Is it an INFJ trait to speak less and observe more as you get older? | INFJ Forum

Is it an INFJ trait to speak less and observe more as you get older?

Artemisia

Community Member
May 20, 2014
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One of my pet peeves is rambling questions and answers. I feel like if I ask a question, most people will ramble on and on when they could answer the question in two or three sentences. Same with people asking questions in academic conferences or seminars. I feel like it is a total waste of my time to hear someone's ramblings and make every effort to be concise and to the point in my own questions and answers, including in emails or texts.

Lately, I have also realized that I talk less. Perhaps this is our of fear that people will ramble and waste my time if I converse with them at length, but I also seem to prefer observing more than talking. Is this an INFJ trait or just me getting older?
 
Yes I prefer to observe, but INFJs can ramble about topics we're "obsessed" with and they can also seem extroverted in social situations and be quite chatty. So...
 
. Is this an INFJ trait or just me getting older?
Yes, I believe it's both. I'm am older INFJ, though I didn't know its depths until recently. I find that I get irritated when I ask a question that can simply be answered with a yes/no answer. I'm often met with a long and drawn out response filled with what I perceive as redundancies. Basically because when I ask the question its purpose was to check my accuracy in my own conclusion, or validate what I know already. The questions are my way of checking if I'm correct through seeking anothers opinion...agreemement. It becomes demeaning to me when the other person, instead of asking first, speaks volumes to the question assuming I don't know anything. Because of this, often I end up finding my best answer and skip asking another's opinion and that results in my not talking much with others.
 
Interesting, @Sandie33
I tend to ask questions when I want to learn something new or want a different perspective.
Sometimes I ask questions to show the other person is valued, even if I don't really need to ask anything.
 
Interesting, @Sandie33
I tend to ask questions when I want to learn something new or want a different perspective.
Sometimes I ask questions to show the other person is valued, even if I don't really need to ask anything.
Those too @Asa , I was specializing ;)
 
I feel like it is a total waste of my time to hear someone's ramblings and make every effort to be concise and to the point in my own questions and answers,
YES. It really sucks at work, too. Less is more.

The problem with me is that I am too direct. People at work tend to need to be coddled into an understanding. Not me. I despise it.
 
I think as I get older I find that I simply care less. The things that used to get to me don't have the power they once did. .
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Is it an INFJ trait to die inside as you get older?
Recognizing that most of our interactions are dictated by the other's ability to hold our projections can be starkly sad.
Aging is facing our mortality or doubling down on our denial of it.
Not connecting with others because we can't see ourselves in them is the realization of absolute aloneness. (and not in a good way)
The reality of " others" is only appreciated when we see past our projections and deflect theirs.
 
Recognizing that most of our interactions are dictated by the other's ability to hold our projections can be starkly sad.
Aging is facing our mortality or doubling down on our denial of it.
Not connecting with others because we can't see ourselves in them is the realization of absolute aloneness. (and not in a good way)
The reality of " others" is only appreciated when we see past our projections and deflect theirs.
yesyes.jpg
 
For me it is slowly giving up as what the normies talk about is of very little interest and usually bores anyone who likes deep topics to death anyway. At least I am doing fairly well inside though being in this world does take a toll on mental health.
 
One of my pet peeves is rambling questions and answers. I feel like if I ask a question, most people will ramble on and on when they could answer the question in two or three sentences. Same with people asking questions in academic conferences or seminars. I feel like it is a total waste of my time to hear someone's ramblings and make every effort to be concise and to the point in my own questions and answers, including in emails or texts.

Lately, I have also realized that I talk less. Perhaps this is our of fear that people will ramble and waste my time if I converse with them at length, but I also seem to prefer observing more than talking. Is this an INFJ trait or just me getting older?
It depends on who you're speaking to. Sometimes, we are verbose because it is an intent to form a connection. Sometimes, we are terse because it's a simple question requiring a simple answer. I often find myself thinking, "Would you please just get to the point?", yet in an alternate conversation I could listen to them 'ramble' on and on as long as it was interesting and had a modicum of depth. Some people just aren't that interesting. Though, yes, constantly observing. I speak more in written form than verbally, this is also an important distinction.