Second Guessing and Filtering

[Julia]

I am struggling more than ever with second guessing everything I say and trying to filter it through the eyes of every possible person affected. As a result I delete half or more of the posts I make on forums. If there is some dynamic of tension throughout a forum (not referring to this one), or if one member is an ex, a friend, current relationship, I drive myself mad trying to think if what I said could be possibly misconstrued or what sorts of assumptions people might read. I'm taking this too far and am walking on eggshells (less so here than anywhere. It's a relief actually). Unfortunately people appear really volatile and fragile to me. I can usually hold steady and not get easily offended myself, but others seem erratic. I suspect I will be second guessing this, but not as much as on forums where there are tensions between entire groups of people and those who get so mad and it seems so alien to me. I feel out of step with people and like I have to work extra hard to not step on a mine. Social interactions feel exactly like mine fields to me when anger is introduced. It's the one emotion I blank out over. Sometimes I can't even see it and when I do, I get really disoriented.

Do any of you struggle with this and how do you temper it in a reasonable manner?

 

[jn56uytrx]

Do any of you struggle with this

Not the exact same situation, but yes.

and how do you temper it in a reasonable manner?

I withdraw and only post responses to online tests...until I feel they also are too potentially explosive and disappear from the internet altogether.

That's kind of a joke and kind of not.

I do really struggle with an excessive feeling of concern for how my words will be received and wanting that experience to be positive for the other and reflect back positively on me. At some point of exposure I feel my impotence in that endeavor and do eventually just withdraw to a large degree from communication until...well, in considering it's until I've been removed from a situation long enough to regain the naive sense that I can communicate in a way that is always a positive experience for myself and others. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I think the more reasonable approach is to get to a place of acceptance that what I say will not always be received well and find peace with saying it anyway.

 

[rainrise]

i've always felt somewhat responsible to take care of other's feelings, even when i don't particularly like the person and have always struggled with showing anger to others.

i understand the effects of the words i choose under certain circumstances and how they can be mistakenly taken depending on the perspective someone chooses to understand it through. when i am addressing my views in a group situation, i do find it simpler to disregard my need to tailor my own language to every person, but within reason. i have become more aware of the fact that people do have as many different emotional responses as they do opinions. thus, i find it gradually easier to be able to hold my own stance without being so readily absorbed in taking sole responsibility to maintain peace.

i do feel anger when i am alone and am able to process it and understand it on my own terms. however, when there is evident anger in outer groups or situations, i do withdraw and have a hard time becoming as agitated whether or not i acknowledge my own like emotions. this always becomes worse when other's want me to match their anger.

 

[lullaby]

Yes. i do relate to most of what has been said here. I think its because we feel so responsible for others feelings and we know what what we do or say might affect them

 

[Julia]

i do feel anger when i am alone and am able to process it and understand it on my own terms. however, when there is evident anger in outer groups or situations, i do withdraw and have a hard time becoming as agitated whether or not i acknowledge my own like emotions. this always becomes worse when other's want me to match their anger.

That is well said, and I relate to what you describe here. It's difficult to respond in anger when the button pushing process is clear and it is also clear that matching the anger does not have a constructive outcome.