parents?

soulseeker

soulseeker

Permanent Fixture
MBTI
INFJ
should parents be JUST MATERIALLY PROVIDING?

what if your parents are JUST THAT!??! AND THEY'RE NOT SUPPORTING, OR EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE.......or make you feel like trash.......

well i think i'm an unhealthy INFJ..... people don't make me feel like I don't belong.....they make me feel like shit..like trash..like crap.......if my parents don't care about me and talk to me like a piece of bullshit...... why would other people even make me feel good?......

I MEAN I DON'T GET IT AND I DON'T KNOW..... WHY PARENTS CAN BE SO....... I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.......THEY TREAT ME LIKE......SHIT..LIKE FULL OF SHIT...... I'D RATHER THEY KILL ME THAN MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THIS.........

i mean i get it.....other people want parents.. they want a mother and a father......but there are other people who have A PARENT(MOTEHR OR FATHER) even if their family isn't complete, that parent may be very very supportive and kind.....

BUT WITH ME.. I MAY HAVE A COMPLETE FAMILY.....BOTH PARENTS PRESENT......BUT THEN DESPITE THAT, IT'S LIKE I DON'T HAVE PARENTS AT ALL.....THEY PROVIDE ME WITH MATERIAL THINGS BUT THEN THEY DONT EVEN REALIZE THAT THAT'S NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A PARENT......... I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT......

they don't get that i have a lot of problems.... with friends...other people...depression.....insecurities......self-pity....and other things.......THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME.....MAKE ME FEEL BETTER......BUT THEY'RE NOT.....WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU EXPERIENCE THIS!??! WHEN THERE'S NO ONE YOU CAN TALK TO EVEN NO FRIENDS... NO ANYBODY!!!!! AND YOU EXPECT SOMEONE COULD AND SHOULD HELP YOU BUT THEY CAN'T!!!!!!!
 
if my mother was just materialy supporting id leve. id rather we were friends and there was no material
 
Only you can let others make you feel bad. Don't get caught up in the victim game. Maybe you could try to understand where your parents are coming from? Being a parent is harder than you think. Do you ever support them?
 
I have a similar background soulseeker. You can't choose your family, as they say. I think there is an upside though - if you choose it, you can learn to depend on yourself, rather than others, as a source of love and appreciation. That is a key to all sorts of wonderful things, but first you have to give up on the expectation that love and appreciation will come from a source outside of yourself, which I won't pretend to be easy, as society would have you believe it's impossible - afterall, it doesn't want you to know that you don't need others to thrive - because that might make you very powerful.
 
efromm said:
Only you can let others make you feel bad. Don't get caught up in the victim game. Maybe you could try to understand where your parents are coming from? Being a parent is harder than you think. Do you ever support them?
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i don't know..... i really don't know how to support them..... really..seriously.. i don't even think i'm capable of being a daughter... i don't know how i can be capable of being a good daughter when i don't understand them...(some of their actions)... i'm not capable of anything..... i'm not a good friend.... not a good anything..... i don't even think i deserve to be alive
 
Helpful Elf said:
I have a similar background soulseeker. You can't choose your family, as they say. I think there is an upside though - if you choose it, you can learn to depend on yourself, rather than others, as a source of love and appreciation. That is a key to all sorts of wonderful things, but first you have to give up on the expectation that love and appreciation will come from a source outside of yourself, which I won't pretend to be easy, as society would have you believe it's impossible - afterall, it doesn't want you to know that you don't need others to thrive - because that might make you very powerful.
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wow... that's some sort of a hidden message there:m107:
 
childhood stories, Disney, advertising, folk lore and what have you all idealize parents as loving, supportive, emotionally present pillars of strength. don't get me wrong, many are and for those who are fortunate enough to have parents who outwardly exhibit those ideals, it is wonderful.

i find parental love is always present, regardless of what they show or how suppressed or marred it may become under various negative circumstances over the course of life.

yes, some parents are neglectful and abusive, but i doubt they would consciously choose to become this way. of course, this does not exempt them from their actions nor does it give an excuse to pride themselves in their hurtful ways. i'm just saying, under most circumstances seeing that they suffer from no irrepairabe psychological issues, they will love you.

sometimes, we are born with parents who have conflicting temperament types with ours in regards to MBTI. sometimes, our living circumstances prevent them from showing their full affection and giving their time. often, they may not even understand what you need (more emotional connection?) and may feel as if they are providing enough (material well being?).

my parents are both sensor and thinking types in addition to being introverted themselves. open emotional affection is next to nonexistent, but as time passes i understand that their way of showing it is through their responsibilities for me (making sure i have a safe ride home at night, cleaning my room when i'm too busy to do so without me asking, etc.).

these may be somewhat impersonal to me, as if they were robotic guardians who give me my basic needs but no more, yet it looks totally different to them. they see in their actions, an unguarded expression of what a concrete love is.

it takes time and effort, but try to see things in the perspective of your parents rather than feeling the lack of love in looking for something they are not doing. in other words, contemplate what they are doing for you and try to understand it in their terms. maybe they are not even aware that more emotional connection is what you need from them.
 
First off... :hug:

I have a mother with who I can connect, but not my father. I just don't connect with him, and don't really like him for who he is.
I have tried bringing it up once, didn
 
:m075: i think yes.. i should try to understand THEIR way of showing love..
it's just that sometimes.. my father says things that are really hurtful (for me), i don't even know if he is aware of it.. i think it's natural for him, but i think he isn't being fair ... i think he's being inconsiderate because he says things for his own satisfaction and is not sensitive to the feelings of others... most of the times..i just don't know why i don't like him because he tends to hurt almost everyone..ESPECIALLY his family members..like my mom...I just don't get why some people can do these hurtful things to people who love them.......

and yeah i agree with helpful elf too......
 
soulseeker said:
:m075: i think yes.. i should try to understand THEIR way of showing love..
it's just that sometimes.. my father says things that are really hurtful (for me), i don't even know if he is aware of it.. i think it's natural for him, but i think he isn't being fair ... i think he's being inconsiderate because he says things for his own satisfaction and is not sensitive to the feelings of others... most of the times..i just don't know why i don't like him because he tends to hurt almost everyone..ESPECIALLY his family members..like my mom...I just don't get why some people can do these hurtful things to people who love them.......

and yeah i agree with helpful elf too......
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What type of hurtful things is he doing to you? I really want to know where your coming from before I say anything else.
 
soulseeker said:
:m075: i think yes.. i should try to understand THEIR way of showing love..
it's just that sometimes.. my father says things that are really hurtful (for me), i don't even know if he is aware of it.. i think it's natural for him, but i think he isn't being fair ... i think he's being inconsiderate because he says things for his own satisfaction and is not sensitive to the feelings of others... most of the times..i just don't know why i don't like him because he tends to hurt almost everyone..ESPECIALLY his family members..like my mom...I just don't get why some people can do these hurtful things to people who love them.......

and yeah i agree with helpful elf too......
Click to expand...

Maybe it is natural.My mother was raised by my old grumps and in the olden days, their way of encouraging their kids to do better was scolding them whether not they did well in something.I think they wanted their kids to strive for the better by using reverse psychology and so, maybe this trait has been passed down to your father if he was raised like that.I think your father must have regretted saying hurtful words.He probably say things like these in the heat of the moment.
 
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