Middle Child Syndrome | INFJ Forum

Middle Child Syndrome

jimtaylor

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May 19, 2010
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Does anybody here suffer from middle child syndrome? I am pretty sure I did for some time but other things have changed my perception on life enough to where I no longer feel the way I did years ago. I do remember the feelings well though of what it was like growing up, never feeling good enough in my parent
 
I'm sorry to hear that you grew up feeling less valuable than your siblings. Unfortunately this seems to happen alot, sometimes it isn't the middle child, but the most passive child and it sounds like you got the short end of the stick on both of these factors. It's a really positive step to let go of the negative feelings you've been holding onto since your childhood.
 
poster-child. i still resent my sisters, and every other female, for being pretty or having better opportunities. i try not to, but it's a hard thing to get past.
 
poster-child. i still resent my sisters, and every other female, for being pretty or having better opportunities. i try not to, but it's a hard thing to get past.

I did when I was younger as well but then I realized its not there fault that my parents where doing what they where doing. It's fair to feel that way as well becasue you see them getting what they want and they don't seem to care that you don't. It's not fair but the anger is not worth it. Taking the higher road and just forgiving them and the actions of your parents in a way will make you feel better and just shows better character. Not saying you have to be best friends with them. To this day I still have had only one real conversation with mom where I could be honest with her and that is when I told her I was taking her to court. Not the type of conversation I would hope anybody would have to have. haha.
 
ima a middle child outta 5 childs
 
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I am a middle child and I have struggled with this inferior complex in childhood.
I applaud your advice and recommend it too.
You can't change this, it is human nature. Only a middle child parent will be able to realise their actions. Sure, we are quite invisible in comparison to our other siblings, especially if they are extraverted, likeable and good-looking. But this actually prepares us, for life isn't a bed of roses and at times you can't fall back on status to get off easy. We have to prove we are exceptional and capable of leading good lives. We become independent at an earlier stage IF we take it in our stride. I believe too much attention may spoil some types of children.
I shan't go into details but I am now the most successful of them all.

Just my take.
 
The problem with me is that it didn't stay in my childhood. My parents still tend to favor my sisters over me. Now, especially, because they are geographically closer. Because they made better decisions. But the kicker is that many of the same attitudes about who's prettier and has the better house or the better job still remain. My sisters are awfully pretty, in my opinion. I'm sort of plain. When I was 22, the guy I had been talking to and was really into, who was giving me the distinct impression he was interested, turned around and asked out my older sister. She turned him down, but not for my sake. Then he came running back to me a few months later, thinking everything would be back to normal. This was not the first time a guy I liked went after my sister.

Anyway, it would be easy to forgive and move on if it wasn't still happening. I don't really want to go into any specific detail about other things. One, because it will ruin my day. Two, because it wouldn't be fair or appropriate to air all of my family's dirty laundry here.
 
Meh. Being a middle child is underated. I've always felt my parents liked me the best. I'm the oldest son, and got into a lot of sports and stuff, and my parents always wanted to attend them, even though they embarresed me some at the games, and asked them NOT to go.
 
Yes says my name.
 
Meh. Being a middle child is underated. I've always felt my parents liked me the best. I'm the oldest son, and got into a lot of sports and stuff, and my parents always wanted to attend them, even though they embarresed me some at the games, and asked them NOT to go.

I think it works differently in your situation. The Middle Child Syndrome tends to be more pronounced if the oldest child is of the same gender as the one following. So, two sister and a brother (in that order) would be more pronounced than if if was an sister (oldest), brother (middle) and sister (youngest). For larger families, it will follow a similar format if there is an older and younger sibling of the same gender. That can also apply to the previous example mentioned earlier.
 
I think it works differently in your situation. The Middle Child Syndrome tends to be more pronounced if the oldest child is of the same gender as the one following. So, two sister and a brother (in that order) would be more pronounced than if if was an sister (oldest), brother (middle) and sister (youngest). For larger families, it will follow a similar format if there is an older and younger sibling of the same gender. That can also apply to the previous example mentioned earlier.

Yeah I think it does too. Parents are human and preferences and sometimes when that second child is of the same gender they have a let down, especially if the mother/father really wanted a daughter/son. It is sad but it does happen.
 
My middle child syndrome only stems from the fact that I have like 7 baby pictures. I was the third out of 5 and everyone has oodles of pictures except me. I still harass my parents about this. My Dad says "Oh I'm sure your aunts have them" and my mom says "Your older brother torn them up when he was 3-4". Hmm.
 
My middle child syndrome only stems from the fact that I have like 7 baby pictures. I was the third out of 5 and everyone has oodles of pictures except me. I still harass my parents about this. My Dad says "Oh I'm sure your aunts have them" and my mom says "Your older brother torn them up when he was 3-4". Hmm.

Oh yeah, I joke about it with my parents as well. I come from a similar situation as well. 4th born child of 7. 3 older siblings and 3 younger. Didn't help that I was naturally quiet either. I just don't like noise and I hate being the center of attention. Stories of how I was as a baby and as a little kid are always explaining me as that kid who was content just to sit and watch. I still like to just sit and observe and see how things are played out. It is just really interesting watching people. I had a pretty good childhood though but it was hard competing with my siblings when I didn't want to. It just isn't fun being torn between wanting attention yourself but not wanting to take it away from your siblings.

Part of what brought this up was a group of my friends where talking about it. They just where all talking about a sibling who is a middle child and is having some real problems. I just find it disappointing that parents can see the impact they have on their children or if they do see it, don't know enough to do anything about it.
 
I'm the oldest brother of 3 younger sisters and i see that my second oldest sister does go through some tough times but my mom is the youngest and was often shunned by her older siblings, so there is a lot of sympathy coming from my mom. My mom doesn't take favorites but my dad chose me as the favorite a long time ago, mainly because of my male genitalia. It's actually kind of funny how he and his mom (my grandma) go about it because i usually get twice as much money for Christmas and birthdays as my sisters do from both of them. Bit honestly, being the oldest is not all it's cracked up to be. If the parents screw up on a kid, it will be the first. You are expected to take care of the youngest and lead the fam later in life. Plus, parents are usually most protective of the first meaning we don't get out much unless we rebel.
 
I am the "middle child", but I think my feelings
of inadequacy were induced by other variables.
 
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I am the "middle child", but I think my feelings
of inadequacy were induced by other variables.

Well, there is rarely ever just one reason to something so that's to be expected. My feelings of inadequacy when I was younger stemmed from many things that I eventually got over (some recently), but I would be lying if I were to say that being a middle child was not a factor. Of course there are times where it comes to mind and again I find myself thinking about how my parents where but that is something I have to accept. I can either let it control me; like my old feelings of inadequacy did, or I can control it; I chose the latter. One of the first steps in overcoming anything is admitting that the problem exists and only you can overcome it.

EDIT: I re-read this and I realize it came off a little harsh. I am just trying to say that as with anything, there is normally more than one reason to why it happened. With me as a child, there was probably a thousand different things that caused it but the middle child thing was easiest for me to see and to be honest; despite how self loathing it may sound, it felt good for once to not feel like all my problems where caused by myself.
 
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