The Toxic Parent, The Wounded Child

aeon

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Three videos: mothers and their sons, fathers and their daughters, and the (mal)adaptive personas of their adult children.

I like the overall framework presented, in particular the parent typing (common in both the mother and father video), the sequelae, and the child typing, with sequelae and needs focus.




Cheers,
Ian
 
Thanks @aeon this really helps me solidify/integrate things in my own brain box
 
Thanks @aeon this really helps me solidify/integrate things in my own brain box
Mine as well, and I daresay such a framework is potentially useful in witness of others’ behaviors during engagement so as to feed intuitions about dynamics and drives.

Of course in concert with other things like attachment theory, need fundamentals, enneagram, vasovagal activation, schema theory, and so on.

As always, lens on self first before scrying others. 😂

added: if the above models are applied as a lens to particular cultural wars, to me it becomes quite apparent the world is filled with adults doing all manner of projection borne of unresolved childhood wound.

All below conscious awareness. Zombies, yo.

Of course I am no different. I continue to awaken to who I am as I shed what is not mine.

Cheers,
Ian
 
 
such a framework is potentially useful in witness of others’ behaviors during engagement so as to feed intuitions about dynamics and drives.

That was my primary gain here, applying this knowledge to better navigate the world
But of course it's useful for my own self analyzation as well, if only to reaffirm the awesomeness of my upbringing 🤣
No but really, life takes us through all sorts of circumstances with various triggers and difficulties pressed upon us
 
As per the book mentioned in the first video:

Robert Bly’s Iron John (1990) is both an in-depth analysis of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale “Iron John” (or “Iron Hans”) and a powerful manifesto advocating for a richer, more passionate masculinity—a response to the emotional voids experienced by men in contemporary culture.

Bly frames the fairy tale as a template for male initiation. In the story, a young prince steals the key from beneath his mother’s pillow to release the caged, elusive Wild Man—Iron John—who becomes his teacher and guide. For Bly, this act symbolizes the essential psychological separation from the maternal world that allows a boy to reclaim his “deep masculine” identity and embark on the transformative journey into mature manhood

Bly weaves Jungian psychology, myth, poetry, anthropology, and personal narrative into an eight-stage roadmap of masculine development—with archetypes such as the Wild Man, the King, the Warrior, the Lover, the Trickster, the Grief Man, and the Mythologist or Magician. Central to this journey are confronting grief and the shadow—the inner wounds and suppressed emotions—and receiving mentorship, modeled by Iron John, to guide through periods of trial and inner chaos.

Modern Western society, argues Bly, has stripped men of these symbolic initiations, leaving a generation of “soft males” overly compliant and disconnected from tradition's stronger, more grounded manhood—the “Fifties man” who valued toughness and emotional restraint—without offering a balanced alternative. Bly proposes a “third mode”—an integrated masculinity that allows both tenderness and wildness, strength and emotional wisdom.

The book also emphasizes the role of myth and ritual as emotional medicine. By engaging with archetypal stories, Bly believes men can rediscover their authentic selves, reconnect with feeling, and learn to bear grief and responsibility with strength and dignity.

Although highly influential—spending 62 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list and serving as a cornerstone of the mythopoetic men’s movement—Iron John has attracted criticism. Some reviewers argue Bly oversimplifies complex cultural issues or romanticizes mythical rites with little practical grounding in modern life. Others observe that, while Iron John helped many reconnect with depth and emotional resonance, its model of re-wilding masculinity may feel dated or exclusionary as perspectives on gender evolve.

In short: Iron John uses the metaphor-rich tale of the Wild Man to diagnose modern male disconnection and chart a path toward emotional depth, maturity, and psychological wholeness—by integrating archetypes, mentoring, grief, and mythic journey into the fabric of contemporary manhood.
 
 
Three videos: mothers and their sons, fathers and their daughters, and the (mal)adaptive personas of their adult children.

I like the overall framework presented, in particular the parent typing (common in both the mother and father video), the sequelae, and the child typing, with sequelae and needs focus.




Cheers,
Ian
Fascinating. I have found I’m a ghost, my brother is the darkness and my sister is the hostility type. Interesting how each child responds in a much different way within the same childhood environment. I used to be an are we good type in the past.
 
Fascinating. I have found I’m a ghost, my brother is the darkness and my sister is the hostility type. Interesting how each child responds in a much different way within the same childhood environment. I used to be an are we good type in the past.
My mother was 2/3 absent, 1/3 monster. Was.

When young, I was Are We Good? Then for a while I was The Darkness. Was.

Best to You,
Ian
 
My mother was 2/3 absent, 1/3 monster. Was.

When young, I was Are We Good? Then for a while I was The Darkness. Was.

Best to You,
Ian
This group along with therapy has helped me way more than anyplace actually could. Not many have understood me and that has been a huge challenge. Here I don’t overthink, don’t over analyze, don’t over extend, I’m allowed to simply exist. So I breathe a sigh of relief. This forum has given me what I’ve always missed in life…. Hope. So I don’t flee. I finally stay. I have found “my people”. It’s an amazing feeling when you’ve finally have found your tribe after a lifetime of feeling alienated, blamed, and misunderstood.
 
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