[INFJ] INTJ girl dating an INFJ guy - normal?

[mastro]

Hi I am new.

Can't be bothered to introduce myself. I met an INFJ (tested him, based on suspicion) a few things I would love to know more about and get cleared. Assuming the majority of you are INFJ's or have admirable knowledgeable about these types of people, you're insights would be very much appreciated it.

T vs F. I'ts obvious, at least for me. He is a big F, and I, T. He seems to be quite articulate with his thoughts and feelings, emotionally expressive and mature. Something I envy and admire, which drew me to him further. But here's something I am also noicing. Quite a few:

1. Holding grudges over silly things (how I perceive them) for example, I told him we need to take it slow because he was telling me that he wants to spend his life with me. And when we first met and continued on our firsyt date, he knew I was the 'one' also why he did not want to have sex with me on the first date. Anytime I reach in for a hug or a kiss, he says "No we can't do that. You said we have to take it slow," in a pouty way. Even though hte other night I thold him that I can ve very stupid in love and do or say things that I don't mean, or that I can be quite insensitive unintentionally. He won't seem to let it go and just 'be'.

2. He seems to need words of affirmation. That is his love language - something I also encouraged him to test on and I was correct with my assumption.

3. He can be touchy-feely for me. Especially in public. I don't really like PDA but he will want to do a lot of this in public. He wants to show me off to everyone, so he says.

4. Insecurity - doesn't believe or understand why I am with him. He is such a great guy and it's nice to be with someone who has a much more develop F. I can learn so much from him.

5. Did I mention how emotional/sensitive he is? For example, this guy was hitting on me and my INFJ found out and made such a big deal about it. Whereas in my mind I didn't see the big deal. It's not like I was attracted to the guy, because I wasn't and I handled the situation. But no, he was VERY upset and emotional about it. Anytime we have talks, where he gives me emotional vomit I can't help but sit there in silence, because I have absolutely no idea what to say.

He knows that I am quite cautious and I need 'time' to think about things. Which he gives me. There were times when he would throw all this emotional crap onto me things like "I love you, I want to spend my life with you etc." And I wouldn't know what to do with it, so I would go home and analyze the situation, come back and talk about it with him. This bothers him a bit.

Anyways is this normal for an INFJ? Also the fact that he asked me to bring him an article of my clothing, doused in my favorite perfume so that he could have it when I was not there with him at night. Is that another INFJ thing, because it kind of stifled me. There are times when I do feel a little insecure or have my doubts because I wish I could be just as open and emotionally expressive as he is with me. I do feel a lot for him though.

 

[acd]

Lol

 

[Radiantshadow]

Yes, it is normal. INJs are very similar in that both are global systemizers, but seemingly opposed in their methods. We structure ourselves with value systems reinforced with data, INTJs the reverse (generally speaking). You may wish to peruse the functional order of your and his type for a solid understanding of the typological dynamic between you; respectively, this is Ni-Te-Fi-Se and Ni-Fe-Ti-Se. I have dated an INTJ lass and, once we got past some communication differences, the alchemy was wonderful.

Some extensive typological resources you may find useful can be found here.

 

[moonlightam]

could be INFJ thing or could be just something called love haha

1. Its not as much of a grudge, but rather an expression of hurt. This "taking it slow" annoys the hell out of me too, I want it all, here and now, so its hard for me to understand what the hell are we supposed to wait for? Some divine epiphany? Blood-rain? I just genuinely dont understand and i am the same with figuring out my feelings quickly, I wish I ever met a man like that too.

2. I think everybody expects some sweet words time to time as a confirmation that they are still admired... No?

3. Yes, people in love generally enjoy expressing their feelings, in private or in public - if someone is uncomfortable with kissing me in public, I'll assume they are ashamed of me or something and just say "bye". For good.

4. and 5. That is the same thing really, if you can in some way show more love to him - he will start trusting you more and things will change. Cuz if you keep saying you want to take it slow, but want him to feel safe when some guy is hitting on you... ah, you might know what I mean. Its a bit contradictory. If my other half would be behaving this way, I'd seriously think he doesnt care about me.

 

[mastro]

could be INFJ thing or could be just something called love haha

1. Its not as much of a grudge, but rather an expression of hurt. This "taking it slow" annoys the hell out of me too, I want it all, here and now, so its hard for me to understand what the hell are we supposed to wait for? Some divine epiphany? Blood-rain? I just genuinely dont understand and i am the same with figuring out my feelings quickly, I wish I ever met a man like that too.

2. I think everybody expects some sweet words time to time as a confirmation that they are still admired... No?

3. Yes, people in love generally enjoy expressing their feelings, in private or in public - if someone is uncomfortable with kissing me in public, I'll assume they are ashamed of me or something and just say "bye". For good.

4. and 5. That is the same thing really, if you can in some way show more love to him - he will start trusting you more and things will change. Cuz if you keep saying you want to take it slow, but want him to feel safe when some guy is hitting on you... ah, you might know what I mean. Its a bit contradictory. If my other half would be behaving this way, I'd seriously think he doesnt care about me.

Haha yes you are right. I observe him a lot and I am beginning to pick up what he like so am not comfortable being emotionally expressive it for his sake I have begun to express myself and its making a huge difference. He really enjoys it and loves to hear that he is needed/appreciated.

What else do you INFJ's love/like?

 

[moonlightam]

Haha yes you are right. I observe him a lot and I am beginning to pick up what he like so am not comfortable being emotionally expressive it for his sake I have begun to express myself and its making a huge difference. He really enjoys it and loves to hear that he is needed/appreciated.

What else do you INFJ's love/like?

Receiving hugs for no reason whatsoever I guess the rest is very individual

 

[dirtrider146]

Your relationship sounds very similar to the one that my fiancée have. I am very much an INFJ and she is an INTJ. (side note my love language is quality time) I almost called her to make sure this wasn't her post, but I notice some differences after reading some of you points.

First off I will say that it took me 3 years to convince her to date me. we have been friends for about 5 years, after a few years I fell in love with her. She didn't seam to notice. Then i had to prove to her that it would be the end of the world if she dated someone. (She is very career oriented and felt like if she got married she would be expected to be "bare-foot and pregnant") But after sometime she realized that I was honest in that it wasn't my goal. I wan't her to do what ever she wants to do in her life. Nether of us are big on PDA but she will hold my hand and lightly kiss me in public.

We had to take it slow for both of our sanity. but since we had such a strong friendship by the time we started dating it didn't take her long to decided that she would be okay if she married me. (she even likes the idea now.) He should respect your feelings on PDA I don't think he should push you to do anything you are not conferrable doing.

I have been told that I am sensitive and can sometimes be "needy" especially when I'm sick, in a bad mood, or I'm struggling with understanding something. I try not to be, but the thing we both learned is that communication is necessary. You see because her responses to my comments or questions are blunt and to the point, I start to internalize my emotions and stop responding in fear of "getting my head bit off." Sometimes she won't discuss in fear of "hurting" me. Overtime we have gotten better about this. We still have problems when she wants to be "playful" and I take her seriously. This happened around some friends recently and because our personalty get short with each other, well our friends thought WW3 had started. about an hour later I had apologized and we went on like it didn't happen. Our friends didn't understand how it was so short lived. Apparently they didn't have time to get the popcorn ready.

Sometimes I feel she doesn't understand my needs, but over time I have learned that she just doesn't verbalize her affections for me. What helped me was realizing all the things he has done for me, and some time cuddling and watching TV. Since guilty time is my love language it works, but since in your case words of affirmation are needed, it will be a bit more difficult because most INTJs have a hard time understanding emotions in general, and it sounds like in your case not only do you need to understand them you need to express them.