the asexual dream

[invisible]

i think that in some fairly valid ways it could be said that the archetypal heterosexist "dream" at least in this predominantly english-speaking "western" type culture which many of us have a stake involves a progression through romantic love with an individual of the opposite sex, to a shared lifestyle involving certain elements typically including financial cooperation, ongoing sexual interactions resulting to some degree in sexual reproduction, and the raising of offspring. this seems to be a fairly stable and change-resistant set of notions into which many young people are successfully systemically inducted through a whole interconnected set of frameworks that operate at a societal level such as popular media, prevailing legal sanction, whatever.

perhaps this range of circumstances has come into play purely through historical patterning with no genuine claim to general human wellbeing or development apart from for whatever reason has "worked" on average thus far. but allowing for that, i'm interested as to whether there is some sort of comparably generalisable asexual archetype somehow existing in some apprehensible form out there - some idea of what constitutes fulfilment for a person based on their asexual identification or way of seeing themselves. if the young heterosexual dreams of becoming married and raising a family, what is the dream of the young asexual person? is it a romantic type dream, or a career dream, or some other kind of focus for self-development or drive or just movement through the human life cycle?

i recognise that this may be a very silly question, but i definitely do not intend any offence by it, i'm just very curious about differing ideas and opinions about this, especially from asexual people who may be on the forum, or from people who might otherwise feel insights into these issues.

thanks!,

 

[Faye]

I would imagine that the joy (or perhaps misery) of the situation if you're asexual is that the possibilities are endless. You're not bound by the heterosexual paradigm (not that heterosexuals even are) or whatever homosexuals or others are, so I guess you could devote yourself to whatever or whomever you want.

I don't think an asexual paradigm exists because there are so few asexual.

 

[kucala]

[MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION]
[MENTION=1815]Matariki[/MENTION]

 

[Radiantshadow]

~.- True companionship, I imagine. I understand asexuality as being disassociated from all things sexual, so take that out of the human experience and everything left should qualify*. In a way, and pardon me if this is incorrect, I think taking "sex" out of life would amplify the importance of many other things and act as an enrichment device. This is raw conjecture, though.

*My wording may suggest a less-than-human aspect, this is unintended. I actually envy asexuality at times.

 

[Peppermint]

I don't think anybody should be bound by a single paradigm based on their sexual orientation, but apparently a lot of people are.

Since I'm not one of those asexuals who shun sex entirely out of their lives, I'm perhaps not qualified to respond to the question. Anyway, that's kind of a boring life goal. I'm more of an open ended, experience oriented person. I'll take the partner, but kids, no thanks.

 

[slant]

I would answer the question but I am VERY confused by the opening post. It was extremely wordy and I have found it hard to decode.

 

[invisible]

I would answer the question but I am VERY confused by the opening post. It was extremely wordy and I have found it hard to decode.

sorry!

i meant, there seems to be an image in popular culture of an idealised dream that is common to heterosexual people, that involves finding fulfilment through settling down in a relationship and having kids. would there be any similar generalisable ideal dream for asexual people, or are they all completely different?

 

[slant]

I dunno. I think that there are no stereotypes like that because there is not a big enough concentration like that. Stereotype wise the big one is ending up alone with a million cats, but that's not the ideal, it's just the perception.

 

[technics]

if the young heterosexual dreams of becoming married and raising a family, what is the dream of the young asexual person? is it a romantic type dream, or a career dream, or some other kind of focus for self-development or drive or just movement through the human life cycle?

I wouldn't call myself asexual, but I have an exceptionally low libido. It fires up once or twice a year (like now) and then I have a few adventures, but otherwise it's flat.

From my point of view, being asexual (includes low libido) is a gift somehow. When I compare myself to my friend who is quite the opposite of me (he always has to pick up women whenever we go out), I realize how tiring that must be, to be a slave to your sexual desires.

And so having low sexual desires, you just get so much more space for controlling your life. You could say you're not so tied to nature. And so I have picked a few virtues or goals to follow: I want to become knowledgeable (very much in line with the Enlightenment). I want to see the world (travelling). And I want to contribute something good, something for the next generation.

I've gone through lots of decisions concerning the design of my life and the last realization was really "Do I want to look back at my life and see that I've always worked for companies?". And the answer was no. I realized it's better to work towards the values I believe in.

 

[Stu]

i think that in some fairly valid ways it could be said that the archetypal heterosexist "dream" at least in this predominantly english-speaking "western" type culture ........... involves a progression through romantic love with an individual of the opposite sex, to a shared lifestyle involving certain elements typically including financial cooperation, ongoing sexual interactions resulting to some degree in sexual reproduction, and the raising of offspring. this seems to be a fairly stable and change-resistant set of notions into which many young people are successfully systemically inducted through a whole interconnected set of frameworks that operate at a societal level such as popular media, prevailing legal sanction, whatever.

1. the notion of romantic love. This is a strong element in the story. It revolves around the notion, fantasy, ideal, of finding in another a deep emotional, intellectual and instinctual connection. The idea that each human is incomplete and in seeking wholeness looks for it in another.

2. family life. The attempt to replicate the harmony of the bond each of us (hopefully) felt between ourselves and our primary care giver in infancy. In fact the infant can not really be thought of as an individual in those first months of life as there is always a care giver near at hand.

Both of these elements are woven into the story we tell our youth, but it is the elements that are the driving force. Each individual needs to come to an understanding of them and relate them to the life they actually lead.

 

[randomsomeone]

I'm not altogether sure what we are talking about here, but I have always felt that defining one's self primarily by matters of sexuality is too limiting (dispite being in vogue) for my taste. There is much more to us than that.

That said, my faith community has a long tradition that embraces celibacy as a legitimate life choice for both men and women. When this is a person's true calling and it is lived in a healthy way, it does present a whole other life option. Now obviously, these people are not asexual (by certain definitions), but they do set aside the "couple mentality" for a different "dream." Is this part of what is being discussed here?

 

[Zionoxis]

On many occasions, I have pondered if it were possible for me to remove my sexual drive completely while still keeping organs in tact. I am not sure, something which was not permanent, but asexuality sounds like I could actually get something productive done.

 

[GracieRuth]

what is the dream of the young asexual person?

Get thee to a nunnery! seriously, if a person is asexual, they still have their family, their friends, and are free to pursue a lot of endeavors that are impracticle to married couples.