My boyfriend of almost two years (INTJ) and I (INFP) broke up a few days ago. Our relationship has always been very solid, we have a lot of fun together, love each other very much, and have never really fought before a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago, he started getting very moody. While he has always been critical and sometimes rude, over the last few weeks, he started to get mean...telling me to shut up, criticizing things that are important to me, and acting controlling. We've always had issues communicating, as talking about serious subjects make him feel "awkward" and he gets highly defensive. I probably should mention that he is 35yo and this is his first relationship. I was married for almost 18 years, but since I am an INFP, I am very understanding of his lack of experience in this area.
Anyway, we had a fight a few weeks ago when he texted me and asked me what I was doing. I responded with what I was doing, but as always, my response wasn't thorough enough for him. He actually wanted to know what I had been doing for the last several hours, not what I was currently doing. I went to his house, we discussed things, got in an argument over semantics, and I left an emotional wreck. We talked about things the next night, I basically acquiesced to him as always, and we moved on. However, I had not forgotten. We took a trip together last weekend, and he was moody and didn't talk to me the entire way home (5 hours). There was no reason. The emotional part of me as felt that he simply doesn't love me anymore. The other night we got in another fight over something petty and he told me to shut the **** up. I drove to his house and broke up with him. He was dumbfounded and kept saying, "You can't be serious," but he didn't try to stop me. I left and he texted me making light of the breakup story he now has to tell. We haven't spoken since (two days)
I have since been thinking about the good things about our relationship, and I feel that perhaps my Fe got the best of me. However, I don't want him to think it is okay for him to talk to me that way and that I will put up with it. In short, if he were to apologize (it's not in his nature) and agree to see a counselor, I think our relationship may be worth fighting for.
In your experience, is there a chance that he will contact me? I hesitate to contact him as I don't want him to think I'm weak (he will) and will put up with crap.
Is verbal sparring a trait of an INTJ? Can he change? Is it normal for an INTJ to not take ownership for their part in relationship issues?
Anyway, we had a fight a few weeks ago when he texted me and asked me what I was doing. I responded with what I was doing, but as always, my response wasn't thorough enough for him. He actually wanted to know what I had been doing for the last several hours, not what I was currently doing. I went to his house, we discussed things, got in an argument over semantics, and I left an emotional wreck. We talked about things the next night, I basically acquiesced to him as always, and we moved on. However, I had not forgotten. We took a trip together last weekend, and he was moody and didn't talk to me the entire way home (5 hours). There was no reason. The emotional part of me as felt that he simply doesn't love me anymore. The other night we got in another fight over something petty and he told me to shut the **** up. I drove to his house and broke up with him. He was dumbfounded and kept saying, "You can't be serious," but he didn't try to stop me. I left and he texted me making light of the breakup story he now has to tell. We haven't spoken since (two days)
I have since been thinking about the good things about our relationship, and I feel that perhaps my Fe got the best of me. However, I don't want him to think it is okay for him to talk to me that way and that I will put up with it. In short, if he were to apologize (it's not in his nature) and agree to see a counselor, I think our relationship may be worth fighting for.
In your experience, is there a chance that he will contact me? I hesitate to contact him as I don't want him to think I'm weak (he will) and will put up with crap.
Is verbal sparring a trait of an INTJ? Can he change? Is it normal for an INTJ to not take ownership for their part in relationship issues?
