Hi there, can anyone give me advice on how to date an ESTP male? I met him on-line. While I like his spontaneity I feel that I can't seem to get anything concrete from him in terms of when I see him next, or even around our discussion on exclusivity and taking our profiles down. Despite the fact that he has told me on several occasions he wants to date only me and be exclusive with me, his profile is still on line and that bothers me. Also we have had several conversations on this topic and his profile is still up? I just don't get it? What am I not seeing here? The other bits that bother me is the fact that a lot of our discussion is conducted thru text or email. It's really difficult to find the time to talk to him (granted, he is going thru a divorce and one of his children lives with him). Am I not being understanding enough or am I missing something. PS we have dated for 2 months, the first month was great, but I have rarely seen him in the 2nd month.
INTJ female dating ESTP male HELP !
- Thread starter intjgal
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I have been married to an ESTP for 21 years. Although I care very much for him it has been a very challenging relationship. He needs his freedom. He hates to have to check in or let me know when he will be home. He just can't help it. It's just something that is very important for him. When he had an accident and was stuck in the house for a month laid-up he just about went crazy. It wasn't pretty. That was a while ago and he still hasn't recovered mentally from that time in his life.
I would just tell you that being with an estp can be very entertaining but you can't expect them to conform to what others want from them. They do what they want and they don't think about the consequences.
I will tell you that I have decided that as soon as I get some stuff taken care of I will likely be going off on my own. It's been quite the ride, but I'm tired, and I need to be able to plan for the future which he seems incapable of doing.
I would just tell you that being with an estp can be very entertaining but you can't expect them to conform to what others want from them. They do what they want and they don't think about the consequences.
I will tell you that I have decided that as soon as I get some stuff taken care of I will likely be going off on my own. It's been quite the ride, but I'm tired, and I need to be able to plan for the future which he seems incapable of doing.
I'm very sorry to hear that La Sagna.
INTJgal, I have a roommate who is inflicted with the ESTP personality type.
ESTP's are rather self-centered. There is an element of self-sacrifice to them that if they care about you, they will try to patch things up - as logically and quickly and possibly insincerely as possible (assuming sincerity is dependent on sustained commitment to make a change). It's more of a "Hey, I knew you were mad so I bought something from the store for you. All's forgiven? Great. Your forgiveness is a license to let me do exactly what I did that pissed you off in the first place again. What? I thought you were over it!" Apologies are means to make you ok with the things that irritate you about them, not an attempt to accommodate you. They don't change their behavior, you change your opinion or get out.
You can talk to an ESTJ and get somewhere with them. They'll try to honor your feelings, even if they don't understand. ESTP's demand that you honor their quirks, their emotions, their bad habits, but will lecture you about yours, and demand you tread on ice around their whims. They do not understand emotional communication/economy, and as such do not value it - which is how they can be so brazen about their needs, and oblivious to yours. To them, emotions just appear and need to be satisfied right away. They simply "feel" and "pursue" their own emotions without reflection or consideration. They lack both the F's inability to let emotional attachments go, and the J's ability to see something through to its logical, or contractual end. There's no sustaining motivation for commitment unless they're mature.
An ESTP who hasn't gotten over themselves isn't interested in a committed relationship unless you are constantly amusing to them, but I would never want to simply be the amusement in the relationship. That damning sentence written, it's also perfectly in line with an ESTP to just not take down their profile because they lack the will power to press a few buttons. It's a chore, and they're going to avoid it at all cost. If he's told you he wants to date only you, and has agreed to take down the profile, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's just too capricious.
This guy is going through a divorce, I would consider why that's happening before I'd consider anything more. As a guy though, I'll tell you he's going to be a challenge and hard to stay with if you are already having the need to go deep in conversations with him. ESTP's hate deep.
INTJgal, I have a roommate who is inflicted with the ESTP personality type.
ESTP's are rather self-centered. There is an element of self-sacrifice to them that if they care about you, they will try to patch things up - as logically and quickly and possibly insincerely as possible (assuming sincerity is dependent on sustained commitment to make a change). It's more of a "Hey, I knew you were mad so I bought something from the store for you. All's forgiven? Great. Your forgiveness is a license to let me do exactly what I did that pissed you off in the first place again. What? I thought you were over it!" Apologies are means to make you ok with the things that irritate you about them, not an attempt to accommodate you. They don't change their behavior, you change your opinion or get out.
You can talk to an ESTJ and get somewhere with them. They'll try to honor your feelings, even if they don't understand. ESTP's demand that you honor their quirks, their emotions, their bad habits, but will lecture you about yours, and demand you tread on ice around their whims. They do not understand emotional communication/economy, and as such do not value it - which is how they can be so brazen about their needs, and oblivious to yours. To them, emotions just appear and need to be satisfied right away. They simply "feel" and "pursue" their own emotions without reflection or consideration. They lack both the F's inability to let emotional attachments go, and the J's ability to see something through to its logical, or contractual end. There's no sustaining motivation for commitment unless they're mature.
An ESTP who hasn't gotten over themselves isn't interested in a committed relationship unless you are constantly amusing to them, but I would never want to simply be the amusement in the relationship. That damning sentence written, it's also perfectly in line with an ESTP to just not take down their profile because they lack the will power to press a few buttons. It's a chore, and they're going to avoid it at all cost. If he's told you he wants to date only you, and has agreed to take down the profile, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's just too capricious.
This guy is going through a divorce, I would consider why that's happening before I'd consider anything more. As a guy though, I'll tell you he's going to be a challenge and hard to stay with if you are already having the need to go deep in conversations with him. ESTP's hate deep.
Wow, do you ever have my husband pegged with that.
He has very little empathy. His fun is manipulating people, so he takes great pleasure in getting away with stuff. It's a game to him. He will claim to be self-sacrificing but what he blows up into being this huge sacrifice on his part is just what most people would consider simple decency. He's also admitted to starting arguments just because he's bored and it entertains him. He thinks that's funny. People are only worth his time if they are entertaining or he can use them somehow to entertain himself. It can be fun when it's good but real life ups and downs are hard to deal with somebody like that around.