friends first, and see what happens when you get to know this person better.
     
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  3. Chickensoup

    Chickensoup Community Member

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    First off, congratulations. It sounds like you migjt’ve found a kindred soul. Now, your next task is to get to know her more to see if that’s true. I think that her looking back at you is positive. Sometimes I smile back at people out of politeness, but will look away after a second. So, if you can hold her gaze - that’s a good sign.
     
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    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    Well I by no means would look tomorrow expect a perfect person without any flaws to conceivably have a relationship with, and by know means did I think she was perfect, it's just that she has a lot of traits and qualities that I desire in a mate I suppose, even though some of them are kind of minor things to most, people that they would not notice or make a big deal of. I just really kicked her and I don't find it have experienced it that much...


    She actually kind of pissed me off a few times, and I am not sure if she's a T or not, but she kept telling me not to think certain ways about things or she kept overstating some of her views, but I realized it in some ways it's her way of showing she cares, and honestly even though it was not really in an obvious way she actually kind of showed concern to me and cared which also I am not used of. I guess in some ways that are difficult to define we mesh or are pretty compatible, because I look at some or a lot of other women around me, I just don't quite feel that compatibility or on the same wave-length at all for some reason...

    Just things like...she's biracial a bit like I am, which you think wouldn't matter that much, but that's sort of what I think some of it was, but then I just loved her personality and how she was...her mannerisms, and how she was. I guess I sort of like "tomboys" as well, after travelling and stuff, I realized I just really like women like that..not necessarily butch or masculine, it's hard to describe, I just like women who are like That for some reason. We just spent lots of time staring into each other's eyes and laying next to each other and it just happened naturally...



    But I guess I felt like I'm bad, or like I must be stunted because she was a couple of years younger then me, but then that's the weird thing, I am still relatively young, but compared to alot of people, I seem to be aging way slower and I am still quite vibrant and do not show my age that much so *shrug*
     
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    #4 Darc, Oct 20, 2017
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  5. Disguised

    Disguised Community Member

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    Glad to hear! Perfection doesn't exist but in ones own eyes. That is why I seldom ask for relationship advice at all because of overthinking this stuff. It isn't necessary to think about compatibility if you have strong feelings about this person. Einstein said: "Don't worry about the future, it will come soon enough".

    It's good to have differing views. I think it is the only way of remaining objective and forming a thought that is explainable. I do find myself liking a woman with "balls" as well and stepping forward with a view that she stands for tells me just that.

    I would be much more worried if you were dating someone ten years older than you. +-2 years is optimal I feel like, and yet doesn't serve that much of a purpose. Mental growth is something that age doesn't measure that well which I nowadays find necessary for any relationship.
     
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  6. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    Sounds like quite the infatuation going on. Give her a chance.
     
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    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    I've just never met someone who makes me feel this way and I almost fèl sick because of it, and I am half hoping it's not real, because if it is it will completely change all my priorities in life and I'll have to commit to her, and then accept whatever comes from that which only makes me feel more emotionally torn and kind of sick.
     
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  8. Disguised

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    Relationships are difficult in that way. But I think a partner who limits you isn't worth it. Haven't met one that could have tolerated all my shenanigans, or atleast I feel like they wouldn't have. Yet again there might have not been those situations I ended up in.

    But I feel like you might regret not trying. What's the worst that could happen anyways? I think love is the best feeling like it is the worst so you have to decide if you want it and if you're ready for it now. I personally feel like I made the mistake of not trying quite too many times by only seeing the end in relationships, not the time and experience in between.
     
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  9. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    Don't do that
     
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  10. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    You're getting way ahead of yourself. Kind of a classic introvert thing. Don't worry about whether or not she might want matching dentures in your 80's before you've even started the relationship.
     
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  11. OP
    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    I've just never met someone who makes me feel this way and I almost fèl sick because of it, and I am half hoping it's not real, because if it is it will completely change all my priorities in life and I'll have to commit to her, and then accept whatever comes from that which only makes me feel more emotionally torn and kind of sick.
    Well, yes but we'll, is that not self centred to a degree? I just feel at times certain responsibilities or obligations must be met if one attempts to establish a serious relationship, and such is simply how nature intended things to be? I cannot really explain it, "infatuation" sure, but I've known enough pretty women and felt all kinds of things towards them, but beyond fleeting feelings of attraction it hasn't really been like this...

    In fact, we'll we're really similar and I've never had that before with anyone, in fact I don't think I've ever found someone that attractive before either day more then anything it's because I feel like she's so special and I don't know how many times I've been told that things like that are all protections in one way or another but she's still a person for whatever reason made her that way, and likewise so am I, and there's at least more then coincidences why we or at least momentarily there is some solace in that...
     
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  12. OP
    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    Well I'm not saying that's what it is...I'm just saying I am opening myself up to a realm, that is something I am often not too altogether used to...

    I am just a planning some possible dates and future scenarios, or what I might possibly say and talk to her about next and I am just horrendously frightened....
     
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  13. Disguised

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    What are these compromised priorities by the way if you feel like you have enough experiences already? I myself do question the idea of a happily ever after sort of relationship, love doesn't always last but even after relationships had ended we have been friends. Life goes on and there have been many that I see as rare individuals after that.

    If you want to be with her most of your time what other obligations there are to meet? Not to meet other women? Why would you even want that? You can't have a harem for sure. The feeling of coincidence as finding one another among many will not go away. Don't lie to yourself that she isn't rare, because in your eye she is just that. I bet she would help you with that fleeting of feelings and attraction. Even though a relationship might end it doesn't mean it would have been of no use. A waste of time so to speak. There was this one time I met one that was so rare that I couldn't even think of anyone else. To this day still I have wanted to experience what life together would have been.
     
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  14. OP
    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    Well, I guess it's justice almost though I'd never find someone who made me feel this way nor had a connection to like this, and it just shunned and floored me and it made me realize how much I've sort of given up on love in that way altogether....

    And I was just honestly focused on my own goals and pursuits and it's not a big a big deal I guess, it just makes me re-think my priorities, because if what I feel is real, I just feel obliged to be responsible if it is needed of me and such is at times how it is I guess because j just figure that, when you care a lot about someone it stops just being about yourself. Sure, I could look at it in a logical perspective and think that are goals have to align, there's plenty more people in the sea, but I just can't overlook how important and rare this feeling of connection.

    She makes me feel how I've always wanted deep down inside even though I partially haven't given up hope on that, as some wanton, unrealistic desire, but I've never felt this way about anyone. I mean obviously it might not last or go anymore, but either way it will break my heart probably, unless I find something unsightly about her.
     
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  15. Disguised

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    Caring I think is not the issue, letting go is. It easily becomes a personal issue more than it is understanding and appreciation towards another person. You can't be addicted to someone. Living alone leaves you with more time to focus and introspect that is for sure. Companionship on the other hand will keep you on track, and is very important no matter where you find it. I think she will understand your needs whatever they may be or if not, it is not one to maintain. Both need to be understood as individuals. Not just so that one makes the other happy and not the other way around.

    There is a vast difference between working with someone towards your goals and working with someone towards a better life. I call them colleagues and friends. There might be someone who fits in both, but cherry-picking is dangerous as the perfect cherry doesn't exist, seeking that perfection is doomed already. Feeling is the most important part in relationships anyways when both want each other in their lives.
     
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  16. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    It's always nice to meet someone new.

    I don't believe in dating casually: friends, lovers, or nothing. You've got to be clear about your intentions to prevent toxic situations from happening, even when you're nervous. It saves everyone time and heartbreak.
     
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