[INFJ] How to let people in?

sandinmypocket

sandinmypocket

Two
MBTI
INFJ
Hey everyone!

This is my first time doing something like this so I'm not exactly sure what to do....but here goes!

I am an INFJ. I love having discovered this because now so much about my life makes so much more sense now. Like most INFJs I have a very small circle of people I trust and actually open up to. It's hard, I don't want to burden anyone and being vulnerable sucks. I've been dating a guy for about 8 months now and I really think he's the one but I'm having the hardest time opening up to him and letting him see the real me. Instead of talking to him about things I treat him crappy and that's totally not how I am as a person so I don't understand why I do it. In my head, I tell him everything that's on my mind, but when he's actually sitting in front of me I can hardly spit a sentence out. I've tried writing things down, but at some point I have to be able to open up to him or this relationship will never work.

How do you fellow INFJs handle relationships? I want to be close to him but I want my space, I want to open up but I don't want to talk, I want to need him but I don't want to need him. All my feeling contradict themselves and I'm so completely lost right now. =(
 
It's usually the best policy to ignore the emotions that don't make sense.
sandinmypocket said:
How do you fellow INFJs handle relationships?
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Even when nervous, I tend to verbalize what's on my mind if it seems rational to say. There's a lot to be gained in stepping out of one's comfort zone.
 
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I find that it is around this point that s couple of my relationships have failed precisely because of the feelings you’re describing. I think what I’d tell my younger self, and you, is that the yearning you feel for a deeper connection is also a feeling of a lack of a deeper connection. It can feel intolerable, but understand that it is probably not because of something the person you’re dating is or isn’t doing. So, own that the feeling is yours and that it is up to you to resolve those feelings, not the other person. Sometimes, it takes time to develop and you have to allow that to happen naturally. And, if it turns out that the emotional connection just isn’t there, then it might mean he’s not the person for you. Sometimes, you might like a guy for who he is, but not have that connection with him.
 
Dear Sandinmypocket,
I can so relate to your problem. If you are having problems communicating with a certain person, then your inner self may be trying to tell you that something is not right between you. If you are treating him like crap, then once again, listen to your inner self. Life is just unfolding for you. Give the relationship one full year before jumping into it. Keep it light, learn more about this person and what your attraction is to him. As an INFJ we are open to people who want to use us or take advantage of our Empathic nature, you may be feeling this from this person. Trouble communicating, in my opinion, is a warning sign. You should not be afraid to talk about anything with the RIGHT person.
 
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