My Boyfriend Is INTJ And He Never Goes Out | INFJ Forum

My Boyfriend Is INTJ And He Never Goes Out

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by iHeartCats, Aug 20, 2014.

Share This Page

More threads by iHeartCats
  1. iHeartCats

    iHeartCats Community Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2014
    Threads:
    28
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESFP
    I am in a relationship for 2 months now.
    My boyfriend is a nice INTJ guy but I kind of have a problem convincing him to go out with me sometimes.
    He always wants us to hang in his house and when we're there he just plays World of Warcraft and League of Legends all the time and he barely talks to me. He tries to convince me to bring my laptop and play online games with him but I'm not interested in it. I want us to make out sometimes but he doesn't even notice me when he plays, it seems that video games are all he ever thinks about.

    I am thinking about leaving him but I don't really know what to do. Help?


     
    Bird likes this.
  2. cvp12gh5

    cvp12gh5 What a lovely way to burn...

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2012
    Threads:
    86
    Messages:
    4,017
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    5,464
    Trophy Points:
    465
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Intui
    Enneagram:
    Thinking
    Play video games with him. He'll start to pay attention to you. That's your best angle.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    jyrffw54 likes this.
  3. OP
    iHeartCats

    iHeartCats Community Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2014
    Threads:
    28
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESFP
    Do you think if I played enough, that he might have sex with me?
     
    the likes this.
  4. cvp12gh5

    cvp12gh5 What a lovely way to burn...

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2012
    Threads:
    86
    Messages:
    4,017
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    5,464
    Trophy Points:
    465
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Intui
    Enneagram:
    Thinking
    Take an interest in learning all about the game. Have him teach you how to play (he will love this.) Be genuine in wanting to learn about it...if you are faking it, he will know and be put off.

    If you do learn the game and start to enjoy playing with him, he will be delighted. He will start taking a lot more interest in you. And then that's when you make your move. <---Just not during the game.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    rawr likes this.
  5. Retsu

    Retsu Newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2014
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ISTP
    Enneagram:
    6w5 so/sx
    I know what needs to be done. If he's on an RP server, you can get his username and meet him in the Lion's Pride Inn, otherwise known as thered light district of World of Warcraft. Then you strip in game, and when he prepares himself for fun, that's when you jump on him IRL and say GOTCHA. :m182:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. rawr

    rawr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2010
    Threads:
    123
    Messages:
    7,296
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,369
    Trophy Points:
    867
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Earth
    MBTI:
    IxTP
    Enneagram:
    human
    maybe. Or, see if it's a pattern. If it is, ask yourself if you want to be around that.

    Maybe he would change, maybe he wouldn't, but i think some evaluation and straightforward discussion of the matter with him is warranted.


    That being said, don't take relationship advice from me.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    172
    Messages:
    14,363
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    43,904
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is addicted to the game and he's chosen it over making an effort to build a relationship with you.

    Now that you've gotten together, do you guys even talk? Spend any kind of time together that isn't WoW? Has he ever showed an interest in your hobbies or your person? Has he put any effort or initiative into doing the things you want to do? Or is it all about him?

    Relationships are a two way street. You guys need to talk and figure out a way to balance his needs and yours. It's cool that you're willing to meet him half-way, but what about him meeting you half-way? Are you going to play a game you have no interest in just to call someone your boyfriend and hope he unplugs long enough to remember to sleep with you? 'Cause, sorry to say, from where I'm sitting, that doesn't really look like much of a relationship to me.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #7 sassafras, Aug 20, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2014
    Bird and rawr like this.
  8. DonTaushMe

    DonTaushMe Well-known member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2013
    Threads:
    11
    Messages:
    1,663
    Likes Received:
    385
    Trophy Points:
    637
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    ESTJ
    Enneagram:
    8w9
    Leave him. Tell him why you're leaving him but leave him all the same.
     
  9. the

    the Si master race.
    Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Threads:
    479
    Messages:
    14,389
    Featured Threads:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8,793
    Trophy Points:
    1,112
    MBTI:
    ISTJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    He does things you dont like and doesnt want to change. This is only a two month relationship. Solution is obvious, come on.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Bird likes this.
  10. Skarekrow

    Skarekrow ~~DEVIL~~

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Threads:
    105
    Messages:
    18,488
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    35,917
    Trophy Points:
    2,476
    MBTI:
    Ni-INFJ-A
    Enneagram:
    Warlock
    You are dissatisfied with the time in your relationship when everything is new, and has a rose-colored tint to it anyhow…this is the time when you are supposed to be excited just to be around the other one.
    He sounds like he has other ideas about what a relationship is to him and maybe doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do him.
    I wouldn’t stand for such obvious issues so soon into things…you could do better.
    Find someone who finds you the most interesting thing in the room.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. muir

    Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2009
    Threads:
    39
    Messages:
    11,076
    Likes Received:
    1,236
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Talk it through with him

    If no change then perhaps consider looking for someone more compatible
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. cvp12gh5

    cvp12gh5 What a lovely way to burn...

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2012
    Threads:
    86
    Messages:
    4,017
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    5,464
    Trophy Points:
    465
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Intui
    Enneagram:
    Thinking
    He's an INTJ. He probably doesn't have a clue that this is a problem. If you like him enough, then tell him exactly what the problem is. Don't beat around the bush.

    Example:

    "I want to go out places together. I want to have sex. I want to make out. If you can't meet me half way then I'm moving on." Be blunt and to the point.

    If he doesn't care, then move on. If he does and wants to compromise, then learn his video games.

    I don't see why you should jump straight to breaking up with him without trying to communicate your needs. It's only been two months so you are still learning about each other.

    Again, he's an INTJ. You need to spell out these particular type of needs. If you don't want to, then move on. It's not complicated.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. Tin Man

    Tin Man "a respectable amount of screaming"

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2012
    Threads:
    27
    Messages:
    4,236
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7,126
    Trophy Points:
    969
    Location:
    Right behind you...
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    N
    It sounds like he's got a bit of an addiction. Talking to him about this is probably the best first step. If he's happy this way and doesn't feel the need to change, then there's little to do but end it.

    Hey, that's only...mostly true.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. flower

    flower
    Staff Member Forum Greeter

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2014
    Threads:
    33
    Messages:
    10,181
    Featured Threads:
    10
    Likes Received:
    45,237
    Trophy Points:
    3,280
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nordic
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1 sx
    Talk with him, just exactly what you posted here.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  15. OP
    iHeartCats

    iHeartCats Community Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2014
    Threads:
    28
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESFP
    Good idea. Is there a free online version of WoW? Cause I saw that it costs like 70$ in the store, and I aint paying 70$ for that s***.
     
  16. OP
    iHeartCats

    iHeartCats Community Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2014
    Threads:
    28
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESFP
    Not really... It makes me so sad, to be aware of this. :/
     
  17. Retsu

    Retsu Newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2014
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ISTP
    Enneagram:
    6w5 so/sx
    I'll PM you how to get it for free, and I suggest you do the same for your boyfriend. If your relationship can't be saved then at least save pennies.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    172
    Messages:
    14,363
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    43,904
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    I'm sorry. :(

    If you care about him, you should talk to him and give him a chance to change his behaviour. Just warning you, though, depending on how deep he is into his WoW addiction, he might not be able to.

    The other thing to consider is that the longer you stay with him, the harder its going to be on you to break it off since you're clearly the one more invested in the relationship. He will always have his virtual world to escape into and probably won't realize what happened until he wakes up from a gaming stupor six months later.

    You deserve someone who will give you his undivided attention and be so excited about being in a relationship with you, that he wouldn't feel the need to be plugged in all the time.

    Seems like the two of you simply have different priorities in life.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    rawr likes this.
  19. muir

    Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2009
    Threads:
    39
    Messages:
    11,076
    Likes Received:
    1,236
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I've heard a number of INFJ's discuss their relationships or ex-relationships with INTJ's here now and the same theme runs through all of their experiences: emotional neglect

    What i've come to realise is that as much as i respect the competency of INTJ's they don't have the same warmth or playful side that INFJ's have

    They may have other aspects to them that attract you to them but the question is whether or not you can starve that side of you that won't be nourished in the relationship

    If things aren't working out you might be kidding yourself if you try to tell yourself that things can improve. Staying in a situation that doesn't improve is how resentment develops and that is unhealthy for both parties
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
    Banned

    Joined:
    May 19, 2013
    Threads:
    251
    Messages:
    16,541
    Featured Threads:
    31
    Likes Received:
    10,284
    Trophy Points:
    2,187
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Addiction is addiction and I think thats what you are dealing with. There are times when I zone out from real life playing games. Unfortunately im not sure there is an answer here. You could tell him you dont like the time he spends playing. Hell probably get defensive. At which point you would have to give him a choice. You could try to find things you both enjoy doing away from computers etc... its very easy to have your time sucked away when playing a game and nkt realize how much is gone. Its very real problem for people these days.
    If you dont do anything... nothing will change on its own.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page