Letting go (or not) | INFJ Forum

Letting go (or not)

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Lerxst, Jul 20, 2011.

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  1. Lerxst

    Lerxst Well-known member

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    Going back to some old MBTI sites, one "weakness" they mention in INFJs is the difficulty in leaving bad relationships. I suppose it came up since I've been married for years and we've had lots of ups and downs so I always find myself questioning myself from time to time...

    So, do you ever think you may have trouble letting go, or becoming overly attached in a relationship?
     
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  2. mochi

    mochi Permanent Fixture

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    I think it's true. At least it was for me...

    If things go good for a long time, then turn bad much later down the road, it's really hard for me to just leave a person after so long. It's not that I don't recognize that there is something wrong, it's that I just don't give up and try my very best to make it work. I think somehow INFJs are more like this because we feel very strongly and exhaust everything in order to prevent a breakup. But in some ways it is a bad characteristic when the other person just doesn't want to try anymore. I can't really speak for everyone because I don't have much experience, but I feel like a lot of INFJs are usually left, and seldom the leaver when it comes to serious relationships. I don't know about newer relationships, but I think I am better about it if it's bad at the get-go, and can leave pretty fast in that case.
     
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  3. Sriracha

    Sriracha Not here.
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    Yes, in a marriage I would have trouble letting go ... b/c I feel what the other person is feeling. When ending a relationship causes a great amount of pain to the other, I will suffer double the amount and let's face it, we avoid conflict. Ironically we internalize conflicts which only create stress on our bodies ... not a good recipe for your health.

    An INFJ needs to learn to stick up for themselves in a relationship and not allow conflicts to pile up. It's unnatural, but IT IS A MUST for your health.
     
  4. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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    Omg....YES!

    Twice!
    ...still having trouble letting go with this last one...:ballchain:
     
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    I don't have a problem letting go but then I am not an INFJ. I would say for INTJs the problem is more about "letting them near". I am very slow at letting anybody get close to me. I will cut people out in a heartbeat because for the most part, I didn't let them particularly close to begin with. It takes a lot for me to commit to being a friend, let alone a SO to someone.
     
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    Aneirin wandering aimlessly
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    Um, yeah.
     
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    Why is the question 'letting go' and not 'hanging on'?
    I think the later applies to a greater extent than the former. I thought about this today. Is it because 'hanging on' seems negative and more personally connected-as in, it is your issue. And perhaps, 'letting go' is a more gentle euphemisim?
     
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  9. OP
    Lerxst

    Lerxst Well-known member

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    I think of "letting go" and "hanging on" as one in the same - attachment. The former, I guess, is a more gentle way of putting it; it implies some kind of freedom I suppose.
     
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  10. not sure

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    It is simple. You were more attached to the relationship than the other person. Your mind knows this but can't come to terms with it so you hold on. It's not a failure or something to be ashamed of. It just is. I now also realize that my reluctance to attach is a failure because vulnerability is the only path to true connection. However odds are it won't work and it will hurt but it's what we do because life orders it.
     
  11. Kgal

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    In my case, letting go means exactly that. Disentangling. In the description for INFJs it says we have a hard time getting ourselves out of relationships - whether it's good for us or not. It doesn't matter if it's the other person who wants out - or us. We have trouble leaving.
     
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