I can't seem to get it right | INFJ Forum

I can't seem to get it right


Regular Poster
Feb 19, 2010
I understand I am an INFJ (and sometimes an INFP, I was told by a professor) so making friends is difficult. Is it an INFJ/P thing to be so afraid of what to say on one end of the spectrum to the other end where I seem to offend people? The latter is what I find to be my most recent offenses. It seems I get so excited that I just start talking. The way I am talking is not any different than when I talk to someone I do know, so it's not as if I am being fake (which I don't think I am capable of anyway) or I scare them away.

I have known for 7 years that I am INFJ, but only recently started to try and pick apart what it means for me, my life and how the problems I have caused/created/endured have resulted from being an INFJ or if they are a result of being just messed up or otherwise socially inept.

Any advice? :mpff:
I have this problem too and regularly offend people when I get excited and talk a lot. Then I feel horrible and am afraid to talk until the feeling wears off and the cycle repeats itself. My advice is to try and find a balance where you can talk a decent amount and be friendly to people but not to the point of saying the wrong thing. You will eventually find people who will accept that you aren't quite as outgoing and become comfortable with it and like you as a friend, which isn't to say that you can't/won't talk for hours at a stretch with someone (because talking one on one with someone is typically a lot of fun). Mostly, remember that it is unlikely that anyone is anywhere near as critical of you as you are of yourself. I've done terrible things that I regret, but the person that I did them too doesn't even remember or care, so I figure it is better to just forget about those things and realize that I'm probably overreacting.

Also, being INFJ doesn't equal being messed up or socially inept. Just because you aren't an extrovert who says every mindless thing that comes to you (though INFJs are completely capable of being mindless) doesn't make you inept (you're only perceived as such, which is different). I'd say that society should bear more of the responsibility for loathing and stigmatizing introversion and intellectualism than should the individual.
Dragon, that was a great post.

My problem was that I spent so many years being whatever people wanted me to be, at any given time that I lost sight of who I was. I hated it when people would urge me to open up or express myself because I really had nothing to say!

I wonder if it's an infj trait to put ones foot in ones mouth :) because I've done it more times than I can count.
Dragon, I agree with Sumone. A truly great post! Sometimes I do find a balance but I feel as though I become overly confident in my abilities and go a little nutty, over the edge... I surely do not want to be an extrovert if for no reason than it's not me, at all. I have one somewhat good friend, but not the type that I would prefer to have, if that makes sense?! I guess I would like to have a friend that I could hang out with sometimes, to just talk. She and I work together once every 2 weeks. I would liek to make another friend if for other reason than my boyfriend feels I demand too much from him. If I did, I would admitt it. I don't. I also agree that I am extremely critical of myself.