Is he an ENFJ? Is Fe conflict avoidant? | INFJ Forum

Is he an ENFJ? Is Fe conflict avoidant?

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Zira

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Mar 18, 2013
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Hello!

So, I have a friend of mine, who I really like, and I’m wandering about his type. I’m quite sure he’s an NF, but he’s really bossy and agressive sometimes. He is dreamy, romantic, wandering, philosophic, sensitive and idealist, but he also finds critisism and harsh opinion expression constructive. These are usually really logical explanation so not an ”žI have my value system, and if you don’t like it, then fck you”.

He’s the kind of man who’ll see a girl and begin to think about ”žwhat if I’ve known her in a life before, and this is so romantic”, the man who’ll buy food and drink to all the homeless men while he’s walking down the streets, the one, who’ll fight for his ideal world, and the one, who can be really rude and logical. The dominant one, who’ll cry if he sees an ill puppy, and the man, who’ll eat you alive, if you say something illogical. Once I asked him about this, and he said ”žit’s because I think this kind of thinking is destructive. People should change it.”

Maybe he’s an ENFJ, with a really harsh idealism about how thinking and conversations should work among people? But isn’t Fe conflict avoidant? Or can Fe work like that?
 
I'm interested in his type, because I find his personality (in MBTI) controversial.

Although yeah, I'm gonna ask him out. But really, this wasn't the point.
 
I couldn't really say. What you've described would be more like me (INFJ) than my best friend (ENFJ.) He doesn't care about homeless folks. Are you sure he's extroverted?

He might be an ESFJ. He could be anything really. Perhaps have him take a test?
 
From your description he feels more like a Fi dom....
 
He is E, or has a close E/I percentage. He needs stimulation from outside, he always reads the news, wants to know about everything in the world, gathers informations, and likes to react, speak. Though he spends some time alone, he gets really depressed if he has to be alone at home more than 3 days. This is why he hated school breaks at summer. He didn't have enough friends but hated to be at home all the time. When he's home, he usually reads on the internet, writes to forums, has conversations, or plays coop games. Though sometimes he changes and wants to be in his own world, with his movies, books, I'd rather say he is an E or a "borderline" E/I.

He took the test a few times. He got ENTP/ENTJ/INTP results, read the descriptions, but he says he thinks he's more romantic and idealist.

I think he's an idealist as V was in V for Vendetta (he's not that radical though :D) and always says people won't change but it's better to give a chance than doing nothing.

Why I find this quite amusing, is that it looks like he has a huge F, though he's usually really logical, and straight to people.
 
Zira said:
He is E, or has a close E/I percentage. He needs stimulation from outside, he always reads the news, wants to know about everything in the world, gathers informations, and likes to react, speak. Though he spends some time alone, he gets really depressed if he has to be alone at home more than 3 days. This is why he hated school breaks at summer. He didn't have enough friends but hated to be at home all the time. When he's home, he usually reads on the internet, writes to forums, has conversations, or plays coop games. Though sometimes he changes and wants to be in his own world, with his movies, books, I'd rather say he is an E or a "borderline" E/I.

He took the test a few times. He got ENTP/ENTJ/INTP results, read the descriptions, but he says he thinks he's more romantic and idealist.

I think he's an idealist as V was in V for Vendetta (he's not that radical though :D) and always says people won't change but it's better to give a chance than doing nothing.

Why I find this quite amusing, is that it looks like he has a huge F, though he's usually really logical, and straight to people.
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Why do you doubt ENTP or ENTJ? I think they are both plausible types given what you've described. Probably moreso ENTP, in my opinion.
 
I'm not sure if ENTPs are stereotipically so into this "let's change the world, we are all responsible for our environment, and people around us, I'll tell you what to do, and if you won't do it, I'll be really frustrated". They are usually not bossy, and I'm not sure if they usually want to change things politically and socially, because they find it inappropriate. Or maybe I'm too stereotypical. Other stuff: I have a friend, who usually said really sexist jokes (he made a parody), but this guy became really irritated, though he knew it was only a joke, and found it funny. I think he afraid of the jokes impact on others. That these will deepen the stereotypes in people, and they won't understand the jokes.
Why I'm not sure about ENTJ is that he always procrastinates, and though he is usually dominant in a group, and always tells his opinion (sometimes in a rude way), he is not organized, and has a really big problem with deadlines.

This is now a philosophy topic, I think.
 
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If the test said he's ENTP/ENTJ/INTP then INFJ is not looking like a good bet

Also if he is bad at meeting deadlines then that possibly suggests he is not a J type as they are likely to be organised and bring the job in on time

Either way not really looking like an INFJ but ultimately that's up to him to figure out
 
Any type can be conflict avoidant, but from what you chose to describe about him, your guy sounds like INFP to me.

Going completely by surface stereotypes (because really, what else can we discuss here?) ENFJs are more into doing something about their ideals rather than they are talking about them. They're also not all that day-dreamy and individualist and won't divulge too much about themselves. They're not that open-book. They're more interested in finding things out about you and what your interests are. Furthermore, ENFJs are usually very organized, especially in a group setting, because they don't like letting people down. Philosophy doesn't really sound like an ENFJ-y thing either. Philosophy appeals to more to Ti or Fi types. ENFJs will look more to the social sciences or anything that gets them to work with people.

Nothing what you described about him stands out as being ENTP or ENTJ-y at all.
 
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Zira said:
But INFPs (stereotype) aren't conflict avoidant?
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Yes they are. At least the two I know. I always gotta stand up for them. It's not to say that they can't handle themselves in a conflict. They just don't like stirring the pot unnecessarily and will go to great lengths to avoid doing so. Unless it is one of their deeper core values that gets tripped, then watch out! :O
 
One more thing you may need to consider is that perhaps you, as an INFJ, are simply idealizing him, or amplifying in your mind what the aspects of him are that you idealize. You could be idealizing him to make him out to be something he isn't. Obviously that would be something only you would know if you're doing; just thought it'd be something you might want to consider.
 
Yes, I knew a few, and they are really avoidant and shy.

"Unless it is one of their deeper core values that gets tripped, then watch out! :O"

Hehe, yes, the Fi.
 
Fi doms are conflict avoidant-- until when they exploded; in which case it's a bull in a china shop case of FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU TOO. Disproportionate retribution is quite common when it comes to Fi dom as a stereotype.

But yes, that's a stereotype. I think looking deeper; the basis of that is Fi's desire to -protect- their internal values and consistency; I know Fi doms who are confrontational because they think that offense is the best defense, as a counterexample.
 
Trifoilum said:
But yes, that's a stereotype. I think looking deeper; the basis of that is Fi's desire to -protect- their internal values and consistency; I know Fi doms who are confrontational because they think that offense is the best defense, as a counterexample.
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Yes, I only see the difference in the way of protection. It doesn't matter if the point is the protection of a system or value, with or without logical reasoning, or the point is the protection of logic.
 
Zira said:
Yes, I only see the difference in the way of protection. It doesn't matter if the point is the protection of a system or value, with or without logical reasoning, or the point is the protection of logic.
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Yep; that's the difference between FiTe and FeTi, personally speaking.
 
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