I've been reflecting a little on my past relationships, and I'm afraid that there might be a trend in how I felt towards my old friend and my new friend who has expressed interest in me. To elaborate...
There was a girl (INFJ) that I had interacted online for almost 5 years. Within the first year, we both quickly realised that we had things in common and we both really liked each others company. However nobody spoke about the feelings since we both lived so far away from each other. It wasn't until the third year that she couldn't take it anymore and confessed that she liked me. I quickly replied back that I liked her, and that I was aware of the fact that she had liked me for a while now. From that point onwards, we'd sometime talk about meeting up together, how much she had an impact on my life and how I'd travel across the sea to be with her after I had finished university. The problem was that even though I liked her, it always felt like her emotions towards me were much stronger. It's very possible that they were different. When she ended things with me, suggesting that we should stick to being friends. I was devastated. There was the whole low sinking feeling within me, where I couldn't cry at all since I honestly wanted to have a connection with her.
Looking back on the whole thing. I'm not entirely sure what I felt towards her especially since we had such a close connection. If someone were to ask me, I'd say that I loved her enough to want to be around her forever, and be in a relationship with her. Yet at the same time, maybe the truth was that I was never in love with her? Confusing since that would suggest that my feelings towards her were purely platonic, but it doesn't feel like that was the case.
Fast forward time. Recently a new girl (ESFP) has started expressing interest in me. Unfortunately I'm wary of going through the same cycle again especially since did not work out last time, leaving the other INFJ heartbroken. I'm drawn to the ESFP slightly even though she's different to what I'd usually be attracted. So I decided to give us both the opportunity of getting to know each other better and to see how I'd feel about being in a relationship with her. But am I just repeating myself? Liking someone enough to be in a happy relationship, but never falling in love with them.
It does make me think that I look for emotional connections with people, but while I can love someone lots, maybe I'm just not the sort of person that falls in love with people. It's possible that I just haven't met the right person to make me crash straight away, but I don't get the impression that will happen.
There was a girl (INFJ) that I had interacted online for almost 5 years. Within the first year, we both quickly realised that we had things in common and we both really liked each others company. However nobody spoke about the feelings since we both lived so far away from each other. It wasn't until the third year that she couldn't take it anymore and confessed that she liked me. I quickly replied back that I liked her, and that I was aware of the fact that she had liked me for a while now. From that point onwards, we'd sometime talk about meeting up together, how much she had an impact on my life and how I'd travel across the sea to be with her after I had finished university. The problem was that even though I liked her, it always felt like her emotions towards me were much stronger. It's very possible that they were different. When she ended things with me, suggesting that we should stick to being friends. I was devastated. There was the whole low sinking feeling within me, where I couldn't cry at all since I honestly wanted to have a connection with her.
Looking back on the whole thing. I'm not entirely sure what I felt towards her especially since we had such a close connection. If someone were to ask me, I'd say that I loved her enough to want to be around her forever, and be in a relationship with her. Yet at the same time, maybe the truth was that I was never in love with her? Confusing since that would suggest that my feelings towards her were purely platonic, but it doesn't feel like that was the case.
Fast forward time. Recently a new girl (ESFP) has started expressing interest in me. Unfortunately I'm wary of going through the same cycle again especially since did not work out last time, leaving the other INFJ heartbroken. I'm drawn to the ESFP slightly even though she's different to what I'd usually be attracted. So I decided to give us both the opportunity of getting to know each other better and to see how I'd feel about being in a relationship with her. But am I just repeating myself? Liking someone enough to be in a happy relationship, but never falling in love with them.
It does make me think that I look for emotional connections with people, but while I can love someone lots, maybe I'm just not the sort of person that falls in love with people. It's possible that I just haven't met the right person to make me crash straight away, but I don't get the impression that will happen.
You're very young, you shouldn't really worry about it. I know that's easier said than done, but you can't force it and obsessing about it (I'm not saying that you are) is not going to help. Enjoy talking to people, spending time with them and getting to know them without focusing so much on the feelings and expectations. Sometimes things just happen when you least expect them to.
