INFJ a bit insecure about her ENTP boyfriend | INFJ Forum

INFJ a bit insecure about her ENTP boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by bluenile, Jun 22, 2009.

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  1. bluenile

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    I am an INFJ currently dating my first ENTP. I love how social he is, how great he is at assessing people and situations and making people laugh or feel comfortable. He also turns everything around us into magic and is probably the most romantic person I've ever been with.

    This is also a man with a far more colorful and populated sexual past than I have. It's become something of an issue for me, because for the first several years of our acquaintance, I was just one of the many women he was sleeping with (including his girlfriend!). I know he's serious about me, but I'm having a hard time reconciling what we were to each other before and what we are now. I'm afraid that he could change his mind again, just as quickly. I don't know how much to trust him.

    I know ENTPs and INFJs are supposed to be good matches, if you believe that sort of thing, but I just can't see how the freewheeling ENTP who loves the game and the INFJ who seeks deep, committed relationships are supposed to make it work.

    Why does an ENTP decide to commit? In a relationship, how does the ENTP get the novelty and challenge he craves? How does an INFJ get the intimacy and assurance she needs without overwhelming or scaring off the ENTP?
     
    #1 bluenile, Jun 22, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2009
  2. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I'm not seeing the problem. Too much context not enough problem.

    I've reread this twice and I can't see the problem.
     
  3. OP
    bluenile

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    Fixed.
     
    #3 bluenile, Jun 22, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2009
  4. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    bring up novel ideas, be open to adventures, and be spontaneous in bed...

    it's not as if novelty requires a new woman every day.
     
  5. Bored Now

    On Holiday

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    An infj having trust issues with an ENTP. *gasp* I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you!

    I've got no advice. ENTP dudes make me feel uncharacteristically insecure too. But that's the slightly thrilling part, in a weird way. Although, I'd probably never date one seriously. I don't think they bring out the best in me, to be frank. I think that's important. I don't like feeling that vulnerable either. Its exhausting. Now INTPs on the other hand or INTJs.... Yum!
     
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  6. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    There in lies the problem.lol
     
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  7. OP
    bluenile

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    Ha!

    Well, I've done my best to make it more succinct and ENTP-friendly.
     
  8. Ortorin

    Ortorin Community Member

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    As you've allready discovered, ENTP's are a hidden gem of love and romance... but we are fickle.

    For me, it's the 2-3 month area where I start questioning the relationship. If the girl I'm with can't keep my attention during that time, I'll end up leaving her. You need to keep his attention untill it is turned fully on you.

    ENTP's allways have their mind everywhere, dabbling in all thoughts and ideas. Once something sticks in their mind though, they HAVE to see the whole thing through or else be compleatly pissed off about not getting what they wanted done. The same thing applies to relationships. He will continue to want to look for more girls and play, but if you can get him to turn his attention fully onto you, and in latter time KEEP that attention turned to you, you will have a highly devoted and loving man.

    I hope some of what I'm saying is making sense. If you want anything more in-depth, just ask.
     
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  9. Might I speak from the perspective of a male regarding this situation?

    I'm not a social person by nature, but I've been with enough women in short spans of times to be labelled as "easy" or "a player" but those too ignorant to get to know me. Despite this, I have always been sincere, courteous, and respectful to whomever I have been with. I have never cheated on anyone, abused their trust, or dropped them for another woman.

    The point I'm trying to make it... it's a matter of trust. Communication is the key in any relationship.

    The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to tell him about your insecurity regarding this. You will really want to emphasise to him, quietly and calmly, that the issue isn't with him, but your own personal self-doubt. If he's a half decent guy, he will do his best to reassure you that he won't do something like that.

    It's up to you to trust him afterwards though.
     
  10. anarkandi

    anarkandi Community Member

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    I think, the longer the relationship, the more stable it gets, when it's entp/infj, since we're always improving things, trying to make things better. And I fully understand what you're talking about, the insecurity in dating someone like that. If we get their trust and get them to communicate, it's great, but it takes time to make it happen. Don't be too needy about it, but if you really need them to open up to you and have trouble trusting them, you might need to drill in and make them open up.

    I've had plenty of relationships, but I've never cheated on anyone or so, .. and I'm still really insecure about the person I'm dating, if I like them, I really like them, and it hurts to see if they don't feel the same way or feel things as strongly.
     
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