Pros and cons of dating your best friend

[Gaze]

Had a conversation with people this past week about dating best friends. One person said, it didn't work for them and preferred to date someone new. What do you think?

What are the pros and cons of dating a best friend or someone you've known for a long time?

 

[charlatan]

I guess I'm confused -- unless one is looking for a short term fun/nonserious thing, isn't knowing each other for a long time not at all a disadvantage?

 

[Eventhorizon]

Con is if things go South, you loose an important aspect of rhe relationship you had before.

But it doesn't really matter. Men and women can't be real friends anyway.

 

[Pin]

It's better to date someone you've known for a long time because safety is a lifelong joy. There is no trojan horse more dangerously deceptive than the perfect stranger.

 

[Littlelissa]

I don't know about dating your best friend, but I think ideally your lover / partner should also be your best friend too. Relationships that grow out of friendships get a good press.

 

[Fidicen]

I used to think that it's better to be friends at first (believing in some romantic ideals of which I had no experience). But then I got what I wanted. Didn't really work out, the reason being that in my most satisfying relationships the attraction has been pretty much immediate (mutually), and the whole package, the mental and spiritual and physical connection, the soulmate feeling, just fell into place with little effort. If something is missing it might be easy to be friends, but trying to be more intimate with a best friend it seems that there's a constant need to search for the missing piece, to fill the gap that prevented us from getting together earlier. There's a danger that starting to date your best friend one or both could be doing it simply out of loneliness and not because of true attraction.

Pros: being with someone who was a friend for a long time everything felt comfortable, with very few conflicts
Cons: it wasn't as passionate as other relationships, which caused us to take each other for granted. In a long relationship the passion may dwindle anyway, and some changes we just have to accept. But this is not a good starting point.

Maybe some people can make it work; I might be too much of the turbulent type. Besides, in a good relationship we've been best friends too, it's just that there was an additional spark or fire from the beginning that burnt away suspicion and past disappointments and made us all warm and giggly and energetic inside. If someone doesn't strike me like a lightning, through most of my protective layers, there's a good chance that we have some personality difference that will always make us a bit distant, no matter how good we can otherwise be as friends.

edit: I did love how cosy it felt, and thought that eventually, being together for decades, it's a good state to find. But somehow, at this point in my life, it doesn't seem to be enough.

 

[MrSquared]

Gale,

I feel like the pros are everything. Because it's your best friend.

But also the cons would be...in a sense, everything that you could possibly lose by confusing things.

*shrug*

I guess it really does all depend on any number of factors:

• Mutual willingness to risk
• Trust
• Honesty
• Openness
• Fear
• Experience
• Timing
• Lots of other stuff

 

[Sandie33]

I believe love should trump best friendship.
We do not ever really know another person. Compatibility in all areas should factor into the agreement. One will always have more expectations than the other.

TBH, I'd rather play roulette than date a friend.

 

[Lurk]

Odds are that you will experience heartbreak and loneliness, squared.

Added: This is like betting your entire savings on one umm, whatever. Diversify.

 

[Happy Phantom]

Con is if things go South, you loose an important aspect of rhe relationship you had before.

But it doesn't really matter. Men and women can't be real friends anyway.

I'm getting sick of agreeing with you, so can you please just stop. Thanx

 

[Happy Phantom]

Odds are that you will experience heartbreak and loneliness, squared.

Added: This is like betting your entire savings on one umm, whatever. Diversify.

lol Nice avatar.

 

[Happy Phantom]

lol Nice avatar.

As for dating your friend, or anyone for that matter, risks are involved, but is it better to have loved, than to not have loved at all? What's the worst thing that can happen? You're heart is shattered into a million pieces, you can't sleep, eat or do anything until you recover, OR you live happily ever after.

But, wtf do I know because still trying to understand what love actually is.

Anyone here are some nice lurve songs.

For those who've lost love.

 

[Lurk]

@Happy Phantom

My avatar captures my internal conflict in a forum-friendly image .

So, if I lose my SO I also lose my bff? Fuck. ensive:

 

[Happy Phantom]

@Happy Phantom

My avatar captures my internal conflict in a forum-friendly image .

So, if I lose my SO I also lose my bff? Fuck. ensive:

You just keep putting one foot in from of the other until the pain passes.

 

[Lurk]

You just keep putting one foot in from of the other until the pain passes.

I will not date someone whose company I enjoy again. That puts me in quite a pickle.

 

[Deleted member 10171]

I took the risk and ended up marrying my best friend! Admittedly we only knew each other for three months but it was an incredibly intense friendship that developed very quickly. It'll be nearly 19 years this year and he is and always will be my best friend.

I think pros and cons already covered by others so won't duplicate.

I have a good friend who I've known for years and would never consider dating him because he falls under the "brother" category.

I think if you've known your best friend for years then you've both had time to figure out if you "like" them more than as friend and also to check if you're compatible ie physical/emotional/intellectual and spiritually (in no particular order). If they tick the boxes then I would definitely take the plunge and risk it all.

 

[Lurk]

I took the risk and ended up marrying my best friend! Admittedly we only knew each other for three months but it was an incredibly intense friendship that developed very quickly. It'll be nearly 19 years this year and he is and always will be my best friend.

I think pros and cons already covered by others so won't duplicate.

I have a good friend who I've known for years and would never consider dating him because he falls under the "brother" category.

I think if you've known your best friend for years then you've both had time to figure out if you "like" them more than as friend and also to check if you're compatible ie physical/emotional/intellectual and spiritually (in no particular order). If they tick the boxes then I would definitely take the plunge and risk it all.

Congratulations! It's heartening to hear a success story.