The stability of your sense of self.

[Ciergan]

By this I mean how well your personal consciousness and train of thought hold up when in different environments. This is one of the bigger influences for me as an INFJ: depending on how active or chaotic the outside world is, or how larger-than-life the people are in my immediate vicinity, it's really easy for me to lose my sense of self and base my perception on their point of view. It doesn't matter how much I have done for myself that day or whatever priorities I had up to that point. Suddenly, I can become the Jeff to your Mutt and temporarily lose my memory of myself. It's not until I leave the situation that my real self comes back in. My empathy is so well developed that it's sometimes difficult to divorce others' emotions from my own.

I didn't realize this process until I got out of college and began working on self-development. I think it happens for every human being on the planet; for INFJs, however, it's a particularly nasty trap to fall into if you don't reset yourself between environments.

 

[Gaze]

I'm an INFP, and I struggle with this as well. When I'm in a more social environment, I lose track of my "self". It's like merging into a lump of clay which becomes molded by whoever or whatever I'm working with in that moment or that day. It's only when I leave the situation, that I rediscover the true or core self I value. It's tough because it's easy to think that the person you change into when you're doing all that adapting is the real you. It isn't. It's just you in that situation or at that moment. Those on the outside looking at the exterior may feel it's a permanent identity, that's the real personality, but it isn't entirely. It's a face or persona you adopt when you're interacting in those environments with them. And yes, with a great deal of empathy it's easy to feel yourself taking on someone's feelings or emotions quite easily rather than keep it separate. At some point, you will just have to set emotional boundaries for yourself. Give only as much as you can, and learn to close yourself off to some of the emotional energies that you pick up from others. It's ok to not be sensitive to every feeling or emotion you experience from others.

 

[Sriracha]

For a very long time I was like this ... until it would somehow backfire. Now I don't care if my own opinion displeases another. My opinion is just as valid as theirs. If they don't see it that way, they are not worth my time. I realize that beforehand, I may have molded to the latter in order to fit in. The older I get, the more confident I am in myself and the more I realize mature adults are accepting of differences. Since I changed from pleasing to standing on my own, my friendships have only improved (either by elimination and making new or by current friends respecting what makes me different.)

 

[Trifoilum]

Oh, yes; I realized back then I work best as a supporter. Not exactly the Beta, but the....hidden supporter, the one strengthening resolve and supporting the validity of whatever people are saying. I think I still have that tendencies now.

Speaking from experience, after one too many (per case thing, unfortunately) happenings like that, there's a sense of "wait, I'm bending here. Towards what?" The next questions are trying to answer that one question.

Still, depending of the actual charisma / presence of the person, and the importance of the issue, it may be evoked unconsciously. I think it's one of the Fe traps I'm describing on that other topic.
The ugly thing is the conscious effort to resist falling to that trap can be seen as 'distancing', in another point of view. With another Fe user, it can be seen as such. With a Te user, if you disagree with the statistical value, it can also be messy. "WHY don't you agreed with buying an X amount of Y!?"

 

[randomsomeone]

I went "off the grid" many years ago when I found other anchors for my sense of self that provide stability. Others see a part of me, and this can modulate depending on the situation or need of the moment, but my deepest self does not change...it remains firmly rooted in things more far-reaching, and therefore perpetually relevant. It's not like these are two incongruous or seperate modes, it's just that my deeper self continues far past what others are prepared to process...so it goes unnoticed. But it is all connected within.

I think this enables me to be far more fluid on the surface in my interactions with others, far more giving and open. Why? Because my more core self remains calm, at peace, centered...I can easily afford to be more free and accessible.

 

[Ryo]

I feel like my sense of self is pretty solid and I don't often lose track of it around other people. Having said that, I think it takes the right balance of introversion and extroversion to maintain that. When I don't spend enough time alone or don't spend any time with people I start to feel like I'm disintegrating a little.

 

[barbad0s]

For a very long time I was like this ... until it would somehow backfire. Now I don't care if my own opinion displeases another. My opinion is just as valid as theirs. If they don't see it that way, they are not worth my time. I realize that beforehand, I may have molded to the latter in order to fit in. The older I get, the more confident I am in myself and the more I realize mature adults are accepting of differences. Since I changed from pleasing to standing on my own, my friendships have only improved (either by elimination and making new or by current friends respecting what makes me different.)

this, basically. i will still mirror to an extent to be more alike to the person and therefore make them feel more at ease, but i will convey my values and strong aspects of my personality honestly and clearly. people benefit when not everybody tries to act the same way to fit in. i stand my ground and maintain confidence with who i am, and people respect that easily.