[INFJ] - Sense of self and other people's assumptions? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Sense of self and other people's assumptions?


Mar 14, 2019
Let’s start by saying that I am a quiet on most social situations. When you don’t talk much people make assumptions of you and treat you based on their assumptions. These assumptions could be negative or positive, and the ones who made them seem to believe this to be a part of you although you know that it is not true (although I do not know what is true either).

How affected are you by these assumptions? Regardless of the type of assumption (+ve or -ve), I would embody these assumptions and adjust how I act as such towards the person or group of people who made the assumption. It might be because I do not want to disappoint their beliefs?

There are several implications of this that I can think of. First, it leads to having different personas to different people. Second, depending on the type of assumption, I usually start to believe that I am a bad person, a worthless person, or a fake person. Spend some time away alone and I go back to being myself and the cycle happens...

Just wondering if this makes sense to anyone?
Honestly, I think that most people's thoughts are dumb if they're not based on verifiable facts.

People can have whatever assumptions about me but I don't care because they're probably not worth pleasing in the first place.

I have things to get done, anyone who deters me is wasting my time.
I honestly don't think the average person doesn't pay any of us that much mind.

It's different when you're in a social situation where someone is sizing you up (i.e. a date or for a job interview), but most people are either off in their own world or worrying about what you think of them. Most of them, if you're anxious in social situations, you're the one making assumptions about what they're thinking of you and not what they're actually thinking of you.

I know its easier said than done, but relax. And if you're really having a hard time with it, pick out one thing you don't like about the person you're talking to and three things you do like. It'll give you back a little control while also helping you project that like onto them. People like people who like them.

Look for the positives in a social reaction as opposed to the negatives. It'll put *you* more at ease too.

It comes with practice. Go to network events and meet-ups and be as social as possible without thinking that much about yourself.