Si, a source of pain and avoidance?

[rainrise]

i realize that as Ni is our dominant function, Si is our last and least used of our cognitive functions in theory. i find that not only is my Si almost nonexistant, it also conjures the most pain for me.
there are long periods in my past which have an underlying dysthymic quality to their derived memories, mainly pertaining to a negative or isolated sense of self during childhood and early adolescence. i have long surpassed this, however i do find it still an eery feeling when confronting memoirs of the past such as reveiwing old photographs.
although Si brings me nostalgic happiness many a time as well as gratitude, it nevertheless carries with it a vast amount of dormant pain. pain in the form of scar tissue that is healed yet revealing in appearance. it is not fatal anymore and is accepted as part of the body, however it is a reminder of something you know better than to dig up again and thus brings discomfort.
how do you deal with Si...or how does Si affect you? i'm curious because i'm not sure if this happens to other INFJs or if it is just personal for me.

 

[Confused Mind]

i realize that as Ni is our dominant function, Si is our last and least used of our cognitive functions in theory. i find that not only is my Si almost nonexistant, it also conjures the most pain for me.
there are long periods in my past which have an underlying dysthymic quality to their derived memories, mainly pertaining to a negative or isolated sense of self during childhood and early adolescence. i have long surpassed this, however i do find it still an eery feeling when confronting memoirs of the past such as reveiwing old photographs.
although Si brings me nostalgic happiness many a time as well as gratitude, it nevertheless carries with it a vast amount of dormant pain. pain in the form of scar tissue that is healed yet revealing in appearance. it is not fatal anymore and is accepted as part of the body, however it is a reminder of something you know better than to dig up again and thus brings discomfort.
how do you deal with Si...or how does Si affect you? i'm curious because i'm not sure if this happens to other INFJs or if it is just personal for me.

I hate to go to places or see people that remind me of my past stages and try to avoid them. I just want to move on forward and rarely look back.

 

[Julia]

I rarely take or keep photographs. I have a kind of intense nostalgia, but it isn't focused specifically on past events. It has more of a timeless quality, of glimpsing all the pain and joy at the same time. It's a sense of my own insignificance and how vast the greater scheme of things really is. It's often based on feeling an intense connection to my little piece of reality combined with a sense profound loss for how much is no longer, or will never be, my piece of reality.

The closest thing I have to introverted sensing is that I had some tendency to order the same thing at a restaurant because it can be really disappointing to spend my last five bucks and end up with gooey pancakes or something. I have a little fear of disappointment that causes me to recreate the same sensory experience that is safe. More often my senses are awakened when I let go of everything inside me and view the world as though I have never seen it before. That is when it becomes the most beautiful to me and when I feel the most deeply connected to everything.

 

[Faye]

I don't know about Si but I sound like you do. I think it is something that we have to overcome though acceptance.

 

[rainrise]

I hate to go to places or see people that remind me of my past stages and try to avoid them. I just want to move on forward and rarely look back.

i read somewhere that INFJs like revisiting old landmarks in their lives to gain profound feeling and insight from them (rekindle their past maybe?). however, i too am like you. i dislike going to places or associating with people that remind me of the past, whether on good terms or bad. i am sometimes confused as to why this is and others don't quite understand and some may even see me as uncaring.

 

[rainrise]

I rarely take or keep photographs. I have a kind of intense nostalgia, but it isn't focused specifically on past events. It has more of a timeless quality, of glimpsing all the pain and joy at the same time. It's a sense of my own insignificance and how vast the greater scheme of things really is. It's often based on feeling an intense connection to my little piece of reality combined with a sense profound loss for how much is no longer, or will never be, my piece of reality.

it's amazing that you should write that. that so accentuates my perception of the past...it has a timeless essence of the compiling of all emotions and images that is interwoven with the present as much as the past and myself as much as my surroundings then and now.
i too feel the loss or longing for what is nevermore, however, profound insight may be reaped by likening it to the impermanence of all things as well as myself, thereby instilling a feeling of gratitude and beauty of fleeting experience.