lulz I know. There is no problem whatsoever. I just mean that certain types or functions are a minority on this forum, and since it is a forum meant for INFJs it's kind of a given that this place will be a safe haven for them to have their own attributes celebrated. Because outside of this forum the INFJs are the minority type. Anyway carry on. Working to open up the minds of the people in this community a little more is always a good thing regardless.
Overemphasis of Fe vs Fi: pros and cons
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
lulz I know. There is no problem whatsoever. I just mean that certain types or functions are a minority on this forum, and since it is a forum meant for INFJs it's kind of a given that this place will be a safe haven for them to have their own attributes celebrated. Because outside of this forum the INFJs are the minority type. Anyway carry on. Working to open up the minds of the people in this community a little more is always a good thing regardless.
I am dealing with a bit of that right now with a new friend. It's hard knowing you're not really being listened to all the time and they're really just kind of trying to fill the space with noise. It can get upsetting however right now I'm fine with it, I have an idea of whats going on and how to deal with it. Where it goes from here, well, we probably wont be friends next year lol just being realistic *shrug*
Sometimes I view Fe more as empathy, and Fi more as compassion. Fe and empathy in the sense "Hey, I feel you, let's talk...you aren't alone..." and Fi compassion sort of like "I recognize your struggles because it happened to me, now I will help."
It can be hard to pinpoint what Fi or Fe is like, because undoubtedly the use of these functions will be heavily influenced and shaped by the other cognitive functions in the stack. Dominant Fi and Fe is very different to secondary, tertiary, or inferior use. Infps , enfps, intjs, and entjs are obviously quite different and use Fi in different ways. Infps and isfps, enfj and esfj are different, and use their dominant function differently. Infjs are more similar to intjs than enfjs or isfjs. And it is shaped and transformed by factors such as culture, background, idiosyncratic personality, environment, personal choices etc
Ive been thinking about Fi a lot lately. I see Fi as a very spiritual and self aware function. As I have become more invested in developing my spirituality, I find that I am trying to cultivate and use Fi. To be honest, sometimes i find this very difficult, painful, boring, confusing. Fi and Si are the two functions that I find the most difficult to understand and that im most intrigued by. I find it hard to pay attention to my body and how it is feeling, and attention to the nuances of my emotional experience. I find it hard to know and understand why I like or dislike something. Or even what my values really are. The more I try to think about these thing, the more fickle and confusing and changeable I feel. Inside in that 'space' of values and likes...it is a like a fluid pool of paradoxes. I can say one thing and then say the absolute opposite and accept that they are both true and both false. Everything seems, to a large extent...completely relative and contextual. Yes there are absolute truths in there, but I have no feelings about those, they have either come as the form of absolute truths derived through intuition, or they have been shredded and analysed and tested until they have been 'confirmed' as true. I dont feel that they are necessarily 'my' (although I try really hard to frame them that way to be less abrasive) truths...they just are. I don't even know if I have a 'personality', certainly whatever it is, it doesn't seem to stable or consistent. I realise that if I really think about it, my feelings about a lot of things are neutral and almost entirely dependant on the perceived practicality of effectiveness of something. In some ways, it is very utilitarian. At other times, I feel more or less empty like a blank sponge...that absorbs everything else, everyone else's emotions and thoughts, but seems to not be able to find that part within everything collected in that sponge that is only 'me'. I dont even know if there is an only 'me'. Its like a chameleon or a shape shifting amoeba or just a blob of goo that evaporates and loses itself in the environment and collects others bits of goo...lol anyway. Maybe this is why I like to be alone so much, its the only time I really get to be me, whatever that means.
Anyway, back to the topic...I think the best way to see and understand Fi and Fe is to observe it in individuals that use it as their dominant function- ESFJ, ENFJ, INFP, ISFP.
My mum was a Fe dom- ESFJ, and my dad was a Fi dom- INFP. Growing up with a Fe and Fi dom felt always warm and safe. And although I always understood and related to my mum better, I felt more comfortable with my dad. My sister is an INFP and my daughters second mum is ISFP- i currently live with both of them. I also have 2 other INFP friends, and a couple of ESFJ and ENFJ acquaintances and colleagues. I base my understanding of Fe and Fi from the people that I have interacted closely with that use these functions.
In terms of my parents, there are some obvious differences in their parenting style, but these differences aren't obviously exclusively to do with Fe versus Fi.
My mum did catering and nursing. My dad is a computer programmer and a pastor.
My mum was always this extreme in your face presence, very warm and very physical. Very much invested in me, and the success of my life according to what she wanted for me. She always did want the best for me, but the best was what she wanted, not what I wanted. She was very abrasive, very involved, always had her opinion about me, constantly manipulated me and tried to control my life. Lot of guilt trips and blaming me for the way she felt. Also very loving and accepting in a way I find hard to explain. Exuded love and care. The most caring person I can imagine. Very social. Gossipy. Told me to talk more, be louder, be more polite, more appropriate. Cared a lot about what people thought of me, and how they perceived her. Did things because she felt pressured to by others. Hated they way I argued with her because it was 'disrespectful'. Would break down in tears if I pushed my point too hard or used cold logic. Threw confusing and irrational logic at me in an argument. Was always very there and present. Obtrusive but consistent. Nagging and whinging. But often didn't really listen to me, only heard what she wanted. Always wanted to make things harmonious. Got angry at dissenting opinions and feelings. Would talk her way though anything and force her opinions. Was nicer to me when there were people around. Always aware/looked out for me regardless of who was around. She gave a lot of good and practical advice. Excellent and tireless I can do anything work ethic. Was the best cook in the world and asked us everyday what we wanted to eat and then cooked it for us. Constantly cleaned and made me clean. Was organised to a point of constant discomfort. I did a lot of things just to stop her constant nagging. She hit me a lot, sometimes clearly to the point of beating/bashing/strangling. She never got sick, thought getting sick herself was stupid. But she was the best person to look after you when you were sick, so extremely caring and helpful. Was very affectionate with words and touch, always hugged me and held my hand, stroked my hair. Let us sleep in her bed whenever we wanted. I still went to cuddle her in bed even when I was as old as 19 when she died.
My dad was more calm, comforting. Always stable, but unobtrusive, and sometimes distant. Bought us whatever we wanted, even if we couldnt afford it. Would try to cheer us up if we were sad. Let us do things that mum didnt. Didnt really get involved in my life. Doesnt ask a lot of questions. Forgets a lot of my answers. Accepted most of my decisions. Very hard working and committed. Achieved any goals he set for himself. Helped me with homework, bought me books and technology and taught me whatever I wanted. Self contained. Respected me. Had clear morals and visions and didnt care what anyone thought about them. Always did what he thought was best. Didnt make me do anything I didn't want to. Very rarely used guilt. Either smiled or looked sad. Childlike. Beautifully innocent and strong. Gives people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes easily manipulated. Has poor logic but believes in critical thinking. Orgainised but in a way that confuses me. Will debate with me for a while and then shut down. Gets animated and forceful, pushes his point, but stop when he wants to. Will be sad and quiet because I have hurt him by not agreeing with him. But will get over it and want things to be nice again. Wants me to be nice, oh why can you just be nice charlene. Doesnt care if I tell him the truth or lies, as long as things are nice. Ive done a lot of things because I literally cant stand seeing him look sad or disappointed. I hate disappointing him. He is tireless. Would do anything I asked him to, simply because of his Love. Will do something to help you and ask questions later. Constantly achieves the impossible. Has many niggling health complaints. Talks a lot about his digestive system. Makes a lot of jokes, sometimes inappropriate and silly. Can hold his own among any group. Doesnt care about what other people believe or say, or what their norms are. Will not let anyone goad him to anger. Will charm his way to befriend anyone. Puts people at ease. Doesn't really listen to people. Easily distracted. Always reliable.
Here are some of the things I've noticed....im not saying that these things are true...just what i have noticed, being biased by my own perception of course
Fi and Fe dom are similar and different in many ways, but an obvious difference is that Fe doms are clearly extroverted and Fi doms are clearly introverted. Both Fi and Fe are judging functions, one judges externally, the other internally.
Fe speaks in a direct and clear manner.
can make questions sound like statements
can make requests sound like orders or directives
cares about being polite or right or appropriate in social situations
is naturally warm and effusive
understands cultural structures instinctively
is hyper aware of others, dynamics, and relationships
will normally know what is going on without being told
practicality telepathic and psychic (which was very fucking annoying as a teenager)
can be intolerant of other peoples emotions and issues
tells you what you should feel
tells you your feelings are inappropriate
tells you to get over it
can get over things quickly
cares a lot and will go to great lengths to help you and maintain harmony.
can breakdown if they have to deal with too much emotion from others
can be hyper aware and intrusive about peoples emotions and issues
can be very judgemental
can be cold and cruel
can go from hot to cold
want to be perfect
want other people to be perfect
despises/resents weakness
can be self hating
can have high pain tolerance
not tolerate a lot of shit
cut people down
judge and make lasting impressions about people from very little information
social
gushy
histrionic
hysterical
crazy eyes
knows how to let their hair down
can be very tolerant and understanding
will naturally be compelled to care for others
care for others in a very direct and practical way
will tailor their advice to suit the individual
very good at understanding people are not the same
have different criteria for dealing with different people and situations
are great story tellers, actors, and speakers
play roles and have personas
care about they are perceived
control and shape others perception of them
can be sensitive to how others see them
can be very aware of hierarchy
can seek to befriend first who they see as most 'influential'
care about who's influential and who's not
respect authority
can be insensitive to others and very blunt
can be self sacrificing, sometimes without awareness
can be very manipulative, sometimes without awareness
use guilt, obligation, and social pressure to make people do things
feel the weight of guilt, obligation, and social pressure
whinge and nag
bitch and gossip
playful and teasing
comforting
excellent at budgeting
economical
tasteful
creates aesthetic and welcoming home and environment
welcoming
cleans up for guests
share anything and everything
not be private or possessive about spaces and things
expect other people to feel at home
excellent hospitality
play excellent host
wants everyone to be comfortable
laughs a lot very loudly
cheers and calls out
imperative to have fe doms in an audience to create a good vibe for a show
take a lot of pleasure in other peoples pleasure
feed of people
are not necessarily aware of themselves, their emotions and personal values
are not necessarily in touch with their body
are normally robust and seldom get sick
can be hypochondriac to get attention
Blame other people for their problems
Expect other people to look after them and reciprocate their attentions
Get angry and hateful if ignored
Will punish people
dont necessarily like talking about themselves
will purposefully divert attention from themselves by focusing on others when uncomfortable
will somehow naturally be the centre of attention
very good at putting people at ease
make people feel accepted
make people feel scrutinised
naturally organised
can feel threatened by logic
take things personally
can be extremely irrational
has emotional outbursts
looks down on emotional outbursts from others
seeks to control emotions and only wants to display positive ones
uses their emotional expression to influence people
can find it hard to hide their emotion
will skitz out/carry on like a pork chop in public if they lose their emotional control
will look down on others if they argue in public or act otherwise inappropriately
will dress very differently for home and for public, for close friends and new friends
dramatic and like to dramatise and exaggerate
can be very conservative and traditional
invested in cultural institutions, holidays, public celebrations
volunteer to help
help without being asked
assume they know others intentions
are equally concerned about and interested in everyone in their circle
will prioritise their family and sometimes community over their partner
nosey
need to feel needed
more likely to trust established information
open to suggestion and influence but harder to manipulate
prone to haggle and negotiate
very aware of their 'social position'
can be malicious and attempt...sometimes succeed in ruining/destroying someone
can see people as tools or pawns
effective with strategy and tactics
abandon a strategy because they had a change of heart
love people, like people, like to be around people
make emotional appeals
can be martyrs
buy presents for other people
very appreciative of gifts
dont normally buy things for themselves
leave you feeling tired and drained
very good listeners
may give you undivided attention
can withhold judgement
may give you divided attention
contradict themselves
play weird psychological games that only they understand
forgive everything in an instant based on a moment of empathy
can appear fake, superficial or contrived
controlling
paranoid
can enjoy debating
like to convince people
very physically warm and affectionate
will look competent and in control even when not
has a can do attitude
excellent at motivating people
excellent at bossing people
can make people do things they dont want to do
great at working with others
can manage people well
can maintain a good and productive work dynamic
will need to retreat completely if they become overwrought emotionally
very persuasive
compelling
energising
can be strict and harsh
empathise by feeling what the person is feeling
will buy one for everyone, or none at all
less selective with people
loyal
give you a headache
will clean your house for you
do errands for you without being asked
say things and then deny that they were said a moment later
very endearing
Fi speaks in a subtle and questioning manner.
can make statements sound like questions
can make directives sound like suggestions or queries
cares more about being nice or good in social situations
can be warm, in a cool way
can appear fake and contrived when being nice
comfortable to be around
can put people at ease
has a 'self-contained' quality
can be gentle
can be artistic and very creative
unique
unique sense of style
creates decorative and interesting environments
puts a lot of effort and personality in their spaces
does not necessarily clean up for guests
likes to welcome people but may be aloof or over the top
can be unwelcoming or simply neutral
can be private about their home
can be private and possessive about possessions
may not want to share
can be extremely sharing
can play host and be hospitable
likes to please people
likes to be seen as nice
thinks a lot about how they are perceived
does not necessarily care about how they are perceived
knows how to manipulate perception
knows that manipulating perception is not 'nice'
upset when internal personal perception doesn't match external perception
concerned about authenticity and congruence
compliments people
sucks up to people
sparkly or doe eyes
something 'soft' and nice about them
can be hysterical but normally collected
cool as a cucumber
anxious and worrying chronically at times
knows how to relax
cant relax
will let people feed of them
will disappear when they cant be fed off anymore
in touch with themselves
aware of their body, thoughts, emotions, values etc
concerned about what they like and dont like
avoid conflict
sometimes create conflict by trying to avoid it
sometimes create conflict to 'have it out'
are more accepting and tolerant to others emotions and outbursts
very good at walking someone through their emotions
can be tolerant, accepting, and non judgemental
can be judgemental
cares about the underdog
look out and help people that are neglected by the crowd
befriend people that seem sad or lonely
want to make people feel better
take things personally
very sensitive in a way that can seem extreme
can pussy foot around other people
hates hurting others
takes pleasure in hurting others
passive aggressive
can lash out
can be self hating
can be extraordinary insensitive to other people
not necessarily know that you've had a bad day
baby you if they think something is wrong
be over the top if they know you are sad or in pain
extremely nurturing when they are tuned in
speak and behave in a defensive way
act defensively even if the conversation is neutral.
Makes a lot of jokes that are light hearted
will feel justified to spew out rage and hurtfulness if their feel attacked
can be rude
whine and complain
seem to have many body ailments
talk about their body aliments with others
only talk about their personal problems with close friends
try to appease people
dont necessarily care what people think
have their own individual style and fashion
get annoyed with generalisations
hate/dislike generalisations
sometimes refuse to accept obvious patterns
can jump from point to point
resent having to explain themselves
enjoy explaining their views
are willing to consider others points
are willing to take advice but only if it suits them- very discriminating
careful
thoughtful
can be extremely considerate
cares a lot about their loved ones
aplogises a lot
can make you feel like you are the most important person in the world
genuinely appreciate people and their idiosyncracies
accept and honour individuality
can be very moral and have more absolutes than relatives
can be self righteous
can be hypocritical and unaware of this
sensitive to criticism
extremely idealistic
very effective at manifesting what they want
can be very organised and take pains to do this
can be self sacrificing, sometimes without awareness
will go to extraordinary lengths to help someone
have firm convictions
don't feel they need to share their convictions
like to discuss but dont like to debate
can get very bitchy and personal in a debate
will attack your character
will think/make you feel you are 'bad' person.
can be hypocritical and not know
can be excellent listeners
can be easily distracted
sometimes are oblivious to the obvious
can be unaware of people and their feelings
can be completely tuned into another person and their feelings
can be irrational and illogical
have convoluted logic that works very well for them
not good at explaining themselves
good at teaching people things
very patient
amazingly resilient
will not give up if something matters
will use outside dissent as fuel and motivation to strengthen their conviction
hates being misunderstood
thinks that disagreement is synonymous with misunderstanding
can agree to disagree with great equanimity
can have great equanimity
doesn't like to force people
forces people in a covert way
can be remarkably honest
can be very good at taking criticism if delivered properly
can take more of a battering emotionally than any other type in know
put up with a lot of shit for the sake of love and relationships
give a hundred second chances
forgive all if given a sincere apology
wants desperately to be understood
wants to be appreciated
make appeals to emotions
make appeals to justice
very concerned about justice and fairness
can be unconcerned with cultural institutions, public celebrations and traditions
like to buy themselves gifts
like to buy others gifts
don't always like it when people buy them gifts
appreciate effort
sometimes don't notice effort
appreciates the thought
like what they like dont like what they dont like
can be very particular
know how to take care of themselves
will do something for themselves rather than expecting someone else to
has fewer expectations for other people
has exacting expectations for their partner
will coddle and baby people rather than help them constructively
need to feel needed
will not necessarily consider what is best for everyone when making a decision
respect authority only when it makes sense
will do their own thing
can be selfish
less likely to feel obligated
can have a strong sense of duty and goodness
will try to be a good person
take themselves very seriously
take commitments seriously
can be very relaxed
will clean up when they want to
will clean up to be nice
very loyal
playful and teasing
dedicated to their partner and loved ones
likely prioritise partner over family and community
devote much energy into another
get sad or angry when energy is not returned
idealise and gloss over others flaws
let people drain them completely
concentrate on what is moral, good, and just
focus only on one part of something
understand instinctively 'be the change you wish to see' and the 'man in the mirror'
know how to get what they want
invested in self growth and will change when necessary
can be extraordinary stubborn and resistant to change
susceptible to manipulation
wary of manipulation
can be manipulative
can use people as pawns
can use people
can be very wary of not manipulating people
has a certain something that can compel others to want to look after them
is normally very competent but can appear helpless regardless
can be incredibly responsive and effective in a conflict situation
can mobilise very quickly if necessary
do not like to argue
dont normally argue in public
dont judge other people for the way they act in public
can create scenes— go off- if they are angry and will feel justified doing this
will accept and befriend people even if they have different values and beliefs
appreciate people for who they are
try to change people
empathise by imagining how they would feel in that situation
give you a head ache
make you feel you are walking on eggshells trying not to shit them
make you feel completely rejuvenated
Functions dont really have pros and cons. They just are what they are. Any function can be used in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. No function is better than any other, together they help us see a more comprehensive and whole perspective, and a richer experience with the inner and outer worlds.
Fi and Fe can both be beautiful and scary. It can be lovely and very draining to be around F doms.
Personally I think the fi and fe of infj, enfp, estp, entp, istj and intj can be scarier and more 'evil' than enfjs and infps. Fe and fi manifest differently in the types. Dom Fi is not the same as secondary, tertiary or inferior, and can even look different. For example enfj is fe dom, and enfp is secondary fi, but both these types are extroverted and 'friendly' and like being around people, in a ways that infj and infp, however warm and 'friendly' arent..
I have several infps and 2 isfps that im close to. I like Fe doms, but find it hard and demanding to be close to them.
Looking at famous Fi doms and Fe doms, we can see that they are different, but equally influential and powerful.
Fi doms- Ghandi, Audrey Hepburn, Michael Jackson, Tolkein, JK Rowling, William Blake, C S Lewis, Carl Rogers, David Bowie, Kurt Cobain, Jacqueline Kennedy, Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Mcartney, Princess Diana, Eminem, Marilyn Monroe, Marie Antoinette, maybe Trent Reznor?
Fe dom- Nelson Mandella, Oprah, Martin Luther King Jr, Michael Moore, Nigella, Sarah Palin, my favourite celebrity and most admired people- Jenny Brockie, maybe Elton John?
Ive been thinking about Fi a lot lately. I see Fi as a very spiritual and self aware function. As I have become more invested in developing my spirituality, I find that I am trying to cultivate and use Fi. To be honest, sometimes i find this very difficult, painful, boring, confusing. Fi and Si are the two functions that I find the most difficult to understand and that im most intrigued by. I find it hard to pay attention to my body and how it is feeling, and attention to the nuances of my emotional experience. I find it hard to know and understand why I like or dislike something. Or even what my values really are. The more I try to think about these thing, the more fickle and confusing and changeable I feel. Inside in that 'space' of values and likes...it is a like a fluid pool of paradoxes. I can say one thing and then say the absolute opposite and accept that they are both true and both false. Everything seems, to a large extent...completely relative and contextual. Yes there are absolute truths in there, but I have no feelings about those, they have either come as the form of absolute truths derived through intuition, or they have been shredded and analysed and tested until they have been 'confirmed' as true. I dont feel that they are necessarily 'my' (although I try really hard to frame them that way to be less abrasive) truths...they just are. I don't even know if I have a 'personality', certainly whatever it is, it doesn't seem to stable or consistent. I realise that if I really think about it, my feelings about a lot of things are neutral and almost entirely dependant on the perceived practicality of effectiveness of something. In some ways, it is very utilitarian. At other times, I feel more or less empty like a blank sponge...that absorbs everything else, everyone else's emotions and thoughts, but seems to not be able to find that part within everything collected in that sponge that is only 'me'. I dont even know if there is an only 'me'. Its like a chameleon or a shape shifting amoeba or just a blob of goo that evaporates and loses itself in the environment and collects others bits of goo...lol anyway. Maybe this is why I like to be alone so much, its the only time I really get to be me, whatever that means.
Anyway, back to the topic...I think the best way to see and understand Fi and Fe is to observe it in individuals that use it as their dominant function- ESFJ, ENFJ, INFP, ISFP.
My mum was a Fe dom- ESFJ, and my dad was a Fi dom- INFP. Growing up with a Fe and Fi dom felt always warm and safe. And although I always understood and related to my mum better, I felt more comfortable with my dad. My sister is an INFP and my daughters second mum is ISFP- i currently live with both of them. I also have 2 other INFP friends, and a couple of ESFJ and ENFJ acquaintances and colleagues. I base my understanding of Fe and Fi from the people that I have interacted closely with that use these functions.
In terms of my parents, there are some obvious differences in their parenting style, but these differences aren't obviously exclusively to do with Fe versus Fi.
My mum did catering and nursing. My dad is a computer programmer and a pastor.
My mum was always this extreme in your face presence, very warm and very physical. Very much invested in me, and the success of my life according to what she wanted for me. She always did want the best for me, but the best was what she wanted, not what I wanted. She was very abrasive, very involved, always had her opinion about me, constantly manipulated me and tried to control my life. Lot of guilt trips and blaming me for the way she felt. Also very loving and accepting in a way I find hard to explain. Exuded love and care. The most caring person I can imagine. Very social. Gossipy. Told me to talk more, be louder, be more polite, more appropriate. Cared a lot about what people thought of me, and how they perceived her. Did things because she felt pressured to by others. Hated they way I argued with her because it was 'disrespectful'. Would break down in tears if I pushed my point too hard or used cold logic. Threw confusing and irrational logic at me in an argument. Was always very there and present. Obtrusive but consistent. Nagging and whinging. But often didn't really listen to me, only heard what she wanted. Always wanted to make things harmonious. Got angry at dissenting opinions and feelings. Would talk her way though anything and force her opinions. Was nicer to me when there were people around. Always aware/looked out for me regardless of who was around. She gave a lot of good and practical advice. Excellent and tireless I can do anything work ethic. Was the best cook in the world and asked us everyday what we wanted to eat and then cooked it for us. Constantly cleaned and made me clean. Was organised to a point of constant discomfort. I did a lot of things just to stop her constant nagging. She hit me a lot, sometimes clearly to the point of beating/bashing/strangling. She never got sick, thought getting sick herself was stupid. But she was the best person to look after you when you were sick, so extremely caring and helpful. Was very affectionate with words and touch, always hugged me and held my hand, stroked my hair. Let us sleep in her bed whenever we wanted. I still went to cuddle her in bed even when I was as old as 19 when she died.
My dad was more calm, comforting. Always stable, but unobtrusive, and sometimes distant. Bought us whatever we wanted, even if we couldnt afford it. Would try to cheer us up if we were sad. Let us do things that mum didnt. Didnt really get involved in my life. Doesnt ask a lot of questions. Forgets a lot of my answers. Accepted most of my decisions. Very hard working and committed. Achieved any goals he set for himself. Helped me with homework, bought me books and technology and taught me whatever I wanted. Self contained. Respected me. Had clear morals and visions and didnt care what anyone thought about them. Always did what he thought was best. Didnt make me do anything I didn't want to. Very rarely used guilt. Either smiled or looked sad. Childlike. Beautifully innocent and strong. Gives people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes easily manipulated. Has poor logic but believes in critical thinking. Orgainised but in a way that confuses me. Will debate with me for a while and then shut down. Gets animated and forceful, pushes his point, but stop when he wants to. Will be sad and quiet because I have hurt him by not agreeing with him. But will get over it and want things to be nice again. Wants me to be nice, oh why can you just be nice charlene. Doesnt care if I tell him the truth or lies, as long as things are nice. Ive done a lot of things because I literally cant stand seeing him look sad or disappointed. I hate disappointing him. He is tireless. Would do anything I asked him to, simply because of his Love. Will do something to help you and ask questions later. Constantly achieves the impossible. Has many niggling health complaints. Talks a lot about his digestive system. Makes a lot of jokes, sometimes inappropriate and silly. Can hold his own among any group. Doesnt care about what other people believe or say, or what their norms are. Will not let anyone goad him to anger. Will charm his way to befriend anyone. Puts people at ease. Doesn't really listen to people. Easily distracted. Always reliable.
Here are some of the things I've noticed....im not saying that these things are true...just what i have noticed, being biased by my own perception of course
Fi and Fe dom are similar and different in many ways, but an obvious difference is that Fe doms are clearly extroverted and Fi doms are clearly introverted. Both Fi and Fe are judging functions, one judges externally, the other internally.
Fe speaks in a direct and clear manner.
can make questions sound like statements
can make requests sound like orders or directives
cares about being polite or right or appropriate in social situations
is naturally warm and effusive
understands cultural structures instinctively
is hyper aware of others, dynamics, and relationships
will normally know what is going on without being told
practicality telepathic and psychic (which was very fucking annoying as a teenager)
can be intolerant of other peoples emotions and issues
tells you what you should feel
tells you your feelings are inappropriate
tells you to get over it
can get over things quickly
cares a lot and will go to great lengths to help you and maintain harmony.
can breakdown if they have to deal with too much emotion from others
can be hyper aware and intrusive about peoples emotions and issues
can be very judgemental
can be cold and cruel
can go from hot to cold
want to be perfect
want other people to be perfect
despises/resents weakness
can be self hating
can have high pain tolerance
not tolerate a lot of shit
cut people down
judge and make lasting impressions about people from very little information
social
gushy
histrionic
hysterical
crazy eyes
knows how to let their hair down
can be very tolerant and understanding
will naturally be compelled to care for others
care for others in a very direct and practical way
will tailor their advice to suit the individual
very good at understanding people are not the same
have different criteria for dealing with different people and situations
are great story tellers, actors, and speakers
play roles and have personas
care about they are perceived
control and shape others perception of them
can be sensitive to how others see them
can be very aware of hierarchy
can seek to befriend first who they see as most 'influential'
care about who's influential and who's not
respect authority
can be insensitive to others and very blunt
can be self sacrificing, sometimes without awareness
can be very manipulative, sometimes without awareness
use guilt, obligation, and social pressure to make people do things
feel the weight of guilt, obligation, and social pressure
whinge and nag
bitch and gossip
playful and teasing
comforting
excellent at budgeting
economical
tasteful
creates aesthetic and welcoming home and environment
welcoming
cleans up for guests
share anything and everything
not be private or possessive about spaces and things
expect other people to feel at home
excellent hospitality
play excellent host
wants everyone to be comfortable
laughs a lot very loudly
cheers and calls out
imperative to have fe doms in an audience to create a good vibe for a show
take a lot of pleasure in other peoples pleasure
feed of people
are not necessarily aware of themselves, their emotions and personal values
are not necessarily in touch with their body
are normally robust and seldom get sick
can be hypochondriac to get attention
Blame other people for their problems
Expect other people to look after them and reciprocate their attentions
Get angry and hateful if ignored
Will punish people
dont necessarily like talking about themselves
will purposefully divert attention from themselves by focusing on others when uncomfortable
will somehow naturally be the centre of attention
very good at putting people at ease
make people feel accepted
make people feel scrutinised
naturally organised
can feel threatened by logic
take things personally
can be extremely irrational
has emotional outbursts
looks down on emotional outbursts from others
seeks to control emotions and only wants to display positive ones
uses their emotional expression to influence people
can find it hard to hide their emotion
will skitz out/carry on like a pork chop in public if they lose their emotional control
will look down on others if they argue in public or act otherwise inappropriately
will dress very differently for home and for public, for close friends and new friends
dramatic and like to dramatise and exaggerate
can be very conservative and traditional
invested in cultural institutions, holidays, public celebrations
volunteer to help
help without being asked
assume they know others intentions
are equally concerned about and interested in everyone in their circle
will prioritise their family and sometimes community over their partner
nosey
need to feel needed
more likely to trust established information
open to suggestion and influence but harder to manipulate
prone to haggle and negotiate
very aware of their 'social position'
can be malicious and attempt...sometimes succeed in ruining/destroying someone
can see people as tools or pawns
effective with strategy and tactics
abandon a strategy because they had a change of heart
love people, like people, like to be around people
make emotional appeals
can be martyrs
buy presents for other people
very appreciative of gifts
dont normally buy things for themselves
leave you feeling tired and drained
very good listeners
may give you undivided attention
can withhold judgement
may give you divided attention
contradict themselves
play weird psychological games that only they understand
forgive everything in an instant based on a moment of empathy
can appear fake, superficial or contrived
controlling
paranoid
can enjoy debating
like to convince people
very physically warm and affectionate
will look competent and in control even when not
has a can do attitude
excellent at motivating people
excellent at bossing people
can make people do things they dont want to do
great at working with others
can manage people well
can maintain a good and productive work dynamic
will need to retreat completely if they become overwrought emotionally
very persuasive
compelling
energising
can be strict and harsh
empathise by feeling what the person is feeling
will buy one for everyone, or none at all
less selective with people
loyal
give you a headache
will clean your house for you
do errands for you without being asked
say things and then deny that they were said a moment later
very endearing
Fi speaks in a subtle and questioning manner.
can make statements sound like questions
can make directives sound like suggestions or queries
cares more about being nice or good in social situations
can be warm, in a cool way
can appear fake and contrived when being nice
comfortable to be around
can put people at ease
has a 'self-contained' quality
can be gentle
can be artistic and very creative
unique
unique sense of style
creates decorative and interesting environments
puts a lot of effort and personality in their spaces
does not necessarily clean up for guests
likes to welcome people but may be aloof or over the top
can be unwelcoming or simply neutral
can be private about their home
can be private and possessive about possessions
may not want to share
can be extremely sharing
can play host and be hospitable
likes to please people
likes to be seen as nice
thinks a lot about how they are perceived
does not necessarily care about how they are perceived
knows how to manipulate perception
knows that manipulating perception is not 'nice'
upset when internal personal perception doesn't match external perception
concerned about authenticity and congruence
compliments people
sucks up to people
sparkly or doe eyes
something 'soft' and nice about them
can be hysterical but normally collected
cool as a cucumber
anxious and worrying chronically at times
knows how to relax
cant relax
will let people feed of them
will disappear when they cant be fed off anymore
in touch with themselves
aware of their body, thoughts, emotions, values etc
concerned about what they like and dont like
avoid conflict
sometimes create conflict by trying to avoid it
sometimes create conflict to 'have it out'
are more accepting and tolerant to others emotions and outbursts
very good at walking someone through their emotions
can be tolerant, accepting, and non judgemental
can be judgemental
cares about the underdog
look out and help people that are neglected by the crowd
befriend people that seem sad or lonely
want to make people feel better
take things personally
very sensitive in a way that can seem extreme
can pussy foot around other people
hates hurting others
takes pleasure in hurting others
passive aggressive
can lash out
can be self hating
can be extraordinary insensitive to other people
not necessarily know that you've had a bad day
baby you if they think something is wrong
be over the top if they know you are sad or in pain
extremely nurturing when they are tuned in
speak and behave in a defensive way
act defensively even if the conversation is neutral.
Makes a lot of jokes that are light hearted
will feel justified to spew out rage and hurtfulness if their feel attacked
can be rude
whine and complain
seem to have many body ailments
talk about their body aliments with others
only talk about their personal problems with close friends
try to appease people
dont necessarily care what people think
have their own individual style and fashion
get annoyed with generalisations
hate/dislike generalisations
sometimes refuse to accept obvious patterns
can jump from point to point
resent having to explain themselves
enjoy explaining their views
are willing to consider others points
are willing to take advice but only if it suits them- very discriminating
careful
thoughtful
can be extremely considerate
cares a lot about their loved ones
aplogises a lot
can make you feel like you are the most important person in the world
genuinely appreciate people and their idiosyncracies
accept and honour individuality
can be very moral and have more absolutes than relatives
can be self righteous
can be hypocritical and unaware of this
sensitive to criticism
extremely idealistic
very effective at manifesting what they want
can be very organised and take pains to do this
can be self sacrificing, sometimes without awareness
will go to extraordinary lengths to help someone
have firm convictions
don't feel they need to share their convictions
like to discuss but dont like to debate
can get very bitchy and personal in a debate
will attack your character
will think/make you feel you are 'bad' person.
can be hypocritical and not know
can be excellent listeners
can be easily distracted
sometimes are oblivious to the obvious
can be unaware of people and their feelings
can be completely tuned into another person and their feelings
can be irrational and illogical
have convoluted logic that works very well for them
not good at explaining themselves
good at teaching people things
very patient
amazingly resilient
will not give up if something matters
will use outside dissent as fuel and motivation to strengthen their conviction
hates being misunderstood
thinks that disagreement is synonymous with misunderstanding
can agree to disagree with great equanimity
can have great equanimity
doesn't like to force people
forces people in a covert way
can be remarkably honest
can be very good at taking criticism if delivered properly
can take more of a battering emotionally than any other type in know
put up with a lot of shit for the sake of love and relationships
give a hundred second chances
forgive all if given a sincere apology
wants desperately to be understood
wants to be appreciated
make appeals to emotions
make appeals to justice
very concerned about justice and fairness
can be unconcerned with cultural institutions, public celebrations and traditions
like to buy themselves gifts
like to buy others gifts
don't always like it when people buy them gifts
appreciate effort
sometimes don't notice effort
appreciates the thought
like what they like dont like what they dont like
can be very particular
know how to take care of themselves
will do something for themselves rather than expecting someone else to
has fewer expectations for other people
has exacting expectations for their partner
will coddle and baby people rather than help them constructively
need to feel needed
will not necessarily consider what is best for everyone when making a decision
respect authority only when it makes sense
will do their own thing
can be selfish
less likely to feel obligated
can have a strong sense of duty and goodness
will try to be a good person
take themselves very seriously
take commitments seriously
can be very relaxed
will clean up when they want to
will clean up to be nice
very loyal
playful and teasing
dedicated to their partner and loved ones
likely prioritise partner over family and community
devote much energy into another
get sad or angry when energy is not returned
idealise and gloss over others flaws
let people drain them completely
concentrate on what is moral, good, and just
focus only on one part of something
understand instinctively 'be the change you wish to see' and the 'man in the mirror'
know how to get what they want
invested in self growth and will change when necessary
can be extraordinary stubborn and resistant to change
susceptible to manipulation
wary of manipulation
can be manipulative
can use people as pawns
can use people
can be very wary of not manipulating people
has a certain something that can compel others to want to look after them
is normally very competent but can appear helpless regardless
can be incredibly responsive and effective in a conflict situation
can mobilise very quickly if necessary
do not like to argue
dont normally argue in public
dont judge other people for the way they act in public
can create scenes— go off- if they are angry and will feel justified doing this
will accept and befriend people even if they have different values and beliefs
appreciate people for who they are
try to change people
empathise by imagining how they would feel in that situation
give you a head ache
make you feel you are walking on eggshells trying not to shit them
make you feel completely rejuvenated
Functions dont really have pros and cons. They just are what they are. Any function can be used in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. No function is better than any other, together they help us see a more comprehensive and whole perspective, and a richer experience with the inner and outer worlds.
Fi and Fe can both be beautiful and scary. It can be lovely and very draining to be around F doms.
Personally I think the fi and fe of infj, enfp, estp, entp, istj and intj can be scarier and more 'evil' than enfjs and infps. Fe and fi manifest differently in the types. Dom Fi is not the same as secondary, tertiary or inferior, and can even look different. For example enfj is fe dom, and enfp is secondary fi, but both these types are extroverted and 'friendly' and like being around people, in a ways that infj and infp, however warm and 'friendly' arent..
I have several infps and 2 isfps that im close to. I like Fe doms, but find it hard and demanding to be close to them.
Looking at famous Fi doms and Fe doms, we can see that they are different, but equally influential and powerful.
Fi doms- Ghandi, Audrey Hepburn, Michael Jackson, Tolkein, JK Rowling, William Blake, C S Lewis, Carl Rogers, David Bowie, Kurt Cobain, Jacqueline Kennedy, Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Mcartney, Princess Diana, Eminem, Marilyn Monroe, Marie Antoinette, maybe Trent Reznor?
Fe dom- Nelson Mandella, Oprah, Martin Luther King Jr, Michael Moore, Nigella, Sarah Palin, my favourite celebrity and most admired people- Jenny Brockie, maybe Elton John?
