INFJ - perpetual loner?

[Elnaz]

wow, just reading this topic made me calm.

It's been kind of the same as explained for a couple of years for me. Except for the friendship thing. It is a bit different between me and my friend.

Although I believe I could really use a deep friendship in my life right now, but I also know these things can't be rushed.
But then again I get impatient sometimes and think it never may happen.

Anyway, between me and my friend, it hurt me a lot at first, but overtime I just decided to accept the fact she has a different life now and it would be better for me if i search satisfaction among other things and other people. And I hope to find it.

 

[Eventhorizon]

It may be childish but if so it's subconscious. Every time I look at this thread title I see " Infj - perpetual l3oner."

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

lol infj perpetual boner

 

[t56hg2bv]

So I have been feeling very lonely for awhile now. Which of course isn't a new feeling for an INFJ but I'm in sort of a funk right now friendship wise. My husband is an ISTJ and our relationship is odd but works. A lot of times, I seem to be annoyed with his mannerisms but I also value his strengths. His loyalty, his work ethic, his rationality, etc. I think a lot of my annoyance comes from not having another outlet for my emotions and thoughts.

I've had a best friend for 14 years. We've known each other since high school. When we were in high school together, we seemed to be two in the same person. We were inseparable and seemed like long lost soulmates. Starting at around age 18 (4 years into friendship), she got into a relationship and I started noticing traits about her that I didn't find myself aligning with. I had brushed them off for the most part but it seems like every year we've been friends, more and more distance separates me from her mentally and emotionally. She, on the other hand, still thinks of me as her soulmate and as she said "the most important person in her life". Trust me when I say actions speak louder than words, because she definitely does not treat me how she expresses to feel.

She took the MBTI test and got INFJ. Well, I took the test too and also got INFJ. This made sense to me because I figured we'd been best friends for a reason. As time went on and I got more into typing, I joined another forum and narrowed down on functions and took some questionnaires and really solidified my personality as INFJ. As I started interacting with other types though, I noticed that my best friend was NOT INFJ. Our behaviors are starkly different. Our reactions to think are different. And the biggest one, is that she is not intuitive AT ALL. She is a total sensor. So I had mentioned that maybe she should retake the test. She became re-interested in typing after she heard about my forum shenanigans. She got INFJ, again. I knew this was inaccurate because she makes the worst decisions. She tries to follow her gut and it just doesn't work. She has been bad relationship after bad relationship, cannot read people at all, has moved around to different places because she says she's following her gut and then it ends up being a disaster. I don't know, my gut has never led me wrong, so that always frustrated me.

I finally told her that I didn't think she was an INFJ, but actually an ISTJ. I have plenty of experience with my husband and though they're not really alike per se, their interactions and understanding of their environment are the same. She was denying up and down that she was ISTJ and I was like "Ok, maybe I'm wrong." She finally wanted to do a questionnaire on the forum I had been interacting on to prove that she was INFJ. Well...EVERYONE said ISTJ. Even after that, she was in denial and kept saying "I think I have a lot of INFJ qualities". Either way, the point of this long winded explanation is that I feel like I have no one who understands me. I feel like I'm constantly sulking and overthinking my life and the choices I've made. This person who has been my "best" friend for 14 years couldn't be further away from me emotionally and she seems completely fulfilled by our friendship and I'm left feeling drained and misunderstood.

Has anyone felt like this? What have you done? I am on an antidepressant currently (low dose) and though I have some days where I feel like I can take a deep breath and make it through the day, there's other days (like today) where I want to run away in search of more meaningful life experiences. I know that my depression is coming from my lack of deep connection with another human. My husband tells me that he is so happy with me, my best friend tells me she is so happy with me, but why I am so alone?

To start, thank you for sharing; I know it can be difficult to be vulnerable about things that are so internalized and emotional.

If you've been friends for that long it seems pointless to push her away. Maybe just put it on the back burner while you meet some other people.

As for her typing, maybe it's wrong (maybe not). I don't see why she would want to lie about it other than the unique 1% status. Regardless, the typing is for a persons own benefit so they can grow. Like her for who she is and forget about the type. If you've been friends this long there has to be a reason for it. Perhaps some connections with other people would give you more perspective and then make things better with your friend when you share those experiences.

When it comes to making relationship decisions a persons past traumas and parental relationships can really skew our judgement. She may be making bad choices but I wouldn't say that necessarily reflects on her temperament. It is possible to be INFJ and still make terrible, stupid, sometimes outlandishly childish choices.

I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely. I too have those feelings regularly. It is the nature of who we are. My best advice would be to fight that introversion and be more active. It's a great big world out there and there are plenty of people to meet and things to do. I know you can find a niche or two that makes you feel better. Be diligent, stay focused and smile at the little things as often as you can see the beauty.

 

[t56hg2bv]

I should give an update on my "best friend" for anyone who cares to know. But this past weekend was my husband's birthday luncheon and also my daughter's 1st birthday fell on Mother's Day. I had invited this "best friend" of 14 years who has known me before my husband, was my maid of honor and someone who I expected would be like an aunt to my children one day.

Well, she came into town with her new boyfriend on Saturday and showed up 2 hours late to my husband's birthday lunch. We literally were wrapping up and paying the bill when she strolled in. Then, afterwards, she was basically treating me as though I didn't have a child and out of town guests because she wanted me to run around town with her and her BF to show him all the touristy things. First of all, if she wants to show off the touristy things, then move here. (She lives 2 hours away). She was texting me complaining about restaurant waits and traffic because I needed to go home and put my daughter to bed before I could go do stuff with her. She then proceeds to get impatient and basically say that her BF needs to go home and spend Mother's Day with his mom and it would be too much for him to come back and pick her up the next day. They drove in the same car. Why? I don't know. So she decided to go back home with him and miss my daughter's 1st birthday because of a guy she's been dating for 3 months. And is already living with. This is exactly the pattern of all of her previous relationships. This woman has always put men ahead of everything and everyone. Especially me. I'm so tired of being there for her at every turn, every monumental moment in her life and she can't do the same for me. She missed my baby shower. She came a month after my daughter was born to meet her. I think this weekend finalized what I knew was inevitable. I am going to distance myself from this person. Once I do this, I will have no one but my husband and my daughter. But I'm ok with that. When I originally wrote this post, I was feeling especially lonely and desperate for friendship but at the moment, I feel like Friends are the last thing I should care about. I want to take the time to invest more effort in loving and accepting myself and also being the most present mother and wife I can be. I have sacrificed time with my family for this person. I feel like such a fool.

It sounds like your friend has been selfish about several things. I hope you have told her how she upset you when it happened. Often times INFJs want to be nice, and believe it will be obvious that other people will see what we are seeing. If she is hurting you with her actions then you should tell her. If you have told her, what was her response?

I will throw out one other thing that may be driving some of this resentment because I've seen it in friends and experienced myself. Do you think you may be upset because there is so much of your life that is being restricted because of marriage and a baby and you resent her because she is going and doing things spontaneously and without any restrictions? I do believe that is a natural response and emotion under the circumstances.

 

[kfg(atj]

It sounds like your friend has been selfish about several things. I hope you have told her how she upset you when it happened. Often times INFJs want to be nice, and believe it will be obvious that other people will see what we are seeing. If she is hurting you with her actions then you should tell her. If you have told her, what was her response?

I will throw out one other thing that may be driving some of this resentment because I've seen it in friends and experienced myself. Do you think you may be upset because there is so much of your life that is being restricted because of marriage and a baby and you resent her because she is going and doing things spontaneously and without any restrictions? I do believe that is a natural response and emotion under the circumstances.

Thank you for your response and insight. I don't think I feel any resentment for having a family. I have never been restricted by having a husband or even now with a child. I took my daughter to Disney World when she was 6 months old because I wanted to go. My daughter has traveled a lot with me in her only one year of life and I want her experiences to be vast.

With that said, my friend is the one who has allowed men to hold her down and keep her from living freely. When she was in an abusive relationship for 6 years, I was only allowed to talk to her on the phone on her drive home from work. Or if she came to visit me, she'd have to call and check in with him constantly. And now, with this new relationship, like I mentioned earlier, she couldn't even drive separately to my daughter's birthday and therefore missed her birthday because of her boyfriend. So I think that resentment could be quite the contrary to what was suggested. I have responsibilities with a husband and child and that has never held me back. Though with her, she is a slave to unhealthy relationship attachments in my opinion. I resent her for not living up to her fullest potential. That's where my anger comes from. I see that's capable of living a better life and it's frustrating to watch someone be ok with not even mediocrity, but sheer carelessness. I don't admire anything about her life admittedly. She has said to me many times she wished she was married with kids but she doesn't do anything that progress that wish. She says she wishes she could own her business like me, I've tried to help her in establishing herself as an entrepreneur and she doesn't follow through. This is someone who has in a lot of ways felt like an anchor to me.

I do fear that my constant frustration has overshadowed any real positive characteristics she has. When I think about the things she is good at, I am reminded of the things she is bad at. For instance, she is a hard worker. But I've noticed that she is so scared of failure, that will purposely work jobs beneath her or date men beneath her potential in order to appear like a "hard worker" or "committed selfless girlfriend". It'd be like an athlete who dominates the minor league but is comfortable there because they might not dominate the major league, if that makes sense. She doesn't want challenges or else she quits. She went to the police academy (totally bad career move but she didn't listen to me as usual) and quit after 2 weeks because she was last in the physical training portion of the course.

She text me recently and said "I think I'm gonna go back to school and be a teacher" - she is a hothead and doesn't like people btw - and I said "are you passionate about that?" And she said "well, I'd have job stability and maybe even retirement or pension" and I said "teaching is a very selfless and serious job because it impacts people's lives and so you should really be choosing something based on what you feel passionate about or you're going to be resentful of your choice when it's driven by monetary factors alone."

She wanted to then argue her case to me on why she wanted to do it. That's her though. She will tell me things or ask for my advice but then argue why she's not wrong about something. Our friendship has become superficial. In order to maintain tranquility in the friendship, I have to tell her what she wants to hear, not what she needs to hear. Is it just me or does that sound like a friendship no longer pursuing?

 

[t56hg2bv]

Well, I can say that I've always believed that having a relationship with another INFJ would be difficult for me because I felt like it would induce a downward spiral of depth with each pinging off the other.

Now, that doesn't mean it's not possible, I just thought it would be very difficult. Personally I need people who are more sensory and that helps me better experience the world and in turn I give them intuition and insight to what is happening around them. Very symbiotic.

When I think of your friend, it sounds like she has had some trauma in her past that is debilitating. If she accepts relationships and opportunities that are beneath her then she probably feels like she's not good enough. This is most common for woman who have had an abusive or absent father. It also happens with men in similar ways but I was addressing the female side because your friend is female (obviously).

Can she brake these patterns, I don't know. Her best bet would be therapy to talk about why she makes these choices and then commit to changing the behavior that induces the results (can be hard and painful).

As for your relationship with her, it is obviously a choice you will have to evaluate and decide. You obviously need some changes from her and it sound like she needs some changes in herself. A good friend would help her see the behavior pattern and then be supportive as she was going through the changes (as it will be difficult if it is in fact what I have suggested). At the same time, you can't let her behavior impact your other relationships. Your husband and child must come first and she has to be respectful when it comes to those relationships (IMO). If you choose to have a relationship with her you have to set those boundaries by communicating them specifically. If you've done that already and she continues to violate those boundaries then you have every reason to distance yourself from that unhealthy behavior.

Just keep in mind that cutting a relationship with her will likely reaffirm her feelings of not being good enough and could result in some very self destructive behavior. This is repetition compulsion at its worst and can be extremely destructive for an INFJ when they loose a significant part of there emotional support structure. I'm not suggesting that you have a responsibility to allow someone to violate your boundaries because of a potentially serious problem someone else has but I do think it is important to know the potential outcomes and proceed with caution.

I'm sorry you've had some difficulties with your friend and I hope things go well for both of you.

 

[just me]

God has always been there for me. An atheist once called God an imaginary friend. He is not like having human contact or touch, but He helped me through life by always being there. I may never be alone, but still feel lonely a lot.

We all have friends that do not fit into our scheme of things, and few last a long time that do not. My best friend many decades ago did drugs, like many others. He never put them down. He had an abusive nature and wanted to be high to deal with life. He enjoyed it that way, but I often wonder if there was some dark, lonely part of him he was hiding from. Maybe a reality he chose not to face. He died because of all that at an early age with a destroyed liver. I shall always miss him. I think we should cherish a good friend. They are special to our survival and happiness. If they wish to live a certain way against our approval, let them live that way. Try to help them. If they cannot be helped, sometimes we should just be there for them. If it starts costing us in ways we cannot deal with, hug them and move on? I say it depends on the person and the situation.

It's true we often end up with a mess in our hand when we offer one. I'm thankful for those who did not turn and run on me.

 

[dang]

Maybe you feel you could have something better, but you can't acknowledge it because it would betray those who are loyal to you.

Nailed it.

 

[dang]

Thank you for your response and insight. I don't think I feel any resentment for having a family. I have never been restricted by having a husband or even now with a child. I took my daughter to Disney World when she was 6 months old because I wanted to go. My daughter has traveled a lot with me in her only one year of life and I want her experiences to be vast.

With that said, my friend is the one who has allowed men to hold her down and keep her from living freely. When she was in an abusive relationship for 6 years, I was only allowed to talk to her on the phone on her drive home from work. Or if she came to visit me, she'd have to call and check in with him constantly. And now, with this new relationship, like I mentioned earlier, she couldn't even drive separately to my daughter's birthday and therefore missed her birthday because of her boyfriend. So I think that resentment could be quite the contrary to what was suggested. I have responsibilities with a husband and child and that has never held me back. Though with her, she is a slave to unhealthy relationship attachments in my opinion. I resent her for not living up to her fullest potential. That's where my anger comes from. I see that's capable of living a better life and it's frustrating to watch someone be ok with not even mediocrity, but sheer carelessness. I don't admire anything about her life admittedly. She has said to me many times she wished she was married with kids but she doesn't do anything that progress that wish. She says she wishes she could own her business like me, I've tried to help her in establishing herself as an entrepreneur and she doesn't follow through. This is someone who has in a lot of ways felt like an anchor to me.

I do fear that my constant frustration has overshadowed any real positive characteristics she has. When I think about the things she is good at, I am reminded of the things she is bad at. For instance, she is a hard worker. But I've noticed that she is so scared of failure, that will purposely work jobs beneath her or date men beneath her potential in order to appear like a "hard worker" or "committed selfless girlfriend". It'd be like an athlete who dominates the minor league but is comfortable there because they might not dominate the major league, if that makes sense. She doesn't want challenges or else she quits. She went to the police academy (totally bad career move but she didn't listen to me as usual) and quit after 2 weeks because she was last in the physical training portion of the course.

She text me recently and said "I think I'm gonna go back to school and be a teacher" - she is a hothead and doesn't like people btw - and I said "are you passionate about that?" And she said "well, I'd have job stability and maybe even retirement or pension" and I said "teaching is a very selfless and serious job because it impacts people's lives and so you should really be choosing something based on what you feel passionate about or you're going to be resentful of your choice when it's driven by monetary factors alone."

She wanted to then argue her case to me on why she wanted to do it. That's her though. She will tell me things or ask for my advice but then argue why she's not wrong about something. Our friendship has become superficial. In order to maintain tranquility in the friendship, I have to tell her what she wants to hear, not what she needs to hear. Is it just me or does that sound like a friendship no longer pursuing?

If it were me, time for a classic INFJ door slam. You have outgrown her. She is lost. Cut the cord and move on. You can do better. You are too patient and tolerant. You seem to give people the benefit of the doubt often. With your former friend in this thread, and with your husband in the other thread about divorce. Why do you place the needs of others ahead of your own? Is it a trend from early in your life? I used to put up with a lot with my ex and with my former best friend. I have learned that you can't save people and you can't fix damaged relationships. You have to do what feels right. Being an INFJ typically means you are strongly effected by everyone in your life. So if someone is a drain, don't accept it. If this girl doesn't respect you, why does she deserve you as a friend? The answer is she doesn't. This is all easier said than done. You need to focus on quality over quantity in relationships. Otherwise you will be dissatisfied. Fuck that bitch. You gave her a chance. She blew it. Now hold her accountable so she can grow up. She isn't your child or sister. Out with the old, in with the new. You can do better. And you will. There are plenty of mothers around that you will be able to relate to. Good luck.

 

[t56hg2bv]

God has always been there for me. An atheist once called God an imaginary friend. He is not like having human contact or touch, but He helped me through life by always being there. I may never be alone, but still feel lonely a lot.

We all have friends that do not fit into our scheme of things, and few last a long time that do not. My best friend many decades ago did drugs, like many others. He never put them down. He had an abusive nature and wanted to be high to deal with life. He enjoyed it that way, but I often wonder if there was some dark, lonely part of him he was hiding from. Maybe a reality he chose not to face. He died because of all that at an early age with a destroyed liver. I shall always miss him. I think we should cherish a good friend. They are special to our survival and happiness. If they wish to live a certain way against our approval, let them live that way. Try to help them. If they cannot be helped, sometimes we should just be there for them. If it starts costing us in ways we cannot deal with, hug them and move on? I say it depends on the person and the situation.

It's true we often end up with a mess in our hand when we offer one. I'm thankful for those who did not turn and run on me.

I'm sorry about your friend. If only we could save the world. Like many other INFJs, I don't think I'm alone in saying that it is very difficult to see people progress / regress, know where it is leading, and not have the ability to help them change a self destructive outcome. That part of me makes me resent God a little. Reminds me of this song.

 

[Mysticablue Lotus]

So I have been feeling very lonely for awhile now. Which of course isn't a new feeling for an INFJ but I'm in sort of a funk right now friendship wise. My husband is an ISTJ and our relationship is odd but works. A lot of times, I seem to be annoyed with his mannerisms but I also value his strengths. His loyalty, his work ethic, his rationality, etc. I think a lot of my annoyance comes from not having another outlet for my emotions and thoughts.

I've had a best friend for 14 years. We've known each other since high school. When we were in high school together, we seemed to be two in the same person. We were inseparable and seemed like long lost soulmates. Starting at around age 18 (4 years into friendship), she got into a relationship and I started noticing traits about her that I didn't find myself aligning with. I had brushed them off for the most part but it seems like every year we've been friends, more and more distance separates me from her mentally and emotionally. She, on the other hand, still thinks of me as her soulmate and as she said "the most important person in her life". Trust me when I say actions speak louder than words, because she definitely does not treat me how she expresses to feel.

She took the MBTI test and got INFJ. Well, I took the test too and also got INFJ. This made sense to me because I figured we'd been best friends for a reason. As time went on and I got more into typing, I joined another forum and narrowed down on functions and took some questionnaires and really solidified my personality as INFJ. As I started interacting with other types though, I noticed that my best friend was NOT INFJ. Our behaviors are starkly different. Our reactions to think are different. And the biggest one, is that she is not intuitive AT ALL. She is a total sensor. So I had mentioned that maybe she should retake the test. She became re-interested in typing after she heard about my forum shenanigans. She got INFJ, again. I knew this was inaccurate because she makes the worst decisions. She tries to follow her gut and it just doesn't work. She has been bad relationship after bad relationship, cannot read people at all, has moved around to different places because she says she's following her gut and then it ends up being a disaster. I don't know, my gut has never led me wrong, so that always frustrated me.

I finally told her that I didn't think she was an INFJ, but actually an ISTJ. I have plenty of experience with my husband and though they're not really alike per se, their interactions and understanding of their environment are the same. She was denying up and down that she was ISTJ and I was like "Ok, maybe I'm wrong." She finally wanted to do a questionnaire on the forum I had been interacting on to prove that she was INFJ. Well...EVERYONE said ISTJ. Even after that, she was in denial and kept saying "I think I have a lot of INFJ qualities". Either way, the point of this long winded explanation is that I feel like I have no one who understands me. I feel like I'm constantly sulking and overthinking my life and the choices I've made. This person who has been my "best" friend for 14 years couldn't be further away from me emotionally and she seems completely fulfilled by our friendship and I'm left feeling drained and misunderstood.

Has anyone felt like this? What have you done? I am on an antidepressant currently (low dose) and though I have some days where I feel like I can take a deep breath and make it through the day, there's other days (like today) where I want to run away in search of more meaningful life experiences. I know that my depression is coming from my lack of deep connection with another human. My husband tells me that he is so happy with me, my best friend tells me she is so happy with me, but why I am so alone?

 

[just me]

The first fifteen seconds of that song remind me of the loner's world. They have a distinct part in the scheme of things, but most people do not have a clue what is coming or where it is heading. After a few more musical instruments in tune and timing join in, we have a song. It becomes obvious to us. Then the words so many people never listen to come. Some of us must know for ourselves. Some must try.

Why do we have to find blame in things so often? We live our lives, trying to reach that goal to ease the pain, but we cannot attain to it. We have become one trying to attain holiness? Perfection? The ones that cheat and steal are payed well, but what of those that seek righteousness? We are told some one has paid the price for us, but some of us just must find out for ourselves. We watch our lives go down the drain. We writhe in pain. This is why I praise God, as His wisdom and understanding are poured out upon those that seek it. The thief and the uncaring will never know.

I might add, finding her is painful. The loner must take the time to listen.

 

[t56hg2bv]

Yep, I like that song. It's a reminder that INFJs have to love their self or they can't love anyone. We deserve to be happy and enjoy life, many of us just don't think we deserve it (consciously or unconsciously) and aren't suppose to enjoy or be happy SO we self sabatoge and the happiness is always out of reach.

 

[infinite dreams]

Yep, I like that song. It's a reminder that INFJs have to love their self or they can't love anyone. We deserve to be happy and enjoy life, many of us just don't think we deserve it (consciously or unconsciously) and aren't suppose to enjoy or be happy SO we self sabatoge and the happiness is always out of reach.

Good post. I will add that loving oneself and believing that you deserve a happy life is not at all restricted to INFJs. I really believe it applies to all types of people.

 

[Morawi]

Hi @selcouth

Typing takes introspection, humility, and a big dose of reality to view oneself accurately. If you perceive yourself as having certain qualities you may not have, you're more likely to mistype. So, your friend either sees herself as having, or wants to have certain qualities, so she is mistyping as INFJ.

I understand that... hollowness... but I'm comfortable with feeling like nobody gets me. I do crave connection, but I don't feel lonely or sad that it is so hard to find a connection. You may need to work at getting to this point. Learn to see the beauty of it. Try to accept friendships at face value, and find an outlet for thoughts and feelings you have trouble expressing to others.

Jacque Lacan wrote a bit about how everyone feels this way... how nobody sees who we really are on the inside and it causes a certain kind of loneliness and dissatisfaction with relationships. It may be worth it to study Lacan.

I totally agree. I have NEVER felt lonely. I really don't think I could be! The ideas, thoughts, and situations in my head prevents it! I don't AT ALL mind my alone time. I may be alone in the "connections" department, but, I'm not lonely. I'm cool with it.

 

[Morawi]

Spot on

If it were me, time for a classic INFJ door slam. You have outgrown her. She is lost. Cut the cord and move on. You can do better. You are too patient and tolerant. You seem to give people the benefit of the doubt often. With your former friend in this thread, and with your husband in the other thread about divorce. Why do you place the needs of others ahead of your own? Is it a trend from early in your life? I used to put up with a lot with my ex and with my former best friend. I have learned that you can't save people and you can't fix damaged relationships. You have to do what feels right. Being an INFJ typically means you are strongly effected by everyone in your life. So if someone is a drain, don't accept it. If this girl doesn't respect you, why does she deserve you as a friend? The answer is she doesn't. This is all easier said than done. You need to focus on quality over quantity in relationships. Otherwise you will be dissatisfied. Fuck that bitch. You gave her a chance. She blew it. Now hold her accountable so she can grow up. She isn't your child or sister. Out with the old, in with the new. You can do better. And you will. There are plenty of mothers around that you will be able to relate to. Good luck.

Spot on. I used to place others' needs ahead of my own but not anymore. I took the biggest reality check pill that I could find, I grew up. It's all about me, now. Relationships are reciprocating, otherwise, they just don't work. I have cut or 'lessened their appearance' of so many people out of my life over the past year, including my "best friend" of 34 years. It was time. I am still cordial but, I do not give it much energy at all. It is SO LIBERATING finding out who you are and being brave enough to live out loud. #MiddleFingersInTheAir! Not literally but, you get it!

 

[kfg(atj]

Spot on

Spot on. I used to place others' needs ahead of my own but not anymore. I took the biggest reality check pill that I could find, I grew up. It's all about me, now. Relationships are reciprocating, otherwise, they just don't work. I have cut or 'lessened their appearance' of so many people out of my life over the past year, including my "best friend" of 34 years. It was time. I am still cordial but, I do not give it much energy at all. It is SO LIBERATING finding out who you are and being brave enough to live out loud. #MiddleFingersInTheAir! Not literally but, you get it!

Good for you! I'm starting to care less about the needs of others until I care for myself first. After all, we can't properly love or care for others if we don't love or care for ourselves. This past week of my life, some new experiences have been a huge awakening experience for me. I realize that I'm one of the only people intentionally putting myself in the backseat or on the back burner and that alone is a recipe for resentment and regret. Thanks for your post!

 

[Duvessa]

So glad to have come upon this website and in particular this forum as I can identify so strongly with what Selcouth has said about desperately wanting to meet that soulmate kind of friend, and feeling that the person who once filled that role has let you down.

I had a similar experience with a friend who was like a long-lost sister to me but eventually I felt like the relationship was totally one-sided, in that I made all the effort to visit her to hang out, even provided accommodation when she hit hard times and looked after her pet. In reward she became defensive when I met my partner and had to split time between her and my boyfriend. The last straw was when she disappeared on a night out with some random guy she had brought as a double date, arranged with me and my boyfriend, and returned 3 hours later when the bar was closing!

Its easy as an INFJ to be taken advantage of by narcissistic personality types, that is, until you begin to recognize the signs and learn to hold back a little. Still its sad to see that friendship come to an end, as I rarely meet people I just click with. However, I have come to understand that it was the right decision and I have to expect better out of those I chose to have in my life.

 

[kfg(atj]

So glad to have come upon this website and in particular this forum as I can identify so strongly with what Selcouth has said about desperately wanting to meet that soulmate kind of friend, and feeling that the person who once filled that role has let you down.

I had a similar experience with a friend who was like a long-lost sister to me but eventually I felt like the relationship was totally one-sided, in that I made all the effort to visit her to hang out, even provided accommodation when she hit hard times and looked after her pet. In reward she became defensive when I met my partner and had to split time between her and my boyfriend. The last straw was when she disappeared on a night out with some random guy she had brought as a double date, arranged with me and my boyfriend, and returned 3 hours later when the bar was closing!

Its easy as an INFJ to be taken advantage of by narcissistic personality types, that is, until you begin to recognize the signs and learn to hold back a little. Still its sad to see that friendship come to an end, as I rarely meet people I just click with. However, I have come to understand that it was the right decision and I have to expect better out of those I chose to have in my life.

So so glad you related to this! And welcome to this forum! I am new sorta new here but everyone has been great. And I've recently found a very good friend in another member on here. So enjoy your time here!