I think this is a way of answering the OP e.g. that a healthy relationship might not be possible when one has low self-esteem.
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a person who has low self esteem/worth?
- Thread starter slant
- Start date
I think this is a way of answering the OP e.g. that a healthy relationship might not be possible when one has low self-esteem.
Oh well the op was about friendship so that's why I was confused
Woops. I admit I hadn't caught that either
I'll have a more careful read of recent posts in the thread later. Seems like interesting insights have been shared.
Eh this thread went a lot of directions I'm just being nitpicky, gotta let the organic flow happen I supposeWoops. I admit I hadn't caught that either
I'll have a more careful read of recent posts in the thread later. Seems like interesting insights have been shared.
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
- Jun 26, 2017
- 12,749
- 50,519
- 3,276
- MBTI
- ENTJ
- Enneagram
- 3w4, 3-8-7
The OP, most of my time is spent just trying to do well in life and I've kind of just accepted that relationships don't come into fruition or fall apart when you're trying to escape poverty.
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
- Jun 26, 2017
- 12,749
- 50,519
- 3,276
- MBTI
- ENTJ
- Enneagram
- 3w4, 3-8-7
Sure, but there's only one I regularly talk to. My other friends just aren't very reliable, that's the problem.you don't have any friends?
Well then you just proved what you said wrong right since you do have a successful friendship
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
- Jun 26, 2017
- 12,749
- 50,519
- 3,276
- MBTI
- ENTJ
- Enneagram
- 3w4, 3-8-7
That's true, I basically have one friend.
My last post was just about something relatable that someone else had said so I want to take a shot at answering the original question.
I absolutely think it's possible to have healthy relationships with people with low self esteem and/or other problems, and I agree with what others have said about boundaries being key. And if you're feeling the need to give yourself permission to say a hard no to someone, and draw a firm boundary of no contact and interaction, then I think you should honor that. I think you're right when you describe how people can be unhealthy for each other, especially if the connection is around an area where we're weak and vulnerable in ways ourselves. At the same time though, when we connect with someone who has had a similar history, and is headed in a similar trajectory, they can become our closest ally and we might end up forming the strongest of bonds. But this really is a very nuanced arena of personal interaction that can take time to learn how to navigate.
I also understand what others have said about how disheartening it can be when relationships are approached through transactional thinking and I do feel the same to some extent. It's just that it's not uncommon for some form of transactional thinking to play a significant part in a person's journey when they are recovering from denying themselves for years. For some it's a very necessary step and helps create a foundation that was never laid.
Anyway, for whatever it's worth, I applaud your efforts at personal growth and development @slant and I hope you are doing well.
Yes, boundaries are always good as you need your own time, and yes, their path is their own path, but I have "seen" the amazing change in you over just 12 short months. I can see why they would want to "align" themselves with you. The co-dependent thing is not good, but boundaries as you stated.
Maybe this is just the smaller part of the bigger picture for you. To learn comprehensively HOW to set solid and safe boundaries with people. It's one step of many to help you to the next stage of you finding yourself.
Yeah I'm terrible at boundaries, I would even refine that statement to say, I'm terrible at allowing myself to have limitations. Learning this with wounds. But I guess it's still a lesson.
Same here .. about setting boundaries .. starting to do so, but it's a long road. Some people find it easy and I admire them for that. For me, it will always be an uphill battle.
All you can do is keep on keeping on
I appreciate your encouragement. You often give me exactly what I needed to hear in the moment and sometimes I don't realize it until much laterSame here .. about setting boundaries .. starting to do so, but it's a long road. Some people find it easy and I admire them for that. For me, it will always be an uphill battle.
All you can do is keep on keeping on
I appreciate that. I'm going through a bit of a low right now but it happens. Depression!
I see what you're saying here. A lot of what was happening when I originally wrote this thread had evolved; the low self esteem friend I had who was kinda co dependent with me found a girlfriend shortly after who he's become codependent with and that's allowed us to have a healthy friendship without all of the pressure. So that worked out. We have similar histories and it's nice, we learn from each other kind of like you said, but if he hadnt found a girlfriend I don't think we would still be friends.
A different girl I had in mind during this I had to cut her out because we had nothing in common and I didn't really like her company, I was just being "nice" and I had to realize in a sense that was enabling both of us so I ended that.
A third friendship I wasn't really referencing in this thread but was struggling with at the time I finally resolved after 9 months... It was one of those situations where our similar issues made us try to rescue each other which made each of our issues increasingly worse. Took me too long to let go of that.
I don't mind carrying someone, though some drag their feet to destroy your potential because they can never reach theirs. This can become a life-long ambition of theirs. When we realize and step over their heads, the world shines anew. They will always be what they always have been, and we can grow to be what we were always meant to be. We must realize our friendship, to them, is based on holding our heads under the water. Once people see our potential and we start growing, we attract a different group of people and associates. They may get to see something they have long awaited.
Low self-esteem may not brake the camel's back, but it can lead up to ugliness unlike we could before imagine. Beware of hidden jealousy, which can easily become motivational. What we see in someone isn't always what is there, and they can have others help them to use and abuse you. If they are standing on your shoulders too long, understand the situation. They want to keep you down there while they remain up there at your cost, and with your strength and stamina. People can be like a pack of wild dogs: not worthy to be called wolves.
Low self-esteem may not brake the camel's back, but it can lead up to ugliness unlike we could before imagine. Beware of hidden jealousy, which can easily become motivational. What we see in someone isn't always what is there, and they can have others help them to use and abuse you. If they are standing on your shoulders too long, understand the situation. They want to keep you down there while they remain up there at your cost, and with your strength and stamina. People can be like a pack of wild dogs: not worthy to be called wolves.
Fuck this is poetry, son. Thanks for this post. I like it a lot. Really resonates