Ok, anybody date an ESFJ before, anyone? | INFJ Forum

Ok, anybody date an ESFJ before, anyone?


Sep 8, 2009
First off, I apologize in advance, as I tend to hop on this board once in a while, generally when I have a new lady, to seek advice. I'm intrigued by Myers-Briggs, but I think I spend more time preaching it to novices versus discussing with the experts. Silly me. I feel like a bad friend.

Scenario is this. I'm an INFJ male, just started seeing an ESFJ female. She is someone who has been one of my best friends, and we're doing the transition to a relationship thing. As a result, all of the building blocks are there. We already know each other really well, have lots of common interests. The chemistry is amazing (another one of those intense INFJ beginnings, which she seems to be loving every second of thus far)...

Most comparability sites list this as a bad pairing. I generally don't buy that, as I think there are so many other factors (the people, their ages, the time in their lives, the circumstances of the relationship).

Downfalls that I've seen: we both have super strong Fs and could possibly lead each other in the same bad direction, as we're both crazy optimistic. We've both made the exact same mistakes with some of the same friends, and it's a bit concerning that the partner won't be watching the blind spot. On the flip side, at least we'll be jumping off the cliff together.

Pros: it's been extremely give/give. As an INFJ, I think almost every woman I've dated has been "taking" from my "giving" provider needs. This woman is very much the "mother hen", taking care of everybody, etc. I see our pairing as the ultimate care for everybody, ultra loving, silly happy people combo.

Thoughts/feedback appreciated :)
I am married to an ESFJ. We definetly have our differences, but as a partner, my husband is very attentive and nurturing. I know there's not much he wouldn't do for me.

I am no expert with the MBTI so I can't really say what his traits are in relation to his type. But our chemistry seems like it's either hot or cold, we're either madly in love or hate each other. That could just be us though, we did get married young and had to do alot of growing up since then. At first, we had so much in common, but I think we've grown apart into our interests, and sometimes it feels lonely and sometimes I appreciate time apart!

Also, it's like the blind leading the blind, we both enable each other to do some slightly irresponsible things...mainly spending and splurging when it's not necessary.

My husband is very affectionate, charismatic, makes new friends everywhere he goes, and also goes through or gets bored of people quickly. He's always on the go doing this or planning that. Honestly I'm surprised my infjness hasn't drove him away yet. Oh and he's a good father, very involved with the kids, probably enjoys cooking and taking care of their needs more than most guys would.

There's also a few negatives, like there are with everyone else, and I can't say for sure whether or not those can be attributed to his personality type or not so I'm not going there, lol.
I do appreciate the responses. Hard tell where all of that applies to me as I'm early on, but I do agree with the blind leading the blind. The joke of the night last night was:

me (infj): "hey, do you want to walk to that cliff over there?"
her(esfp): "Ok, yeah, that sounds like fun".
me (infj): "Do you think we can jump off it".
her(esfp): "We can do it! We can do it! (cheerleading style)"