I posted this on the INTJ forum but I would like an INFJ's perspective. I am an INTJ female & I have a 70% T preference. I made the guy I'm dating take the test. I had him pegged as an INFJ from the start. He tested INTJ with only a 1% T preference. When interactions between us or the environment are neutral, he appears as an INTJ. However he can turn "gooey" on a dime when interacting with me. Is it usual for an INTJ to be have short bursts of romantic gushiness? I've stopped being caught off guard but I know I unintentionally make him feel rejected at times. He has hinted that I never initiate phone calls, affection, etc.... I am making an effort because I do really like this guy but feel weird to "throw myself" at him so to speak. I always return the affection and usually answer the phone or return a text ASAP. I do not want to be insincere in my "courtship" but think that the dude likes to pursue the female--right? Should I continue to be my 70% thinking self or will he eventually feel rejected and look elsewhere for a "gooier" female. This dating thing is still weird for me despite being in my 30's--yikes. What is a mature male's INTJ's tendency to turn into F's, and for the INTJ female does your aloofness make the dude go running for the hills? Will this F-ness get "worse" or does anyone have advice on how I can become more "f'y"
INTJ's turning into INFJ's
- Thread starter oddi
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Hey, here are some helpful links to help you understand the theory of psychological type and cognitive functions.
http://www.personalitynation.com/analytical-psychology/1549-shifting-mbti-jcf-why.html
http://www.personalitynation.com/an...nt-five-common-functional-misconceptions.html
http://www.personalitynation.com/analytical-psychology/1549-shifting-mbti-jcf-why.html
http://www.personalitynation.com/an...nt-five-common-functional-misconceptions.html
I don't think you can really become more of an F type. You can try to develop extroverted feeling by being more accommodating with other peoples feelings (not that you're not already) but I don't see much of a point in trying to change your mbti type.
Yes. INTJs can be romantic and goofy but usually in private. The aloofness does tend to send suitors running for the hills. I actually like it that way. There are a few who think they've found some sort of puzzle to solve and they can be really difficult to be rid of. However, my powers are extensive and I'm yet to meet anyone I cannot convince to hate me, neutralize or become my slave. All of those are acceptable results in my book.
P.S.: No you don't become more of an F type. That does not change but like all types, INTJs included, are capable of a full range of emotions. INTJs just tend to have more private tendencies.
P.S.: No you don't become more of an F type. That does not change but like all types, INTJs included, are capable of a full range of emotions. INTJs just tend to have more private tendencies.
The F/T dichotomy when comparing INxJ is concerning the attitude -> extroversion/introversion of the Thinking and Feeling cognitive functions. Neither of these functions relates to emotion.
Well Fs tend to make more decisions based on emotions and feelings while Ts tend to use a more logical approach.
The sensing and intuition functions are more prone to be influenced by emotions and feelings. This is why Jung called these the 'irrational' functions and the Thinking/Feeling functions as 'rational'; the rational functions being judgement functions based upon what was seen before rather than choosing based upon what was available to them based upon current influences.
You usually see the emotions shine when a INxJ uses their Anima/Animas (Se) because they bring those emotionally influenced decisions into the external world; Ni doesn't like to do that unless it passes the Je parent sense check.
Everyone has the functions covered so I'mma take up a few other things. First off, I'm an INTJ with a sizable "F' as you describe it.
Makes sense. I can seem more like a stereotypical INTJ when I'm not around close friends or my girlfriend. I think it's usual for everyone to have short bursts of romantic gushiness, especially if they are a private individual. It only makes sense. We have all seen the people who broadcast their romantic gushiness in public and I think it's fair to say that a good 80% of people don't want to see it (and with 100% of statistics made up on the spot, that's pretty damn accurate!).
A mature male's INTJ tendency to turn into "F's" is his ability to be human. I think it's fair to say that most people are more kind and childlike when they're with their significant other. Even the most hard-ass of men typically mellow out around their wives or girlfriends. It's kind of anticipated. Will the F-ness get worse? He'll probably become more comfortable with you and want to take the relationship further, but that's not an F thing. That's a relationship thing. And on becoming more "f'y". Two step process for INTJs: Act on your feelings and stop thinking more than you need to
Makes sense. I can seem more like a stereotypical INTJ when I'm not around close friends or my girlfriend. I think it's usual for everyone to have short bursts of romantic gushiness, especially if they are a private individual. It only makes sense. We have all seen the people who broadcast their romantic gushiness in public and I think it's fair to say that a good 80% of people don't want to see it (and with 100% of statistics made up on the spot, that's pretty damn accurate!).
Don't think of it as throwing yourself at him, thinking of it as reciprocating in a relationship. At a certain point in a relationship, certain concepts about "courtship" are thrown out the window and the values and things that the two people need in a relationship suddenly come in like bugs. I believe that if he has already told you about his want of affection, you're pretty much set. Just do what he asks of you, within reason. It might not be natural but relationships cause us to compromise a bit. If you like him, you can compromise.
A mature male's INTJ tendency to turn into "F's" is his ability to be human. I think it's fair to say that most people are more kind and childlike when they're with their significant other. Even the most hard-ass of men typically mellow out around their wives or girlfriends. It's kind of anticipated. Will the F-ness get worse? He'll probably become more comfortable with you and want to take the relationship further, but that's not an F thing. That's a relationship thing. And on becoming more "f'y". Two step process for INTJs: Act on your feelings and stop thinking more than you need to
Good post. One amendment proposed. I think it's more like stop over-thinking so that you'll notice your feelings and have room to act on them.
Anyone is capable of "gushiness." Even INTJs.
But the INTJ I dated said way more gushy things than any feeling type I've dated.
In my limited experience, this is spot on.
You should conduct yourself however you feel comfortable conducting yourself. In time, if your feelings become deeper, your behavior may change. The quickest way to doom a relationship is to fake it.
As far as changing type: I don't think that happens. People can strengthen their preferences by learning and adapting new behaviors.. but fundamentally, the preferences remain. Just because he is crazy about you does not mean that he is turning into a feeling type. It just means he really likes you. Thinking types are capable of deep feelings.
[MENTION=4099]oddi[/MENTION] The best part about INTJs for me is that when they SAY the gushy stuff, I BELIEVE it! They put so much thought into it, and I have never had a doubt I was loved, especially since he is careful not to say it. I never believe I love you's, & I'm not a gifts person. He shows me in all the ways that are real. And knowing that he's not flying by the seat of his emotions feels safe to me. I can trust that. 
Careful or we may have to take you hostage for knowing too much @Flavus Aquila; Fe vs Fi?
I am guilty, as well, of not really initiating contact. I usually won't bother to contact someone with the premise that if they wanted to speak to me, they would. Logically, I can see that there is value in making someone feel like their attention is reciprocated. I have to work hard at being demonstrative in many ways. However, I am sentimental and enjoy showing affection but it is usually something I reserve for private. I would say that the most important thing would be to remain as you are. It doesn't make sense to change yourself for someone in any kind of drastic ways--otherwise do they care about you or who you pretend to be?
Ditto.
You must come to me. I will not come to you. I must admit that for me it is a test of sincerity. Once I trust you then I'll let my guard down and act more naturally. If I can, I will move worlds for those I care about. I have a great deal of patience with those I trust. However, if you repeatedly breach that trust there is a breaking point. I will become indifferent and quite likely never trust you again.
I love saying gushy stuff. I rarely do but, I will not gush unless I trust you and I hesitate to repeat gushy statements because repetition cheapens. However, if you need me to be more gushy, say so and I will turn it up a bit.
On the surface, INFJs and INTJs are identical.
He sounds like an INFJ, and yes if that is the case, then it would do your relationship much good if you could use more Fe and he could use more Fi when interacting and communicating. If he is in fact INFJ, then he will like for you to throw yourself at him, so to speak. You don't have to be mushy, but the point is to make him feel important or to show him that he is important to you.
Even if you are among the most logical of the INTJs, it really isn't hard to do or learn. You don't need to weep while you recite romantic poetry or anything. Just saying I love you and giving a kiss will probably make him melt.
He sounds like an INFJ, and yes if that is the case, then it would do your relationship much good if you could use more Fe and he could use more Fi when interacting and communicating. If he is in fact INFJ, then he will like for you to throw yourself at him, so to speak. You don't have to be mushy, but the point is to make him feel important or to show him that he is important to you.
Even if you are among the most logical of the INTJs, it really isn't hard to do or learn. You don't need to weep while you recite romantic poetry or anything. Just saying I love you and giving a kiss will probably make him melt.
