My Boyfriend Is INTJ And He Never Goes Out

iHeartCats

iHeartCats

Community Member
MBTI
ESFP
I am in a relationship for 2 months now.
My boyfriend is a nice INTJ guy but I kind of have a problem convincing him to go out with me sometimes.
He always wants us to hang in his house and when we're there he just plays World of Warcraft and League of Legends all the time and he barely talks to me. He tries to convince me to bring my laptop and play online games with him but I'm not interested in it. I want us to make out sometimes but he doesn't even notice me when he plays, it seems that video games are all he ever thinks about.

I am thinking about leaving him but I don't really know what to do. Help?
 
iHeartCats said:
I am in a relationship for 2 months now.
My boyfriend is a nice INTJ guy but I kind of have a problem convincing him to go out with me sometimes.
He always wants us to hang in his house and when we're there he just plays World of Warcraft and League of Legends all the time and he barely talks to me. He tries to convince me to bring my laptop and play online games with him but I'm not interested in it. I want us to make out sometimes but he doesn't even notice me when he plays, it seems that video games are all he ever thinks about.

I am thinking about leaving him but I don't really know what to do. Help?
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Play video games with him. He'll start to pay attention to you. That's your best angle.
 
iHeartCats said:
Do you think if I played enough, that he might have sex with me?
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Take an interest in learning all about the game. Have him teach you how to play (he will love this.) Be genuine in wanting to learn about it...if you are faking it, he will know and be put off.

If you do learn the game and start to enjoy playing with him, he will be delighted. He will start taking a lot more interest in you. And then that's when you make your move. <---Just not during the game.
 
iHeartCats said:
World of Warcraft
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I know what needs to be done. If he's on an RP server, you can get his username and meet him in the Lion's Pride Inn, otherwise known as thered light district of World of Warcraft. Then you strip in game, and when he prepares himself for fun, that's when you jump on him IRL and say GOTCHA. :m182:
 
iHeartCats said:
I am in a relationship for 2 months now.
My boyfriend is a nice INTJ guy but I kind of have a problem convincing him to go out with me sometimes.
He always wants us to hang in his house and when we're there he just plays World of Warcraft and League of Legends all the time and he barely talks to me. He tries to convince me to bring my laptop and play online games with him but I'm not interested in it. I want us to make out sometimes but he doesn't even notice me when he plays, it seems that video games are all he ever thinks about.

I am thinking about leaving him but I don't really know what to do. Help?
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CrazyBeautiful said:
Play video games with him. He'll start to pay attention to you. That's your best angle.
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maybe. Or, see if it's a pattern. If it is, ask yourself if you want to be around that.

Maybe he would change, maybe he wouldn't, but i think some evaluation and straightforward discussion of the matter with him is warranted.


That being said, don't take relationship advice from me.
 
It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is addicted to the game and he's chosen it over making an effort to build a relationship with you.

Now that you've gotten together, do you guys even talk? Spend any kind of time together that isn't WoW? Has he ever showed an interest in your hobbies or your person? Has he put any effort or initiative into doing the things you want to do? Or is it all about him?

Relationships are a two way street. You guys need to talk and figure out a way to balance his needs and yours. It's cool that you're willing to meet him half-way, but what about him meeting you half-way? Are you going to play a game you have no interest in just to call someone your boyfriend and hope he unplugs long enough to remember to sleep with you? 'Cause, sorry to say, from where I'm sitting, that doesn't really look like much of a relationship to me.
 
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He does things you dont like and doesnt want to change. This is only a two month relationship. Solution is obvious, come on.
 
You are dissatisfied with the time in your relationship when everything is new, and has a rose-colored tint to it anyhow…this is the time when you are supposed to be excited just to be around the other one.
He sounds like he has other ideas about what a relationship is to him and maybe doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do him.
I wouldn’t stand for such obvious issues so soon into things…you could do better.
Find someone who finds you the most interesting thing in the room.
 
Talk it through with him

If no change then perhaps consider looking for someone more compatible
 
He's an INTJ. He probably doesn't have a clue that this is a problem. If you like him enough, then tell him exactly what the problem is. Don't beat around the bush.

Example:

"I want to go out places together. I want to have sex. I want to make out. If you can't meet me half way then I'm moving on." Be blunt and to the point.

If he doesn't care, then move on. If he does and wants to compromise, then learn his video games.

I don't see why you should jump straight to breaking up with him without trying to communicate your needs. It's only been two months so you are still learning about each other.

Again, he's an INTJ. You need to spell out these particular type of needs. If you don't want to, then move on. It's not complicated.
 
It sounds like he's got a bit of an addiction. Talking to him about this is probably the best first step. If he's happy this way and doesn't feel the need to change, then there's little to do but end it.

CrazyBeautiful said:
Again, he's an INTJ. You need to spell out these particular type of needs. .
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Hey, that's only...mostly true.
 
Talk with him, just exactly what you posted here.
 
Retsu said:
I know what needs to be done. If he's on an RP server, you can get his username and meet him in the Lion's Pride Inn, otherwise known as thered light district of World of Warcraft. Then you strip in game, and when he prepares himself for fun, that's when you jump on him IRL and say GOTCHA. :m182:
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Good idea. Is there a free online version of WoW? Cause I saw that it costs like 70$ in the store, and I aint paying 70$ for that s***.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is addicted to the game and he's chosen it over making an effort to build a relationship with you.

Now that you've gotten together, do you guys even talk? Spend any kind of time together that isn't WoW? Has he ever showed an interest in your hobbies or your person? Has he put any effort or initiative into doing the things you want to do?
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Not really... It makes me so sad, to be aware of this. :/
 
iHeartCats said:
Good idea. Is there a free online version of WoW? Cause I saw that it costs like 70$ in the store, and I aint paying 70$ for that s***.
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I'll PM you how to get it for free, and I suggest you do the same for your boyfriend. If your relationship can't be saved then at least save pennies.
 
iHeartCats said:
Not really... It makes me so sad, to be aware of this. :/
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I'm sorry. :(

If you care about him, you should talk to him and give him a chance to change his behaviour. Just warning you, though, depending on how deep he is into his WoW addiction, he might not be able to.

The other thing to consider is that the longer you stay with him, the harder its going to be on you to break it off since you're clearly the one more invested in the relationship. He will always have his virtual world to escape into and probably won't realize what happened until he wakes up from a gaming stupor six months later.

You deserve someone who will give you his undivided attention and be so excited about being in a relationship with you, that he wouldn't feel the need to be plugged in all the time.

Seems like the two of you simply have different priorities in life.
 
I've heard a number of INFJ's discuss their relationships or ex-relationships with INTJ's here now and the same theme runs through all of their experiences: emotional neglect

What i've come to realise is that as much as i respect the competency of INTJ's they don't have the same warmth or playful side that INFJ's have

They may have other aspects to them that attract you to them but the question is whether or not you can starve that side of you that won't be nourished in the relationship

If things aren't working out you might be kidding yourself if you try to tell yourself that things can improve. Staying in a situation that doesn't improve is how resentment develops and that is unhealthy for both parties
 
Addiction is addiction and I think thats what you are dealing with. There are times when I zone out from real life playing games. Unfortunately im not sure there is an answer here. You could tell him you dont like the time he spends playing. Hell probably get defensive. At which point you would have to give him a choice. You could try to find things you both enjoy doing away from computers etc... its very easy to have your time sucked away when playing a game and nkt realize how much is gone. Its very real problem for people these days.
If you dont do anything... nothing will change on its own.
 
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