Shallow...Superficiality | INFJ Forum

Shallow...Superficiality

moonsorbananas

moonsorbananas

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Apr 4, 2014
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Are INFJs shallow? I find myself wondering if we are all shallow or if that is just me.

First of all, I love all people and consider every person to be beautiful; however, I am very critical of my own appearance.

Also, when it comes to a mate, I 100% have to be attracted to him. I want him to give me a certain feeling.

I was just wondering, is this just me or my INFJness?? (Se?)

I told someone that if I were to suffer burns I would rather have died in the accident. I wouldn't want to come out alive with burns. Then this person told me that I was "horrible" for saying that. "Horrible" really? I mean, I am not saying other burn victims should be dead or that they aren't beautiful people. I am just saying that I couldn't imagine living that way and being happy??

Maybe I am thinking too much? Y'all let me know...
 
moonsorbananas said:
Are INFJs shallow? I find myself wondering if we are all shallow or if that is just me.

First of all, I love all people and consider every person to be beautiful; however, I am very critical of my own appearance.

Also, when it comes to a mate, I 100% have to be attracted to him. I want him to give me a certain feeling.

I was just wondering, is this just me or my INFJness?? (Se?)

I told someone that if I were to suffer burns I would rather have died in the accident. I wouldn't want to come out alive with burns. Then this person told me that I was "horrible" for saying that. "Horrible" really? I mean, I am not saying other burn victims should be dead or that they aren't beautiful people. I am just saying that I couldn't imagine living that way and being happy??

Maybe I am thinking too much? Y'all let me know...
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Feelings and beauty do not last. I think the name for attachment to these things is vanity, not superficiality.

Superficiality is about being oblivious to anything but the vain. Vanity is preference for the vain.
 
moonsorbananas said:
So, I am vain :'(
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No, you're moonsorbananas, who may or may not have particularly high standards if not unrealistic ones(including of yourself, which is common for most people especially INFJs.) Your trying to understand things with the limited information given to you and lack experience to properly filter the information you have. It's part of being human and being young, you may change your mind on how you feel about life if you actually suffered disfiguring burns or met someone whom you felt attracted to who was also disfigured.
 
These arent very good examples of superficiality.
 
Not wanting to be negativist, but I think INFJs is the most superficial-shallow of all 16 types, in a natural way. Naturally, INFJs are big dreamers, independent, and irresponsable.
Of course, this can be changed.
 
Barnabas said:
No, you're moonsorbananas, who may or may not have particularly high standards if not unrealistic ones(including of yourself, which is common for most people especially INFJs.) Your trying to understand things with the limited information given to you and lack experience to properly filter the information you have. It's part of being human and being young, you may change your mind on how you feel about life if you actually suffered disfiguring burns or met someone whom you felt attracted to who was also disfigured.
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So very true...yeah, thanks....essentially I am thinking too much...heh :)
 
moonsorbananas said:
Are INFJs shallow? I find myself wondering if we are all shallow or if that is just me.

First of all, I love all people and consider every person to be beautiful; however, I am very critical of my own appearance.

Also, when it comes to a mate, I 100% have to be attracted to him. I want him to give me a certain feeling.

I was just wondering, is this just me or my INFJness?? (Se?)

I told someone that if I were to suffer burns I would rather have died in the accident. I wouldn't want to come out alive with burns. Then this person told me that I was "horrible" for saying that. "Horrible" really? I mean, I am not saying other burn victims should be dead or that they aren't beautiful people. I am just saying that I couldn't imagine living that way and being happy??

Maybe I am thinking too much? Y'all let me know...
Click to expand...

That person was horrible for calling you horrible. You can feel whatever way you want about it and you shouldn't feel bad. You know what you can handle and being a burn victim is obviously not on that list. It's not on mine either.

I don't think you were being shallow or vain. What I think you were being was 'honest'.

I would stop caring so much about this person's opinion. You know you didn't mean any harm by what you said, so f*** em' if they misunderstood you.
 
CrazyBeautiful said:
That person was horrible for calling you horrible. You can feel whatever way you want about it and you shouldn't feel bad. You know what you can handle and being a burn victim is obviously not on that list. It's not on mine either.

I don't think you were being shallow or vain. What I think you were being was 'honest'.

I would stop caring so much about this person's opinion. You know you didn't mean any harm by what you said, so f*** em' if they misunderstood you.
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Thanks so much. I was aggravated by her statement. I told her I am not horrible and it is my opinion after all. I'm glad you agree with me! lol...
 
moonsorbananas said:
Thanks so much. I was aggravated by her statement. I told her I am not horrible and it is my opinion after all. I'm glad you agree with me! lol...
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I am kind of beating a dead horse here but I agree, you can feel what you want to feel. I would be able to live with being a burn victim because I think it would make me look tough. Haha ;) But I don't think I could stand being blind or deaf. Now that doesn't mean that all blind or deaf people should go jump off a bridge, it's just it would be difficult for me to never hear a classical song again or watch my favorite movie. Am I evil for thinking that? No. Neither are you for having an issue with becoming a burn victim. I don't because I grew up with one. My step dad was 22 and a roofer when he fell off a building and landed in hot tar. Burned over half his body. The scars never really stood out to me because I grew up around it. However there was next to no scaring on his face.
 
moonsorbananas said:
Are INFJs shallow? I find myself wondering if we are all shallow or if that is just me.

First of all, I love all people and consider every person to be beautiful; however, I am very critical of my own appearance.

Also, when it comes to a mate, I 100% have to be attracted to him. I want him to give me a certain feeling.

I was just wondering, is this just me or my INFJness?? (Se?)

I told someone that if I were to suffer burns I would rather have died in the accident. I wouldn't want to come out alive with burns. Then this person told me that I was "horrible" for saying that. "Horrible" really? I mean, I am not saying other burn victims should be dead or that they aren't beautiful people. I am just saying that I couldn't imagine living that way and being happy??

Maybe I am thinking too much? Y'all let me know...
Click to expand...


One more thing, take it from someone who used to think that they would rather die if they went through one event or another, your stronger than you probably think. Your will to live and ability to recover is also probably stronger than you think. You would be amazed at what you can go through and still come out smiling afterwards.
 
OP, you're overthinking it. There are heaps of people who take this attitude (or far more superficial ones) into all of their relationships and never think twice about it.

There's no reason to be ashamed of wanting to feel a certain way around somebody. I think the problem for people who are idealistic perfectionist overthinkers is that we have such a vision of what we want out of everything in life that we forget that the "ideal" in this case happens to involve another human being. People deserve better than to be another part of somebody else's ideal world. We're actually pretty cruel when we feel disappointed in our reality.
 
casie said:
People deserve better than to be another part of somebody else's ideal world.
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This is so true and incredibly important. We can make things so much worse by trying to fit everything and everyone into what we think 'should be'. Life is not all about us or our idea of the perfect anything. It is much healthier to see the beauty in human frailty and in helping each other grow without judgement.

[MENTION=11158]moonsorbananas[/MENTION], don't judge yourself too harshly for how you are feeling but also extend that to not judge others too harshly for not matching your expectations. We are all people and we all have our quirks and our 'issues', that is not an INFJ thing alone. I am definitely not superficial but I am also human and sensitive so that I would rather be with people who make me feel comfortable than not. Personally I can feel more comfortable around people who have lived through very difficult things (like being burned) and come out wiser as opposed to bitter than being around people who have negative or judgemental attitudes. Human resilience and strength in adversity can be beautiful and inspiring. I would not wish terrible things to happen to anybody and it is natural to not want terrible things to happen to us but sometimes people grow into more beautiful people once they had lived through adversity.
 
I side with the rest of the posters and say that you're overthinking it. The person was probably overreacting. And there's nothing wrong with having a side of you that is vain. You know i have it too sometimes, even if i don't want to admit it, thing is not to take yourself too seriously and being able to laugh at yourself sometimes.
Also you seem to be a perfectionist more than a shallow person from what you wrote in the OP.
 
Posting about Thomas Piketty's Capital within a few days of its release is another.
 
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