[INFJ] My home is my castle

[Shananga]

First post for me...but a really important question to me is: are there other INFJ's being very peculiar about visitors, especially spontaneous, unnanounced visitors? Or is this an introvert trait in general? Or am I simply overreacting when I send away unannounced guests? Other people seem to be totally unbothered by these or even happy when they get spontaneous visits

 

[Sloe Djinn]

First post for me...but a really important question to me is: are there other INFJ's being very peculiar about visitors, especially spontaneous, unnanounced visitors? Or is this an introvert trait in general? Or am I simply overreacting when I send away unannounced guests? Other people seem to be totally unbothered by these or even happy when they get spontaneous visits

I don’t think it’s exclusive to infjs. When it happens do you discriminate between close friends, acquaintances and people you don’t know at all? Is there a general feeling or emotion you associate with it i.e. anxiety, irritation etc?

 

[infinite dreams]

I think that's introverted types in general.

Generally speaking I don't even answer the door when someone pops up unannounced. Yes, I hide and I am utterly unashamed of that.

 

[Shananga]

I think that's introverted types in general.

Generally speaking I don't even answer the door when someone pops up unannounced. Yes, I hide and I am utterly unashamed of that.

Haha, yeah, me too - I pretend I am not at home, even stop to move or breathe

 

[Happy Phantom]

Front door mat.

 

[Shananga]

I don’t think it’s exclusive to infjs. When it happens do you discriminate between close friends, acquaintances and people you don’t know at all? Is there a general feeling or emotion you associate with it i.e. anxiety, irritation etc?

Doesn't matter who, it's more the fact that I am not prepared I guess. Makes me panic. Plus, I find it absolutely impolite.

 

[Shananga]

Front door mat.

Love it!

 

[Infjmuse]

First post for me...but a really important question to me is: are there other INFJ's being very peculiar about visitors, especially spontaneous, unnanounced visitors? Or is this an introvert trait in general? Or am I simply overreacting when I send away unannounced guests? Other people seem to be totally unbothered by these or even happy when they get spontaneous visits

Absolutely hate unannounced visitors. I believe this has to do with me being a perfectionist and hate to be bombarded with worry. I do not like when people have communication issues. If you cannot give me a timed notice then I cannot give you my time. My default response is to be nice and greet that person and make them feel welcomed regardless of them being an idiot and that really bothers me that I treat idiots with kindness. *facepalm*. Another thing is if that person continues to disrespect my boundaries, a ball of rage will make an appearance, and I’m not sure where the hell that comes from ‍ Better just to leave us alone

 

[RonjaRaeubertochter]

Depends who and why is stopping by. But in general, I'd like to have a short notice beforehand.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

I typically answer the door. I probably wouldn’t hide unless it was our super chatty neighbor. If it’s a salesperson or other solicitors I don’t let them in and will quickly railroad the engagement to “No thanks, bye.” If it’s people I know I may let them in but depending upon what mood I’m in I may just engage minimally until they take the hint, but I can’t honestly recall the last time I was visited out of the blue by a friend or acquaintance.

I used to live in a mother-in-law unit and my landlord was a super eccentric and chatty lady. I grew to habitually avoid her because she would often seek me out when she wanted favors, like transportation, and she knew I had trouble saying no. She once kept piggybacking one destination on top of another when I kept telling her that I had an engagement. I ended up being quite late. She would apologize profusely but of course stopped short of setting the boundary if I didn’t.

Overall I don’t like unexpected guests and even feel anxious about entertaining expected ones. There may be exceptions with regard to close friends, but I’d have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than getting a random visit from anyone I’d like to see.

Edit: I do fondly remember having friends who I could drop in on whenever, and I loved it. I really do admire that kind of flexibility and I wish I shared it.

 

[the]

Even an E doesn’t want someone over who’s unwelcome. (Mind blowing, I know)

 

[Free]

The only person who's welcomed unannounced is the UPS driver, because Amazon.

 

[Shananga]

Absolutely hate unannounced visitors. I believe this has to do with me being a perfectionist and hate to be bombarded with worry. I do not like when people have communication issues. If you cannot give me a timed notice then I cannot give you my time. My default response is to be nice and greet that person and make them feel welcomed regardless of them being an idiot and that really bothers me that I treat idiots with kindness. *facepalm*. Another thing is if that person continues to disrespect my boundaries, a ball of rage will make an appearance, and I’m not sure where the hell that comes from ‍ Better just to leave us alone

Yeah, it's disrespectful I think. Assuming someone has to give you some of their time just because you're in the mood for it. I definitely know that ball of rage

 

[Shananga]

I typically answer the door. I probably wouldn’t hide unless it was our super chatty neighbor. If it’s a salesperson or other solicitors I don’t let them in and will quickly railroad the engagement to “No thanks, bye.” If it’s people I know I may let them in but depending upon what mood I’m in I may just engage minimally until they take the hint, but I can’t honestly recall the last time I was visited out of the blue by a friend or acquaintance.

I used to live in a mother-in-law unit and my landlord was a super eccentric and chatty lady. I grew to habitually avoid her because she would often seek me out when she wanted favors, like transportation, and she knew I had trouble saying no. She once kept piggybacking one destination on top of another when I kept telling her that I had an engagement. I ended up being quite late. She would apologize profusely but of course stopped short of setting the boundary if I didn’t.

Overall I don’t like unexpected guests and even feel anxious about entertaining expected ones. There may be exceptions with regard to close friends, but I’d have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than getting a random visit from anyone I’d like to see.

Edit: I do fondly remember having friends who I could drop in on whenever, and I loved it. I really do admire that kind of flexibility and I wish I shared it.

Yes, that's what I feel as well, when I am caught off guard, it's hard to say no.
It's amazing that some people can be so generous when it comes to their homes - I had a friend who would never lock his door, welcome everyone at his home no matter who and when and cook a meal for spontaneous visitors like friends stopping by for a last drink after a night out. And he was genuinely happy doing this. Wish I was that flexible

 

[Shananga]

The only person who's welcomed unannounced is the UPS driver, because Amazon.

 

[Deleted member 10171]

I don't particularly like entertaining unannounced family/guests/visitors/strangers (neighbours have a habit of unexpectedly turning up with lunch invites too!)....but generally OK with having a quick chat and saying farewell. If they've turned up to just disturb by peace and have a chit chat about the weather and make small talk.....well that's going to annoy me (a lot).

...when I send away unannounced guests?

Very curious....could you give a few examples as to how you "send them away" or do you use the "I'm busy" line?.

PS Welcome and hello!!

 

[Shananga]

I don't particularly like entertaining unannounced family/guests/visitors/strangers (neighbours have a habit of unexpectedly turning up with lunch invites too!)....but generally OK with having a quick chat and saying farewell. If they've turned up to just disturb by peace and have a chit chat about the weather and make small talk.....well that's going to annoy me (a lot).



Very curious....could you give a few examples as to how you "send them away" or do you use the "I'm busy" line?.

PS Welcome and hello!!

I usually tell them "I am busy" (if it's my landlord, I suggest another time that suits me, to keep the peace) or I'll say " I was just on the go, to visit my granny". Then I grab my coat and leave together with them, pop into my grandma's apartment complex next door and sneak back through the basement into my apartment complex (the 2 buildings are connected) I go to great lengths when it comes to unannounced visitors...But most of the time, I just pretend I am not at home

 

[Pin]

Surprises are dangerous, good or bad ones. Nobody is so ballsy that something they didn't plan for doesn't alarm them.

 

[Anna Grace]

Well it unsettles me to the highest degree, but I would never send anyone off, just endure.... But make sure they know that I need a notice next time.... Normally works.

I guess if I was really busy or the house was a battle zone then I might say that I am busy, but it would not work with friends....

I also hate when friends come over and invite one of their friends to come with, or even ask for permission to bring someone with, I kind of say yes but not too happy about it so I make sure I want advance notice if the plan need to be modified...

 

[invisible]

A door that locks whenever I want it to is my fondest dream, I'm sure I'll be able to afford it one day.

No, people calling around according to their own convenience is not cool, and it's okay to tell them to cut it out.