The things we don't talk about | INFJ Forum

The things we don't talk about

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by youhemmein, May 5, 2010.

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  1. youhemmein

    youhemmein awkward turtle
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    What are some things that people don't talk about, but you really wish they would?
    Why do you think these things are not discussed enough?
    Why do you wish they were discussed (more)?



    For me, one thing I wish wasn't kept so hush-hush is miscarriages. So many women (and their partners, often) experience the awful physical pain and emotional anguish involved with the loss of an unborn child, but it seems to be an uncomfortable thing to talk about. The psychological effect this has on a person is unbelievable, and yet it's almost TMI if the woman wants to talk about it. Is it because it's uncomfortable, or because it's not really seen as a loss? I don't know, but I wish people could be more open about it.

    edit: so the spelling error, yeah, sometimes i accidentally hit the touchpad with my thumb and it jumps to another place in the text box, and i continue typing. i don't always catch it. lol. that was kind of hilarious, though.
     
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    #1 youhemmein, May 5, 2010
    Last edited: May 5, 2010
  2. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    What are some things that people don't talk about, but you really wish they would?
    I wish people would talk about the prospect of abortion more often or have it be acceptable to say you've had one. As well as miscarriages, this can have a terrible psychological effect on people. They get stuck in thinking about whether or not they did the right thing. It's a decision you can't take back and things like that can destroy people. BUT, it needs to be an accessible option for all. All of the pregnant teenagers should not be forced to have a baby they can't take care of.

    Why do you think these things are not discussed enough?
    I think the whole "religious" and "taboo" factor keep people from discussing things like this. People are afraid they'll be judged to hell by someone who doesn't even understand why they had an abortion in the first place.
     
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  3. OP
    youhemmein

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    I agree with you, for the most part. A friend of mine in high school was forced to have an abortion at the age of 14 by her father. He threatened to kick her out of the house if she didn't do it, and she had nowhere else to go. Legally, I know this would not have lasted long, but at the time, she didn't know any better. She was severely damaged by it, psychologically speaking. And the way she told me seemed like she was ashamed of herself for doing it. So sad. :(
     
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  4. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    Being forced to have one is different, I think. It's crazy to think that he would have done that to his daughter. When I went through a similar experience (although I was a few years older) my mom laid out all the options for me. She told me I could keep it, put it up for adoption, or get an abortion and she would stand by me the entire way. I ended up picking to get an abortion since I was only six weeks and during that period you can just take a pill at home. I cried for days and thought I was a horrible person, but I know now that I made the right decision. I wasn't ready to raise a baby and there is no way I would have been able to give it up once I saw it.
     
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    #4 That Girl, May 5, 2010
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  5. OP
    youhemmein

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    It is for sure something I could never do, but I can understand why there are circumstances where there may be no other feasible options.
     
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  6. Blind Bandit

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    I guess not really talk about but let happen. It seems everyone around me (family at least) holds in emotion so much. Everyone is afraid of breaking social norms and getting emotional. And therefor they don't deal with the problems.

    I wish people would talk about depression and suicide and just let things like this be discussed instead of pushing it under the rug.
     
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  7. That Girl

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    I think if we discussed things like this there wouldn't be so much suicide in the first place. People can't let out their problems and end up feeling like there is no answer to them. It's important to have a place where you can let out your feelings. That's why therapists get paid so much.
     
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  8. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    Agreed people shut down when you need them the most. I've learned to be a good listener and keep my mouth shut so people can get things out in the open.
     
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  9. TinyBubbles

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    i wish people talked about political corruption and social discrimination (of all sorts) more often, so hopefully such things wouldn't happen as often as they do.

    edit: also history. i really wish people were more aware of and talked more about what has happened in the past, since otherwise we're liable to make the same mistakes as our predecessors.
     
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    #9 TinyBubbles, May 5, 2010
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  10. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Very true - depression is absolutely taboo almost everywhere, despite being so common.
     
  11. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    i think depression is talked about a lot more than it used to be, and certainly more often than some mental illnesses, like schizophrenia. we're getting there ;)

    also, that depression seems so common is i think more a reflection of the fact that it is so frequently talked about, rather than it actually being commonplace. lots of people who think they're depressed are probably just sad. similarly though, lots of people who think they're fine might actually be depressed and not quantify it as such, because the public image of depression paints sufferers as totally inconsolable and listless, which is not always the case.
     
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  12. OP
    youhemmein

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    I'm with you 100% on this, BB. As a teenager, mental illness and mood disorders plagued my daily life, and there was not a single person my age that I could talk to about what I was experiencing. It has gotten better, and I have gotten older, but I wish that I hadn't felt like it was something I had to keep secret. My mom once told me not to tell anyone I was taking anti-depressants, because they would judge me. When I think about it, she was right. As an adult, there still is a stigma about these things that bothers me.
     
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  13. Gaze

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    Yeah, i went through my childhood with no professional diagnosis but i know something was wrong. But it was chalked up to childhood withdrawal and not being well adjusted. It was easy for everyone to write you off as a socially awkward or weird child. No one tried to understand. I relied quite a bit on my faith during those years to get me through.
     
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  14. Gaze

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    Yeah, i went through my childhood with no professional psych diagnosis but i knew something was wrong. But it was chalked up to weak disposition, inablity to be tough or "thick skinned", childhood withdrawal, and not being well adjusted. It was easy for everyone to write someone off as a socially awkward or weird child, rather than offer support or understanding. I relied quite a bit on my faith during those years to get me through some difficult times.
     
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    #14 Gaze, May 5, 2010
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  15. NeverAmI

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    I think depression tends to become more commonplace as society moves away from existing to support its people and rather to support its businesses. Individuals seem to become more commodity than anything else. Some people are more sensitive to this than others.

    I just don't think it makes sense in the long term to globally support the group of people that can hoarde new resources the quickest and find the best way to exploit them. It is short-sighted and rife with potential negative consequences.
     
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  16. WellNoWonder

    WellNoWonder Peace Through Action

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    These....

    And I can say they both tied into each other for me...

    I was a screwed up teenager...I think I cried every night from 12-15 years old.

    Sports ended up being my outlet.
     
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  17. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Whether they have been abused or are currently involved in an abusive situation...
    Instead of keeping it a secret, blaming themselves, and/or denying the abuse altogether..

    It's not discussed because victims of abuse are usually shamed into believing it is their fault.

    I wish it were discussed more so that people could be more aware of abusive tendencies in others before they get involved with a psycho (romantic partnership-wise).



    I also think self-love needs to be taught and encouraged more in people because a healthy self-esteem in itself helps to prevent abusive partnerships.
     
    #17 acd, May 7, 2010
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  18. OP
    youhemmein

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    I agree acd.

    Another one that has been bugging me is homeless people. I don't know why we just drive or walk by them and don't even treat them like human beings. It breaks my heart to see people sleeping on the streets. This one hits extremely close to home with me. I get that there are drug addicts and alcoholics panhandling to get the next fix. There are also legitimately downtrodden individuals with heart-wrenching stories to tell of the life they once knew, and where it all went. I have had to drop my own parents off at a homeless shelter because I had no place of my own to let them sleep. So many sad stories that people don't want to hear, because then they might come face to face with the understanding of the difference between "want" and "need."
     
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  19. Entyqua

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    ...some great points here...

    I wish people in general were just more open...
     
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  20. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Or because then they'd have to own up to the fact that this system doesn't work.
     
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