Mixed Marriages

[barbad0s]

Are you in a mixed marriage, or is someone that you know in a mixed marriage?

Since the world is becoming more and more globalized, this kind of union is becoming more commonplace.

My parents, though both Canadian citizens at the time of their meeting, are from two different countries and cultures (European Canadian culture and Southern Chinese culture). I feel that some interesting issues have popped up in their marriage because of this.

Here is an article from this page I found recently on the topic, to provide some food for thought:

Anyone who's been married for a while knows very well that marriage can be quite a challenge. Sometimes things go awry and the marriage fails. Try to imagine then, the additional challenges faced by couples from different cultures; especially those as diverse as Eastern and Western. The failure rate is significantly higher for these couples. They are, of course, fully aware of this before they make the commitment to each other. They are aware of the culture shock and racial discrimination they will probably encounter, the difficulties of acclimatizing to different language, food, climate, customs, and all the other elements of culture. When one moves to another country, the intimate contact of family and friends, and even relatively small things like food, favourite TV programmes, newspapers and so on, are missed.We must remember also that, like married couples, governments often fall out with each other. Where two countries are on friendly terms now, decades later they may be at war. At that time, the multi-cultural couple may find their advancing age makes internment camp life intolerable.

The couple we introduce in the Philippines wedding page put much thought into their wedding. Jim moved from the US to Philippines temporarily to marry Nila, and they lived together whilst they awaited permission for Nila to live in the US. Two years passed; no permission was granted.

This seems ridiculous; especially if you consider marriages in the US and the number of divorces within the first two years. Jim and Nila were married in every sense of the word, but the US government did not recognise it.

Of course, the only really important matter is that Jim and Nila recognise their marriage to each other, and for that reason, they will live together happily ever after, where ever that may be. And it may well have to be in Philippines. Fortunately Nila is comfortable there because it is her home, and Jim is enjoying how far the US dollar goes in Philippines.
In this case, the US government's refusal is not a disaster, but living the rest of their days in Philippines was not their original plan. And this is one example of how living under a 'foreign' government can force personal plans to be changed; much more than government interference on other citizens.

On the plus side, however, the couple can enjoy the benefit of experiencing another culture in a way denied to the rest of us who just visit these places as tourists. Multi-culturalism helps spread understanding and through such understanding, wars can be avoided. Nevertheless, the challenges are still great and we should keep these couples in our prayers.
Before making such commitments, couples owe it to each other to plan for the worse-case scenario.

Please share your experiences and thoughts if you have anything relevant to say.

 

[Dohavior]

Please share your experiences and thoughts if you have any.

Canadian and Chinese?! . . . So hawt girl when can I tap dat ass?

Actually this reminds me of when I cooked up maple bacon lo mein, so much preparation and certainly a clever idea. Isn't it strange how women can get turned on even by imagining their parents doing it? So do you have relatives in the Philippines too? I really should read some Detective Novels, the book lists on that site look quite enjoyable.

 

[j654dgj7]

Race and equality is a hot button topic here in Europe. I grew up with people from mixed marriages, and there's no doubt that they've experienced some level of discrimination. People are asshole, I don't see that changing any time soon.

Here people seem scared that mixing cultures is going to mean losing their culture or connectivity to the world.

What have your experiences been like in Canada, [MENTION=3998]niffer[/MENTION] ?

 

[barbad0s]

What have your experiences been like in Canada, @niffer ?

Could you perhaps rephrase your question to make it more specific? There's too much that I could potentially say. Canada is a cultural mosaic. 20% of Canada's population was born outside of the country.

People here are generally respectful enough towards differences, but I'd say that I'm used to people not really knowing "what" to make of me once they find out about my ethnic background, until they get to know me more. There is a lot of ignorance on the topic, but it's usually not meant to be discriminatory.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

My parents are of an interracial marriage.
I am not certain how much this factors into my life. I believe it is significant. I never was able to fit in culturally with neither my black nor white peers. I am more in my own world than anything, and I think this has given way for me to be accepting and diverse. I study the interactions I have with people, and whether it is my unique vibe, my looks, my race, or all of that, people are hesitant to approach me. I suspect their expectations of me are completely absent in not knowing how to categorize me.

 

[SpecialEdition]

I am friends with a mixed race couple, the female being Asian (I forget where from) and the male being White. I don't want to say a lot about what I observe except that there are some stereotypes that are fulfilled in the marriage that are very noticeable.

 

[Radiantshadow]

Although we are not married yet, my partner and I come from markedly different cultures. She is from Mexico and I am from the United States. We do not have any tensions in our relationship, but we do have different ways of dealing with dysfunctional and destructive friends and family. She is very resistant to tearing anyone out of her social web, even when she acknowledges they are more harmful than helpful and has tried every other way to resolve the problems they create. She has said that she feels a powerful need to keep her family structure intact, yet in the beginning of our relationship, I, in my egocentric ignorance, tried to persuade her to cut them from her life. They're manipulative and controlling and my gut response to such behavior is to say "Fuck you, this isn't okay, find someone else to soothe yourself on". But that goes against her values and it took me a while to really accept that and try to help her find another way to approach the situation. In the end, she was comfortable just spending far, far less time with them.

Now that I think about it, my family was initially resistant to the idea of our being together as individuals. They tried to pressure me into having a relationship of stereotypical gender roles. They stopped that nonsense after a few months of being ignored.

 

[jennerb]

One of my good friends (VERY American - from South Dakota, daughter of a preacher, lives in cattle country) went to teach English in South Korea, and she ended up meeting a Korean fellow there and marrying him. They moved back to the US last year, and they had a wedding here as well (even though they were already legally married). I attended, and it was very interesting to see her husband's family and how they interacted (or didn't) at the wedding, because my friend doesn't speak much Korean, and her in-laws don't speak much English. The Korean side of the family seemed quite isolated amidst all the (somewhat rural-ish) American guests. When they were first dating, I asked her if it is more difficult to communicate with her husband with English not being his first language, and she said a lot of times they end up laughing about miscommunications, which is good. I think in their case individual personalities play a role as well... she is a very dominant/volatile personality, but he is more even-keel and dotes on her. The language barrier in particular seems difficult to me: not being able to connect through language with the in-laws, the additional challenge for communication with a partner. I know her husband had major culture shock moving to South Dakota from Korea as well.

My ex-mother-in-law is a social worker, and she told me directly that seeing interracial couples makes her uncomfortable. She said she wishes it wasn't the case, but it's just how she feels.

 

[barbad0s]

My ex-mother-in-law is a social worker, and she told me directly that seeing interracial couples makes her uncomfortable. She said she wishes it wasn't the case, but it's just how she feels.

Strange. Why do you think this is?

 

[jennerb]

Strange. Why do you think this is?

I'm not sure. She says particularly differences in skin color just hit her prejudice buttons.

 

[barbad0s]

I'm not sure. She says particularly differences in skin color just hit her prejudice buttons.

I don't think a prejudice button is a real thing. I think something along those lines is called a fucktard button.

 

[jennerb]

I don't think a prejudice button is a real thing. I think something along those lines is called a fucktard button.

Yeah, I was pretty appalled. First appalled that she feels that way and second that she'd admit it.

 

[barbad0s]

Yeah, I was pretty appalled. First appalled that she feels that way and second that she'd admit it.

Why were you appalled that she would admit it?

From my perspective, if she were enough of a weirdo to think that way, and as someone who is a social worker which makes no sense whatsoever, she would be enough of a weirdo to admit it.

 

[jennerb]

Why were you appalled that she would admit it?

From my perspective, if she were enough of a weirdo to think that way, and as someone who is a social worker which makes no sense whatsoever, she would be enough of a weirdo to admit it.

That's true, she was never particularly shy about sharing her unpopular ideas. It just seemed odd to me that she'd volunteer the topic knowing where I stand on the matter. It isn't really odd. It would be odd if I did it, because I wouldn't. But it's perfectly normal for her.

 

[barbad0s]

That's true, she was never particularly shy about sharing her unpopular ideas. It just seemed odd to me that she'd volunteer the topic knowing where I stand on the matter. It isn't really odd. It would be odd if I did it, because I wouldn't. But it's perfectly normal for her.

The fact that she was willing to behave like this is ironically very open-minded. Perhaps she was intentionally trying to appall you to test you and make you question your own beliefs and sense of open-mindedness.

 

[jennerb]

The fact that she was willing to behave like this is ironically very open-minded. Perhaps she was intentionally trying to appall you to test you and make you question your own beliefs and sense of open-mindedness.

Indeed. I always admired her for being unabashedly herself. She is most definitely that.

 

[Solongo]

I have always been part of a mixed race coupling. not so much by choice; just not a lot of men from my culture residing here in the US. I am also naturally inclined towards other cultures anyways; it does not phase me to immerse myself in different cultures because Ia m always curious and love learning about different types of people of all origins. despite how I feel; the world around me does react differently to my relationship. it is a mixture of interest, curiosity, disapproval, shock and sometimes resignation. Which i find ironic because I never want to stand for a certain type of race; even if i am asian I do not see the whole asian people as "my people". But society expects accountability in an strange way and in that regard i feel that i hold views about marriage and coupling that might have been more appropriate in the future years. I suspect that I will give birth to mixed race children as well and I see it as a growing trend within the dating community. it's obvious that the future generations of babies will at least have a mixture of few different types of ethnicity. The older folks always react with some disdain and misunderstanding; although not all. Younger people notice but they do not really care to comment. Where I reside is also a factor. if I lived in a less urban community; I would suspect i will face more harsher discrimination. People in america are strange in that they profess love for other cultures and race and even sexual orientation; yet put up a stiff wall when it comes to co-mingling through marriage, same sex living or the embracing of the "modern family" concept. There is still lot of hypocrisy.

 

[Deleted member 10171]

I’m British Indian and hubby is full-bloodied British. Hubby grew up in an area that is predominately considered white British. I have a diverse range of friends from different nationalities so in comparison I think I’m much more culturally well-rounded in my outlook.

I always thought my parents were liberal in their thinking (dad spoke 5 languages which is not unusual when you’ve spent most of your life living in Singapore). I remember as a young adult being “informed” that they had no issues with me marrying anyone from another race as long as he was a Catholic! Well my Catholic faith went out the window and I ended my marrying someone who proclaimed to be an atheist.

Fortunately both sides of our family are cool and respectful so our interracial relationship/marriage was never an issue. If anything the difference in our age (supposedly I’m meant to be older) was initially an issue but I guess this is generally regarded as a taboo in most cultures.

To be honest I think I give my mother a huge amount of grief due to my inability and reluctance to follow cultural social norms and customs. Hubby finds it quite amusing when my dear mummy tells me off for not being a good wifey! I always find it fun when there's a family gathering (from my husband's side) and I'm the only one bringing a little culture into the mix.

Having the culture element in our life does add some interest to the relationship. We are both able to converse in two different languages, we have a good knowledge of different types of cuisine but most importantly (for me) learning how culture and traditions shape a person’s identity is quite fascinating. It is a great position to be able to inform/educate other people who are naturally curious about culture but afraid to ask. I feel I can contribute in an objective and sensitive way (and hopefully) without any cultural bias.

 

[barbad0s]

I’m British Indian and hubby is full-bloodied British. Hubby grew up in an area that is predominately considered white British. I have a diverse range of friends from different nationalities so in comparison I think I’m much more culturally well-rounded in my outlook.

I always thought my parents were liberal in their thinking (dad spoke 5 languages which is not unusual when you’ve spent most of your life living in Singapore). I remember as a young adult being “informed” that they had no issues with me marrying anyone from another race as long as he was a Catholic! Well my Catholic faith went out the window and I ended my marrying someone who proclaimed to be an atheist.

Fortunately both sides of our family are cool and respectful so our interracial relationship/marriage was never an issue. If anything the difference in our age (supposedly I’m meant to be older) was initially an issue but I guess this is generally regarded as a taboo in most cultures.

To be honest I think I give my mother a huge amount of grief due to my inability and reluctance to follow cultural social norms and customs. Hubby finds it quite amusing when my dear mummy tells me off for not being a good wifey! I always find it fun when there's a family gathering (from my husband's side) and I'm the only one bringing a little culture into the mix.

Having the culture element in our life does add some interest to the relationship. We are both able to converse in two different languages, we have a good knowledge of different types of cuisine but most importantly (for me) learning how culture and traditions shape a person’s identity is quite fascinating. It is a great position to be able to inform/educate other people who are naturally curious about culture but afraid to ask. I feel I can contribute in an objective and sensitive way (and hopefully) without any cultural bias.

Oh that's really cool. I feel similarly about being able to inform/educate people. So how long have you two been married for? Were you born in Britain? And have you guys had any fights or conflicts related? What do you feel like are pros and cons to marrying someone from another culture?

 

[Rcs6r]

I can't speak about marriages because I don't know those statistics, but I do see a lot more mixed couples where I live.

My home is a very global city, as referenced in the OP. There's even apparently strong ties to Japan (we even had a first-ever Japanese festival a few years ago to celebrate such ties). The city itself looks more like something out of the TV show Firefly due to the mixing of cultures.

The vibe around here is more liberal, packed with lots of young adult/college-aged people who don't care about past prejudices.

Edit to clarify: I may be painting a rosy picture of where I live, that it's this perfect mixed utopia; it isn't, but it is noticeably more mixed than other places I've been, simply for the reasons stated above.