Irritated By People Who Waste My Time

Artemisia

Artemisia

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
I have noticed an interesting trend in my personality lately. Not only have I become more cynical and a defensive pessimist but I also seem irritated by anyone who wastes my time - and I don't mean in dating only.

I find myself being angry with telemarketers who waste minutes of my time asking me to verify things and how I am, blah blah. I also get irritated when I apply for a job and the recruiters don't get back to me or get back to me very late. Same with friends who take forever to reply to messages and calls and people who waste my time with boring stories of what their kids did etc.

In general my concept of time (I am 33) has taken precedence and I find that most things one has to deal with are BS. I don't do small talk and anything that gets in the way of my productivity or my goals for the future is a waste of time, I feel.

I wonder if this is an INFJ trait, a trait of people as they get older, or the trait of a bitter woman. Let's hear it.
 
I should also add that I recently took the Enneagram test and I am a 4 w 3 wing. Maybe that says something for an INFJ?
 
Artemisia said:
I have noticed an interesting trend in my personality lately. Not only have I become more cynical and a defensive pessimist but I also seem irritated by anyone who wastes my time - and I don't mean in dating only.

I find myself being angry with telemarketers who waste minutes of my time asking me to verify things and how I am, blah blah. I also get irritated when I apply for a job and the recruiters don't get back to me or get back to me very late. Same with friends who take forever to reply to messages and calls and people who waste my time with boring stories of what their kids did etc.

In general my concept of time (I am 33) has taken precedence and I find that most things one has to deal with are BS. I don't do small talk and anything that gets in the way of my productivity or my goals for the future is a waste of time, I feel.

I wonder if this is an INFJ trait, a trait of people as they get older, or the trait of a bitter woman. Let's hear it.
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I feel like that I'm early 40's, I can't be bothered with a lot of the stuff that feel like a waste of time. Less tolerance for spending time with people who for whatever reason are not really meeting me. No time for the unsolicited calls on my landline (who has though). No time for crap jobs anymore, that when I start I know are going to take me precisely no-where. No time to be treated like shit by managers who don't appreciate me, or my skills and are, in many ways, less intelligent than I am. That is going to sound arrogant and is- because in truth I could not do an management role in a HR type setting. Therefore they obviously have skills I don't have. But they neither appreciate me or really understand me. Shame I've spent a lot of time working in these environments. Occasionally I have worked with people whom have appreciated me and it has made an enormous difference.
I think I have less tolerance also because I can work it out sooner that someone is not going to be genuine with me. I can tell when a potential mate will not be a good potential mate...so don't go through the process of finding out. I think experience makes you more selective. Maybe that's a good thing, it's just a challenge to still have options when your so selective.
 
Jet said:
Time is yours. If it's being wasted maybe you should reconsider how you are spending it.
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Right. Also if you're a miserable person fix that shit asap otherwise you'll continue to project your miserablism on to everyone you meet.
 
SpringHaze said:
Right. Also if you're a miserable person fix that shit asap otherwise you'll continue to project your miserablism on to everyone you meet.
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e.g. having and making choices.
 
@Artemisia

Yes. I am more and more selective about who I give my time to. Or give any control to. I went on a chaotic roller coaster ride earlier this year with this. Some of it seemed like necessary pain to arrive at new conclusions for myself about this. There was a lot of good in this experience too. Lots of reasons why. Still, I have now become very surgical about cutting people and situations out of my life, so that I can focus on my life and what is important for me. Hopefully I have learned this lesson so well this time that I won't repeat it.

PS I think it's an INFJ trait which may become more pronounced with aging.
 
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CosmicINFJ said:
@Artemisia

Yes. I am more and more selective about who I give my time to. Or give any control to. I went on a chaotic roller coaster ride earlier this year with this. Some of it seemed like necessary pain to arrive at new conclusions for myself about this. There was a lot of good in this experience too. Lots of reasons why. Still, I have now become very surgical about cutting people and situations out of my life, so that I can focus on my life and what is important for me. Hopefully I have learned this lesson so well this time that I won't repeat it.

PS I think it's an INFJ trait which may become more pronounced with aging.
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Yes. And I think it is also an INFJ trait to go past all the bs and fluff and focus on what really matters. I mean, yes, I can be empathetic if you come across as a genuine person with problems but a lot of people are just out there to either manipulate you in order to get something from you or simply to waste your time because they have nothing better to do.
No thanks. If I come across as a bitch for not allowing someone to waste my time, so be it.
 
Jet said:
Time is yours. If it's being wasted maybe you should reconsider how you are spending it.
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Sadly we often have little choice in the matter. If, for example, you apply for a job and the committee has already chosen their candidate but because of rules they need to advertise the job and interview three candidates (including the chosen one), aren't they wasting your time if they already know who they want? The fact is that I have little ability to decide whether my time is wasted in this scenario because I will not know ahead of time that I am only being interviewed in order to fulfill the rules of the procedure and not because I am about to get the job.
The fact of the matter is that in academia (my area), the committee knows who they will hire about 75% of the time. Fulfilling the interview quote is a waste of time both for the interviewers and the interviewees who get rejected before they even make it to the interview. I am sure other professions work in similar ways.
 
Artemisia said:
Sadly we often have little choice in the matter. If, for example, you apply for a job and the committee has already chosen their candidate but because of rules they need to advertise the job and interview three candidates (including the chosen one), aren't they wasting your time if they already know who they want? The fact is that I have little ability to decide whether my time is wasted in this scenario because I will not know ahead of time that I am only being interviewed in order to fulfill the rules of the procedure and not because I am about to get the job.
The fact of the matter is that in academia (my area), the committee knows who they will hire about 75% of the time. Fulfilling the interview quote is a waste of time both for the interviewers and the interviewees who get rejected before they even make it to the interview. I am sure other professions work in similar ways.
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If you use the opportunity to work on improving your interview skills it will not be a waste of time.

There can always be something of value gained for "wasted time" even if that something is "trivial" like having a moment to zone out and enjoy the crisp day while a random acquaintance is blabbing at you after passing on the street.
 
Jet said:
If you use the opportunity to work on improving your interview skills it will not be a waste of time.

There can always be something of value gained for "wasted time" even if that something is "trivial" like having a moment to zone out and enjoy the crisp day while a random acquaintance is blabbing at you after passing on the street.
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Have you ever interviewed for a position only to find out later down the road (after being turned down) that the committee already knew who they were going to hire BEFORE the interview? And you think improving interview skills in this case isn't a waste of time? I can tell you 100% that interview skills did not play into the hiring decision; you can be the most charming, best interviewee in the world and they have already made their choice prior to the interview (they may have good reasons for making that specific choice so it is not the fault of the people interviewed).

By the way, I am only giving this job interview thing as an example. I did not start this thread because I am bitter about not landing a job....I already have one.
 
Artemisia said:
I have noticed an interesting trend in my personality lately. Not only have I become more cynical and a defensive pessimist but I also seem irritated by anyone who wastes my time - and I don't mean in dating only.

I find myself being angry with telemarketers who waste minutes of my time asking me to verify things and how I am, blah blah. I also get irritated when I apply for a job and the recruiters don't get back to me or get back to me very late. Same with friends who take forever to reply to messages and calls and people who waste my time with boring stories of what their kids did etc.

In general my concept of time (I am 33) has taken precedence and I find that most things one has to deal with are BS. I don't do small talk and anything that gets in the way of my productivity or my goals for the future is a waste of time, I feel.

I wonder if this is an INFJ trait, a trait of people as they get older, or the trait of a bitter woman. Let's hear it.
Click to expand...
I experience this.

I have a different view on what irritates me: I get irritated/insulted that people might think I won't know that they're wasting my time. It is especially galling when I call them out, and they feign sincerity. Ie. It is the deception, together with the absolute lack of courtesy (or outright rejection of courtesy) that makes my anger flare up at time wasters.
 
Artemisia said:
Have you ever interviewed for a position only to find out later down the road (after being turned down) that the committee already knew who they were going to hire BEFORE the interview? And you think improving interview skills in this case isn't a waste of time? I can tell you 100% that interview skills did not play into the hiring decision; you can be the most charming, best interviewee in the world and they have already made their choice prior to the interview (they may have good reasons for making that specific choice so it is not the fault of the people interviewed).

By the way, I am only giving this job interview thing as an example. I did not start this thread because I am bitter about not landing a job....I already have one.
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What better way to improve your interview skills than in an actual interview? I've interviewed for many a job that, based on the wording of the advert, I knew was going to go to a specific individual ... I have even interviewed for jobs that I knew I would not take if offered to give me an opportunity to practice.

Why be bitter about anything? Doesn't that mean that you are wasting your own time on an emotion that serves to do next to nothing to advance you in life.
 
Artemisia said:
Have you ever interviewed for a position only to find out later down the road (after being turned down) that the committee already knew who they were going to hire BEFORE the interview? And you think improving interview skills in this case isn't a waste of time? I can tell you 100% that interview skills did not play into the hiring decision; you can be the most charming, best interviewee in the world and they have already made their choice prior to the interview (they may have good reasons for making that specific choice so it is not the fault of the people interviewed).

By the way, I am only giving this job interview thing as an example. I did not start this thread because I am bitter about not landing a job....I already have one.
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Can be wrong here, but I think what @Jet was getting at was how to make use of the situation, not how to land the job. Hate the system, by all means, but if they're being professional about the interview then that's at least some first hand experience.
 
Elis said:
Can be wrong here, but I think what @Jet was getting at was how to make use of the situation, not how to land the job. Hate the system, by all means, but if they're being professional about the interview then that's at least some first hand experience.
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This exactly!
 
Ironically that's how I feel about these threads.

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