Overly sweet

[La Sagna]

I am feeling kind of guilty because there is one particular lady who I know who is probably the sweetest most loving person you could meet, and she drives me crazy. She is so sweet that it's cloying. I appreciate people who are kind and loving, but she is just a hearts and butterflies kind of sweetness that only seems genuine in a nine year old. I believe she's in her thirties, married with a child...and she acts like a little girl. Everybody seems to think that she is the sweetest person you could meet, but I can't stand her for very long because she just makes me want to roll my eyes. I kind of feel like it's fake, but I don't think that she knows that it's fake. She sometimes will say things that seem to me like passive aggressiveness. I don't know if it's just me, but I prefer kind people who are real and not a care bear or little pony with rainbows and stars. I wanted to write this out here because I couldn't possibly say anything like this to anybody who knows her or I would look like a terrible person. I feel bad just writing this out...but can somebody genuinely be that sweet?

 

[cvp12gh5]

Care Bears. -.- I remember those little chubby bastards with their big, round, built-in doomsday devices. My dear mother decided to plaster their wonderful wallpapered faces on my bedroom walls when I was a child (not my choice). Just thinking about it makes me go into a very dark and unfriendly "care-bear stare". Hmm.

Anyway...yeah, she sounds like a serial killer to me. Or she's on drugs. Or both. O.O

As the saying goes: if something seems too good to be true; then it probably is.

(She's craaazy.)

But yeah.

 

[Matt3737]

It's because she seems either inhuman (incapable of experiencing negative emotions) or fake (hiding/repressing any negative emotions) that qualifies her for being insincere.

adjective: insincere
not expressing genuine feelings.
"she flashed him an insincere smile"

 

[Sriracha]

You aren't alone, I typically am annoyed by such people as well. If I don't feel someone is genuine with me, I don't bother. It might be an assumption on my part, but I'd like to say it's the overall energy/intensity I feel around people. I tend to be hypersensitive to the energy in others. I think the point is that your whole being is rejecting this person, listen and trust yourself ... you don't always have to know why.

 

[Eventhorizon]

One of my favorite series of books devels into the main character trying to figure out what this one person he knew was after. The person was always kind, helping people etc in a world where everyone was iut for themselves one way or another because they had to be. He was sure this person was messing with him looking for weakness etc...
This person died and because of the story line he got to see into her soul. When he did he saw that the person really was just that way with no alternative hidden motives.
I think you have probably encountered an alien. Better be nice.
Btw I thought your post was sweet.

 

[Elegant Winter]

I think so. I think someone can genuinely be that sweet. It's about deliberately pushing oneself into the positive zone and I think some forcefully shove themselves into it. And then refuse to leave.

Oh, I think when someone deliberately does something like this it's genuine. Maybe even more genuine than normal. She wants to be positive and so she makes herself positive. I think that's genuine.

 

[La Sagna]

Thanks for you answers.

I've given it some more thought as to what is bugging me about her. I think it's not her sweetness but her attention-seeking and passive-aggressiveness.

Now that I think of it I used to see her on a fairly regular basis and I always liked her but now I don't see her much but see lots of postings from her on Facebook.

It's her Facebook posts that bug me. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically her posts are of two kinds, lots of them saying 'look at me, look how sweet I am, look at the nice things that I do, look I bought myself flowers because I'm such a great person, look how great these people think I am, look how sweet my kid is, look how sweet my husband is, look I am so wise..."lots of sweet self-congratulatory messages, followed by tons of messages of everybody telling her how great she is. The other messages are along the lines of calling out people in a very sweet way for how mistaken they are and how they hurt her and how inconsiderate they are and poor her people don't realize that she is so sweet and wise so they disagree with her. This is the part that bothers me, if you are really kind and considerate you don't call people out in public, even if you are right and no matter how sweet you try to make it sound.

I probably sound petty now but I do feel that she comes off as kind of fake. I am very happy for her if everything is as sweet as she makes it seem, but I somehow doubt that it is or she wouldn't need to say it so much, and I wouldn't want to get on her bad side or she might sweetly call me out in public.

 

[Matt3737]

I think there is a difference between experiencing a negative event/emotion and reacting positively and repressing negativity.

If someone makes you angry, you can either accept that and deal with it negatively (disruption; argument; act out) or positively (forgive the transgression; talk it out in a constructive manner or with a neutral third party) or you can attempt to repress it. To say that it is possible to always be positive is close to saying that negative emotions are an abnormality that can be excised from the body. They cannot, but they can be dealt with appropriately.

We have emotional reactions based on previous emotional reactions and/or external stimuli. So we tend to define 'positive' (joy, hope, love, fun) and 'negative' emotions such as fear, anger, sorrow in a recursive manner: Anger building into explosive rage. Sadness spiraling into depression. The exuberance of joy.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

This also can lead to what we call 'mixed emotions' when one feeling elicits another more categorically different such as feelings of 'bitter sweetness'.

 

[muir]

Thanks for you answers.

I've given it some more thought as to what is bugging me about her. I think it's not her sweetness but her attention-seeking and passive-aggressiveness.

Now that I think of it I used to see her on a fairly regular basis and I always liked her but now I don't see her much but see lots of postings from her on Facebook.

It's her Facebook posts that bug me. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically her posts are of two kinds, lots of them saying 'look at me, look how sweet I am, look at the nice things that I do, look I bought myself flowers because I'm such a great person, look how great these people think I am, look how sweet my kid is, look how sweet my husband is, look I am so wise..."lots of sweet self-congratulatory messages, followed by tons of messages of everybody telling her how great she is. The other messages are along the lines of calling out people in a very sweet way for how mistaken they are and how they hurt her and how inconsiderate they are and poor her people don't realize that she is so sweet and wise so they disagree with her. This is the part that bothers me, if you are really kind and considerate you don't call people out in public, even if you are right and no matter how sweet you try to make it sound.

I probably sound petty now but I do feel that she comes off as kind of fake. I am very happy for her if everything is as sweet as she makes it seem, but I somehow doubt that it is or she wouldn't need to say it so much, and I wouldn't want to get on her bad side or she might sweetly call me out in public.

Yeah watch out with that one because you can be sure that you would be painted as the villain and her the innocent victim

If your instinct is warning you off then i'd listen to it

 

[Eventhorizon]

I cant change most people that annoy me. That they annoy me probably isnt their fault but I tend to avoid those who annoy me. For some reason I find myself alone a great deal of the time...

 

[Sriracha]

Thanks for you answers.

I've given it some more thought as to what is bugging me about her. I think it's not her sweetness but her attention-seeking and passive-aggressiveness.

Now that I think of it I used to see her on a fairly regular basis and I always liked her but now I don't see her much but see lots of postings from her on Facebook.

It's her Facebook posts that bug me. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically her posts are of two kinds, lots of them saying 'look at me, look how sweet I am, look at the nice things that I do, look I bought myself flowers because I'm such a great person, look how great these people think I am, look how sweet my kid is, look how sweet my husband is, look I am so wise..."lots of sweet self-congratulatory messages, followed by tons of messages of everybody telling her how great she is. The other messages are along the lines of calling out people in a very sweet way for how mistaken they are and how they hurt her and how inconsiderate they are and poor her people don't realize that she is so sweet and wise so they disagree with her. This is the part that bothers me, if you are really kind and considerate you don't call people out in public, even if you are right and no matter how sweet you try to make it sound.

I probably sound petty now but I do feel that she comes off as kind of fake. I am very happy for her if everything is as sweet as she makes it seem, but I somehow doubt that it is or she wouldn't need to say it so much, and I wouldn't want to get on her bad side or she might sweetly call me out in public.

Seeking constant validation from others serves to settle her lack of confidence in herself.

 

[infinium]

Thanks for you answers.

I've given it some more thought as to what is bugging me about her. I think it's not her sweetness but her attention-seeking and passive-aggressiveness.

Now that I think of it I used to see her on a fairly regular basis and I always liked her but now I don't see her much but see lots of postings from her on Facebook.

It's her Facebook posts that bug me. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically her posts are of two kinds, lots of them saying 'look at me, look how sweet I am, look at the nice things that I do, look I bought myself flowers because I'm such a great person, look how great these people think I am, look how sweet my kid is, look how sweet my husband is, look I am so wise..."lots of sweet self-congratulatory messages, followed by tons of messages of everybody telling her how great she is. The other messages are along the lines of calling out people in a very sweet way for how mistaken they are and how they hurt her and how inconsiderate they are and poor her people don't realize that she is so sweet and wise so they disagree with her. This is the part that bothers me, if you are really kind and considerate you don't call people out in public, even if you are right and no matter how sweet you try to make it sound.

I probably sound petty now but I do feel that she comes off as kind of fake. I am very happy for her if everything is as sweet as she makes it seem, but I somehow doubt that it is or she wouldn't need to say it so much, and I wouldn't want to get on her bad side or she might sweetly call me out in public.

She strikes me like an unhealthy ESFJ. If she has an ulterior agenda, other intentions, or doing these things on purpose, she's faking herself. However, I think she's not fake, this is just how she operates herself on daily basis, this is who she is, no matter how unpleasant it might come off as..

 

[LoobyLoo1981]

It's her Facebook posts that bug me. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically her posts are of two kinds, lots of them saying 'look at me, look how sweet I am, look at the nice things that I do, look I bought myself flowers because I'm such a great person, look how great these people think I am, look how sweet my kid is, look how sweet my husband is, look I am so wise..."lots of sweet self-congratulatory messages, followed by tons of messages of everybody telling her how great she is.

This could be my little sister's best friend, who I saw grow up from the age of around ten. They are now in their mid-twenties, both with children and husbands etc. While my sister is quietly happy in her life, her friend is absurdly happy in hers... on the surface anyway. She is so 'sweet' in public and her social media depicts this perfect little world just as you have described. On her birthday she made a very big deal about getting 80 people who wished her happy returns on Facebook but then got publicly angry at the 76 of those 80 who did not send a card or a present or did not show up for her birthday drinks.

It's turned out recently that she's severely depressed and suffering greatly, unhappy in her relationship and the baby that she had so badly wanted was not what she thought it would be. All of it was a way of control and in the end she broke down. She needed those people to tell her that she was great because she didn't believe it herself. I must admit that I turned off her posts but my sister is the beautifully patient one and she puts up with it all without any complaint.

I kind of like the thought that there are some people out there who are really and truly that happy, but I don't know if I believe it. I agree with other posters, listen to your gut instinct but tread with compassion too if she is a friend. She might need you more than you realise.

 

[Dohavior]

You should read up on reverse victimization and "the nice game". But if you wish to contribute solutions, I posted a thread somewhere on the forums devoted to decoding their tactics and language from what I dubbed the book of evil, here is an excerpt: http://www.naturalawareness.net/sevenlanguages.pdf

Take a good hard look at the composition of the word "cowardice" Notice the co- prefix, ward, and ice suffix almost like the original Latin vice. It refers to one whom exhibits defensiveness when cooperating and thereby shields themself from failure, a narcissist.

People like that enrage me to no end, to see an OCD little shit full of pedantry. Tell me has she stroked out and developed the slurred inflection yet like a proper sniveling villain? How many punches in the face do you think her nose has sustained thus far from sticking it where it doesn't belong?

They will tend to off them self if given the chance to maximize pity from those around them. They won't acknowledge any of their vices. Never protecting them self or lifting with their legs. You can see it in their daft sense of posture as they walk about. When you approach this person do you feel their lack of awareness as if they are void. Everything with them is paranoid like some kind of blind faith, trust-test martyrdom.

If you want to blow off some steam I have been watching this tv series: http://www.history.com/shows/vikings and seeing the ideals that rose up around this mythological Loki character is rather heart warming as some might say. Plus it has a lot of violence that I find very therapeutic and surreal.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Happiness is an odd thing. I find I never know how happy I really was until time has passed and I wish I could go back and experience certain events in my life. Its like I am only truly happy in my memories. Kind of an odd thing that.

 

[La Sagna]

She strikes me like an unhealthy ESFJ. If she has an ulterior agenda, other intentions, or doing these things on purpose, she's faking herself. However, I think she's not fake, this is just how she operates herself on daily basis, this is who she is, no matter how unpleasant it might come off as..

I have a friend who's an unhealthy ESFJ so I understand what you mean. I'm quite sure she's an introvert. She's very soft soft spoken and has the energy of an introvert. I don't think she's deliberately fake but there's just some hint of needing too much validation from others for her to be quite as she seems.

 

[La Sagna]

This could be my little sister's best friend, who I saw grow up from the age of around ten. They are now in their mid-twenties, both with children and husbands etc. While my sister is quietly happy in her life, her friend is absurdly happy in hers... on the surface anyway. She is so 'sweet' in public and her social media depicts this perfect little world just as you have described. On her birthday she made a very big deal about getting 80 people who wished her happy returns on Facebook but then got publicly angry at the 76 of those 80 who did not send a card or a present or did not show up for her birthday drinks.

It's turned out recently that she's severely depressed and suffering greatly, unhappy in her relationship and the baby that she had so badly wanted was not what she thought it would be. All of it was a way of control and in the end she broke down. She needed those people to tell her that she was great because she didn't believe it herself. I must admit that I turned off her posts but my sister is the beautifully patient one and she puts up with it all without any complaint.

I kind of like the thought that there are some people out there who are really and truly that happy, but I don't know if I believe it. I agree with other posters, listen to your gut instinct but tread with compassion too if she is a friend. She might need you more than you realise.

I know of several things that happened in her life that were very difficult for her so she has had some very good reasons to be unhappy. She seems to me like she is trying too hard to be very positive and above life's difficulties and that's where I can't relate. I am a very positive person myself but I feel like I am more realistic and accepting of all the aspects of life. She has lots of friends and people around her so she doesn't need me. I don't think she lacks support at all, unless it's just a social media illusion, maybe they're only there in empty words...

 

[La Sagna]

Happiness is an odd thing. I find I never know how happy I really was until time has passed and I wish I could go back and experience certain events in my life. Its like I am only truly happy in my memories. Kind of an odd thing that.

Lots of people are like that. The key is learning how to be happy in the present.

 

[La Sagna]

You should read up on reverse victimization and "the nice game". But if you wish to contribute solutions, I posted a thread somewhere on the forums devoted to decoding their tactics and language from what I dubbed the book of evil, here is an excerpt: http://www.naturalawareness.net/sevenlanguages.pdf

Take a good hard look at the composition of the word "cowardice" Notice the co- prefix, ward, and ice suffix almost like the original Latin vice. It refers to one whom exhibits defensiveness when cooperating and thereby shields themself from failure, a narcissist.

People like that enrage me to no end, to see an OCD little shit full of pedantry. Tell me has she stroked out and developed the slurred inflection yet like a proper sniveling villain? How many punches in the face do you think her nose has sustained thus far from sticking it where it doesn't belong?

They will tend to off them self if given the chance to maximize pity from those around them. They won't acknowledge any of their vices. Never protecting them self or lifting with their legs. You can see it in their daft sense of posture as they walk about. When you approach this person do you feel their lack of awareness as if they are void. Everything with them is paranoid like some kind of blind faith, trust-test martyrdom.

If you want to blow off some steam I have been watching this tv series: http://www.history.com/shows/vikings and seeing the ideals that rose up around this mythological Loki character is rather heart warming as some might say. Plus it has a lot of violence that I find very therapeutic and surreal.

Thanks for sharing this information. That link on the seven languages is very interesting. I'll have to study that more.

 

[Dohavior]

Thanks for sharing this information. That link on the seven languages is very interesting. I'll have to study that more.

If you read up on ancient notions of morality and logic, such as the seven deadly sins and Aristotelian logic then you can clearly see the absurdity of that book. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square_of_opposition

A proper education now days is not quite up to par with even medieval standards: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trivium

This new age predicative logic and positivism are useless in any social context compared to the empiricism and cold hard facts of yester year. A man should not be afraid to speak up in the presence of some nay saying imbecile.