INFJ & ENFJ = the perfect friendship? | INFJ Forum

INFJ & ENFJ = the perfect friendship?

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phaedra

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Jan 2, 2015
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I am going to make this post short and simple, as I am asking a simple question. I have been best friends with an ENFJ for 7 years now. Over the years, I have become much more extroverted, and she much more introverted. It is almost as though we complement each other, like together we make a whole. I don't know if it is because we grew up together (starting from age 14 to now), or if it really is because her extroverted side is the perfect complement to my introverted side. On another note, she is the only one that truly feels as deeply as I do, the only difference is that she is just much better and at ease at expressing herself. In this way, I've learned to not let people walk all over me as much, and she has learned from my more calm and relaxed demeanor that not everything needs to be a confrontation, or is even worth her effort to get angry/sad/emotional about. I was wondering if it is the NFJ at play... I've never been able to connect with someone so deeply, trust someone so much, and actually have them UNDERSTAND my craziness and feelings. I can get really intense and so can she, but we love that intensity in the other and we know how to deal with it, whereas most people would not want nor know how to deal with it. And she is also the first friend that I've felt gives instead of taking. Many of my other friendships I've noticed that I give everything to this person while they won't reciprocate anything in return (emotions, love, etc). We both are givers, which I will say is an amazing dynamic in a friendship. I will admit that there have been MANY hardships in our friendship, more so than hardships in other friendships, but that goes along with every friendship ever. In conclusion, is the ENFJ the perfect match for the INFJ? Why do you think so if you do, or why don't you think so?
 
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I loved this post! I dated an ENFJ years ago and he was a fantastic friend. I completely understand what you are saying.
 
Hrrm. I don't know. I know an ENFJ, and while he taught me piano, it isn't that far. This sounds like Dualism.

Sorry for my skepticism.
 
Both me and my ENFJ friend have been together since kindergarten, and I just want to say it's one of the most interesting friendships you can get. She can really, really care about you (as in, you're eating too much, and iced tea is unhealthy, here I'll make a plan for your "diet"), but I've found it's one of her best qualities. She's succeeded in making me a bit more outgoing to others, but I don't think I'll ever be able to make her more introverted.
Honestly, she's taught me a lot over the years. She loves people, and she took pity on me years ago when I was crying in the corner of the classroom because I colored the groundhog brown instead of orange, like the instructions said. Since then, she's been like my rock (not really emotionally; just someone who understands my quirks). I couldn't ask for anything more from her.
 
That's interesting. Have you ever had an ENFP best friend that you could compare that relationship to?
 
I have met a guy who was my dual. He was the substitute teacher, and I was the only one who was quiet. He asked me all sorts of questions. Like why was that girl over there sitting by that guy who just threw food at her? And how does this class function when the teacher is here? My answer of course, was to the fact that the teacher was that impressive. He knew exactly how to handle the class, which I find admirable. Now of course, the sub wasn't too strict. He was more of a laissez faire kind of person. If you don't do your work then it isn't his problem. Note, dualism isn't just love relationships. Obviously there are same sex duals. This was one of them, I think. Either that, or he was my ident. Think he was my dual though. Or my semi-dual. His leadership skills left something to be desired, so semi-dual. I've met two semi-duals then, I think.

As for an ENFP relationship, I see ENFP as being similar to the most popular incarnations of the doctor. Now, this would be conflicting, because we have two leader figures here. You can't have two leaders, it would make no sense, and we both know this. A power struggle is created. See this. http://www.socionics.com/rel/cnt.htm

Now as a note, the doctor by the nature of his being is likely INFJ. But a sort of perfect INFJ. With perfect masks. INFJs by their very nature are imperfect.
 
My brother is an ENFP and he his the second person that I have the deepest connection with. I just love how outgoing he is and not afraid to say anything.
 
Too long, did not read it. You both have a lot of redundant functions that will retard the entropy of any given conversation thereby creating a complexity of tiny meta conversations. Why do you inquire of the forum about your personal experiences? Such a perspective is malignant for it is you whom bare the onus for your own experiences. Precise questions have simple answers. And likewise simple questions have very imprecise answers.
 
Mine may have been too long, but you unnecessarily used scholarly words, where you could have easily made it simpler. Quite interesting...
 
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The only thing i noticed about ENFJs are that they talk a LOT more than infjs. So yes; they are not shy of their expression. Sounds like you have a deep connection which is rare to find. It could be a strong base for a fulfilling relationship. I do think connecting in a deep way like that is a must for INFJs. I don't know any infjs who would consider any relationship if there was not a stronger and deeper connection.
 
I would totally agree with your description of ENFJs. A lot like us, they just love talking!
 
Dohavior said:
Too long, did not read it. You both have a lot of redundant functions that will retard the entropy of any given conversation thereby creating a complexity of tiny meta conversations. Why do you inquire of the forum about your personal experiences? Such a perspective is malignant for it is you whom bare the onus for your own experiences. Precise questions have simple answers. And likewise simple questions have very imprecise answers.
Click to expand...

Well, I like the complex answers. Sometimes, all I have is myself. And this is what you see here. Myself. Now, of course that is years of pent up frustration being dumped into the internet, but either way. There is no true answer for the question at hand. I looked for the best answer, and if it does not satisfy you, present your own.

As a note, if it is too long, why did you make yours of similar length?
 
It really is a great friendship in my case. My friend is an ENFJ, and we've been friends for 7 years now. I can talk to her, and she can talk to me, so it's great. Our only issues happen to occur when we're in a large group. She still doesn't quite understand that I am an introvert and I'd rather observe than participate in all of the small talk. Besides that, the only other real thing that comes up is the fact that she can't quite understand my dominant Ni, and that's where we can run into problems (I have premonitions and selective precognition - she doesn't quite grasp that it's a thing), but other than that, an ENFJ is a great friend to have, especially if you want to talk about your feelings.
 
Our similar functions and order would help, I would believe.

Never really met an ENFJ tho; I think so at least.
 
interests and social grouping have a lot to do with what makes a great friend. i had an enfj friend and we were just terrible for each other. i wasn't open enough, the enfj wasn't willing to carry the friendship as much as i was.

i've had deep and long friendships with people that i am pretty sure on mbti paper should've been terrible for me. there's no two people that are alike.
 
I have a gay male INFJ friend from my childhood I feel similarly about :) we also have an ENFP girlfriend in our little NF trio
 
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