INFJ Male + INFJ Female dating

It sounds like a horrible old movie. A silent black and white film where all of the emotions are on their faces but no one speaks and an old lady is furiously playing a piano in the corner behind a curtain.

Sorry, I am a bit cynical these days. Haha.
 
I wouldn't know, I've never met an INFJ male except on here (that I'm aware of) and I certainly haven't been in a relationship with one. Though something tells me if there was an INFJ couple no one would ever see them.
 
Hoodie said:
I wouldn't know, I've never met an INFJ male except on here (that I'm aware of) and I certainly haven't been in a relationship with one. Though something tells me if there was an INFJ couple no one would ever see them.
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I have. I even dated him for a while. Honestly, I loved every minute that we were together. It felt like coming home to me. But he's a lot more introverted than I am, and just wasn't there... ever. People were anything but a priority to him and dating was a sore spot he wasn't ready to deal with.

When we broke it off we tried to be friends, but I couldn't keep it up without some real distance to heal from the feelings I had for him. I'm still working on that. I gave him a door close rather than a door slam, because I was hurting both of us and needed to not be able to talk to him (yay overpowering emotion!)

INFJ men seem to be even less emotionally forthcoming than we women are, but when they allow themselves to be affectionate, it's wonderful. they know intuitively what you'll respond to and what will make you feel loved, half because it's the same thing as they want and need.

This one is very (pardon my extreme nerdiness) Gryffindor. He's a perfect gentleman and would never intentionally hurt anyone, but has an incredible fire to protect the people he cares about.

On the downside, I found him nearly impossible to read. He knew all the tricks and had all the walls up. He'd been hurt before, so he was very wary. I don't think I was what he needed to help him heal from that. And if I was, he wasn't ready to heal.

Hope that helped a bit!
 
I think it could work well, but depends on the couple and to me, how well adapted to type they are. I've really only known male infj in real life (except my mother). If they were able to extrovert and deal with conflicts I think it could be great. It'd be weird though being around someone who can read people and see into you, the way we do.

I guess the big concern would be one getting hurt/down and the other picking it all up. Well attuned though, I think it might be an amazing combination.
 
I dated very briefly an INFJ woman. Problem was that I wasn't attracted to her enough :( Shallow I know but it's true. It was kinda awkward when we were together in person but over text it was like...wonderful. We'd write long texts and it would go on for hours. Some times it got pretty emotional actually because there was this intense harmony and understanding and we'd just dive deep into personal topics which was just beautiful. In person it felt awkward though. Like we both knew we had a lot going on inside. Had I been more attracted to her I think I'd have been able to push past awkwardness. Maybe I was awkward because I wanted to like her more than I did...but didn't. Hmm anyway I kinda ghosted on her and felt terrible about it. I really wanted her as a friend but didn't know how to say that. Stupid.
 
infjguy said:
I dated very briefly an INFJ woman. Problem was that I wasn't attracted to her enough :( Shallow I know but it's true. It was kinda awkward when we were together in person but over text it was like...wonderful. We'd write long texts and it would go on for hours. Some times it got pretty emotional actually because there was this intense harmony and understanding and we'd just dive deep into personal topics which was just beautiful. In person it felt awkward though. Like we both knew we had a lot going on inside. Had I been more attracted to her I think I'd have been able to push past awkwardness. Maybe I was awkward because I wanted to like her more than I did...but didn't. Hmm anyway I kinda ghosted on her and felt terrible about it. I really wanted her as a friend but didn't know how to say that. Stupid.
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I so wanna hit like.. but ? I think you should maybe msg or call her (better yet in person) and apologise. Not for not wanting to be with her as a partner (thats your right) but for not being clearer. I think you must know how much that would have hurt ? I say that for your benefit as much as hers, as i will guess even though it's a while ago, you still feel bad over it.

I am not being a 'critic' no one is perfect, but I think it would help you both. Who knows she might even have felt the same way and want to be friends. nothing ventured, nothing gained...
 
James said:
I so wanna hit like.. but ? I think you should maybe msg or call her (better yet in person) and apologise. Not for not wanting to be with her as a partner (thats your right) but for not being clearer. I think you must know how much that would have hurt ? I say that for your benefit as much as hers, as i will guess even though it's a while ago, you still feel bad over it.

I am not being a 'critic' no one is perfect, but I think it would help you both. Who knows she might even have felt the same way and want to be friends. nothing ventured, nothing gained...
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I did text her and apologize. I just didn't know at first if it was going to work. When I knew I stopped and it was really brief like a few dates. If it had been a longer relationship I would have never ghosted. My reasoning was to stop before she got attached to me. I felt shitty because I behaved poorly and didn't give her an explanation on exit as you point out. In my apology I told her that I acted immaturely and that I was sorry etc...
 
infjguy said:
I did text her and apologize. I just didn't know at first if it was going to work. When I knew I stopped and it was really brief like a few dates. If it had been a longer relationship I would have never ghosted. My reasoning was to stop before she got attached to me. I felt shitty because I behaved poorly and didn't give her an explanation on exit as you point out. In my apology I told her that I acted immaturely and that I was sorry etc...
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I should have guessed. INFJ gotta do the right thing.. I'm sorry and I understand, you did what you felt was best. that's all we can do in life imho. I went back and hit the like.
 
Scientia said:
@infjguy This is a problem I have noticed with INFJ guys. If they are immature, they can be incredibly hurtful. I know that I would not want to deal with this kind of thing in a relationship. I am surprised that you were able to apologize to her, especially on text. Maybe she was actually INFP?
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I don't understand why you find it surprising that I was able to apologize. I don't want to hurt anyone. I feel bad if I cause anyone pain. NiFe is aware of others feelings to a fault in my experience and apologizing when you realize pain you've dealt is like instinct...sometimes apologizing when there's nothing to apologize for. I'd say people with Fi have an easier time not apologizing than Fe.
 
infjguy said:
I don't understand why you find it surprising that I was able to apologize. I don't want to hurt anyone. I feel bad if I cause anyone pain. NiFe is aware of others feelings to a fault in my experience and apologizing when you realize pain you've dealt is like instinct...sometimes apologizing when there's nothing to apologize for. I'd say people with Fi have an easier time not apologizing than Fe.
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That she accepted your apology surprised me.
 
Ninae said:
I have. I even dated him for a while. Honestly, I loved every minute that we were together. It felt like coming home to me. But he's a lot more introverted than I am, and just wasn't there... ever. People were anything but a priority to him and dating was a sore spot he wasn't ready to deal with.

When we broke it off we tried to be friends, but I couldn't keep it up without some real distance to heal from the feelings I had for him. I'm still working on that. I gave him a door close rather than a door slam, because I was hurting both of us and needed to not be able to talk to him (yay overpowering emotion!)

INFJ men seem to be even less emotionally forthcoming than we women are, but when they allow themselves to be affectionate, it's wonderful. they know intuitively what you'll respond to and what will make you feel loved, half because it's the same thing as they want and need.

This one is very (pardon my extreme nerdiness) Gryffindor. He's a perfect gentleman and would never intentionally hurt anyone, but has an incredible fire to protect the people he cares about.

On the downside, I found him nearly impossible to read. He knew all the tricks and had all the walls up. He'd been hurt before, so he was very wary. I don't think I was what he needed to help him heal from that. And if I was, he wasn't ready to heal.

Hope that helped a bit!
Click to expand...

I believe there is a injury from childhood in most INFJs. It generally comes from parents that make them feel like their feelings don't matter. It's not always intentional as parents have their own issues and traumas from childhood and most do the best they can (there are exceptions). With that said, two similar injuries can be hard to work through in a relationship.

Socionics defines INFJ - INFJ relationships as "Identical.":

- "These are relations of complete understanding between partners but with an inability to help each other. Identical partners see the world with identical eyes, identically work out received information, come to identical conclusions and have identical problems."
- "Interaction with an Identical partner may quickly become boring."
- "If the two are introverts, one often subconsciously attempts to take care of the extroverted side"
- Good for self development - similar to watching a video of ones self.

Bottom line, it's hard to grow as a person when you're in an identical relationship.

Here's a link if you want to read the entire description on identical relations:

http://www.socionics.com/rel/idn.htm

Personally, I believe the depth of two INFJs could be highly insightful but also overwhelming and depressing. As a friend it would be great to get together occasionally so they could help each other recognize their feelings; however, as a partner I think it would stagnate and lack good challenge or growth.

Of course, I'm with an ESTJ, which is considered my dual (searched for one specifically when dating), and is identified as the most optimal. All of our external functions line up with corresponding internal functions of the other partner. Growth is optimal and we both get what we need. Yes their are still argument; there is a trade off for getting to experience all of that sensory stuff (lower intuition). SO, if I want to be understood at a deep level I can go to INFJs.com. :)
 
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