How much passion does a relationship need to survive? | INFJ Forum

How much passion does a relationship need to survive?

Gaze

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How much passion does a relationship need to survive or last for the long term? What should this passion be based on beyond the momentary desire to be with the person? If not passion, what is that "thing" which should be there for the relationship to keep going? Does being bored in a relationship signify no passion? Should a relationship end because there is no passion? Can passion really be rekindled if it's declined?
 
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You have to have some sort of baseline. Like you need to find your partner generally attractive in some deep and meaningful way. This baseline is derived from a very intimate friendship. This is the thing that is sometimes lost, but always repairable if both people are willing. As the passion ebbs and flows you'll always have that baseline. A lot of people seem to believe that once they just find "the one" then they'll have some sort of super-human transformation in passion. In a way it's true, because that baseline is constant and easy and simple, but humans don't naturally live in a state of constant passion and it's unreasonable to think that your partner or yourself will ever live in such a way.
 
I take it you mean physical passion. But there are other types of passions too that drive relationships. Intellectual passion, emotional passion. These are just as real and driving for me. I think the answer to your question depends on what type of person you are. Some personality types don't even like a lot of physical passion in their relationships. I do think it's possible to rekindle physical passion. From personal experiences, this can occur after the passing of an illness or alleviation of emotional stress, leaving both parties feeling good and ready to get it on.
 
I have to post something here…
Having a rheumatological back problem with flare-ups and pinched things can put a damper on things sexually sometimes.
Not to mention, most of the drugs used to treat such things, add fuel to the fire or…lack of fuel actually.
There are times when being sexually intimate is the very last thing on my mind…this coming from a guy who has a pretty healthy libido still…it’s just the whole, this is gonna hurt like fuck - literally..hehe, thing that gets in the way.
I can drug myself up ahead of time, but I don’t want that other person to feel that I must be under the influence of something to find them sexually attractive and want to have sex with them.
Long story….TMI later…there are a lot of reasons why things can fizzle out from time to time, that is why it is so very important to be able to communicate with that other person.
It’s a hard subject to bring up.
 
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I have to post something here…
Having a rheumatological back problem with flare-ups and pinched things can put a damper on things sexually sometimes.
Not to mention, most of the drugs used to treat such things, add fuel to the fire or…lack of fuel actually.
There are times when being sexually intimate is the very last thing on my mind…this coming from a guy who has a pretty healthy libido still…it’s just the whole, this is gonna hurt like fuck - literally..hehe, thing that gets in the way.
I can drug myself up ahead of time, but I don’t want that other person to feel that I must be under the influence of something to find them sexually attractive and want to have sex with them.
Long story….TMI later…there are a lot of reasons why things can fizzle out from time to time, that is why it is so very important to be able to communicate with that other person.
It’s a hard subject to bring up.

Thank you for sharing something so personal. Sounds like the passion or interest is still there. However, the physical expression is perhaps difficult or limited because of health concerns, which is understandable. However, I think your partner is likely understanding of your feelings and probably recognizes or appreciates the other ways you show you care and want her. I think if you let your partner know in other ways besides the physical, that they are loved, wanted, and needed, they will be more understanding if their SO is unable to express it physically.

My question about passion maybe has to do with how intense it has to be, in order for a relationship to continue in a way that makes both people continue to have the same desire for the person. Does someone need a strong desire for the person to continue wanting to be with them? That's another query. At some point, acceptance, commitment, and contentment seem to be necessary traits, maybe more so than passion.
 
@Gist Physical passion is of minimal importance overall, though the degree to which it can sway things varies from person to person. Like @PintoBean says, there are different types of passion. As long as that baseline interest is there - which is like a compilation of all passions - then the love you have for the person is an intense passion itself. Physical passion is just one piece of the pie, and for some people it's a large slice and for others it's barely a crumb.
 
I didn't really have a particular type of passion in mind. Could be physical, mental, emotional, etc. I left it fairly open to however anyone understood or interpreted the concept based on their own experience.
 
I thought that might be the case. I just thought it was important to clarify my own definitions of what I was talking about.

In general terms, you have to have passion for the other person. Passion for their life, their success, their growth.
 
I didn't really have a particular type of passion in mind. Could be physical, mental, emotional, etc. I left it fairly open to however anyone understood or interpreted the concept based on their own experience.

For what it's worth, I find it harder to rekindle emotional/intellectual connections than physical. As [MENTION=5045]Skarekrow[/MENTION] mentioned, physical factors can limit things in the bedroom, but I find passions of the heart run much deeper. Once someone has disappointed me or proved to me they are someone other than I had thought, it's hard for the passion/connection to be rekindled. In my marriage, I find that things are good because we respect each other's minds and hearts and have continued to grow with each other that way. I couldn't feel any sort of passion about someone that I couldn't have a serious mind connection with.
 
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I find passions of the heart run much deeper.

Love this - ditto!

When I get old and my body begins to fall apart, I hope that we will still be able to hold hands...no words needed - just to touch and be able to see you would be passion enough for me.
 
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How much passion does a relationship need to survive or last for the long term? What should this passion be based on beyond the momentary desire to be with the person? If not passion, what is that "thing" which should be there for the relationship to keep going? Does being bored in a relationship signify no passion? Should a relationship end because there is no passion? Can passion really be rekindled if it's declined?

How much passion is needed is highly dependent on the two people involved in that relationship, everybody has different wants and desires and the relationship together needs to adjust to meet those as a collective whole. The want to be in the relationship, with that person, for the long term is what the passion is based on beyond the momentary desire. Both people need the desire to be together, to work on things, to improve things, and just in general put effort into making the relationship better and to continually tend the flame of passion. Boredom is just a natural stage that happens between any two people, if both people want to rekindle the passion and overcome the boredom then they will. Passion is something that must be tended and cared for, something you want. Same with relationships. If one or both parties in the relationship quit trying then things get stale real quick and it starts to fall apart. Desire, wanting the commitment, and effort are what keeps it all alive.

If you have two people in a relationship putting in effort to keeping the passion alive. Showing their partner just how special they think they are. Committing to the relationship fully and prioritizing it in their lives. Working through the struggles with an eye to the future. If all those happen I don't see how passion in general could ever disappear...and if one or both partners in a relationship aren't willing to put in that effort for those things then I have no idea why they are in a relationship in the first place.
 
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I take it you mean physical passion. But there are other types of passions too that drive relationships. Intellectual passion, emotional passion. These are just as real and driving for me. I think the answer to your question depends on what type of person you are. Some personality types don't even like a lot of physical passion in their relationships. I do think it's possible to rekindle physical passion. From personal experiences, this can occur after the passing of an illness or alleviation of emotional stress, leaving both parties feeling good and ready to get it on.

i agree with this! also the relationship maturity plays an important role in passion. relationships while very young can be full of passion but not enough emotional or spiritual passion and can sizzle out and vice versa for older people. Some people will put passion higher on their scale than lets say trust or understanding and so forth; which leads to the conclusion that it all depends on what the individual wants out of the relationship and from the person. maybe it helps that some people are more passionate than others as well. from my experience; passion helps A LOT to make a relationship work; but other things are needed as well to make it work. but it definitely helps!
 
My question about passion maybe has to do with how intense it has to be, in order for a relationship to continue in a way that makes both people continue to have the same desire for the person. Does someone need a strong desire for the person to continue wanting to be with them? That's another query. At some point, acceptance, commitment, and contentment seem to be necessary traits, maybe more so than passion.

A person needs to want the other person and the relationship to create that desire and passion. Blindly expecting desire and passion just to happen on its own forever without tending to it is a good way for it to disappear completely. Having intimacy and vulnerability (...your partner knows all your secrets and you trust them not to use it against you) is a good place to build the foundations of desire and passion.
 
Scattered brain, sorry.

Personally, when I meet a girl that is able to stop time and leave my heart fluttering like a hummingbird in the paused world I would put every effort into letting her know just how special she is to me every chance I get in every way I can, forever. Even during those periods that time starts again and my heart might not be fluttering like it did. I keep it alive because it is important to me. Passion, desire, intimacy, and love to me are nurtured and cared for; not assumed and not taken for granted.
 
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To quote Lao Tzu, "The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long."
In my experience passion alone doesn't get any relationship very far. And having had only passion driven relationships I'd say it's the last thing needed for a long term relationship.
 
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Thank you for sharing something so personal. Sounds like the passion or interest is still there. However, the physical expression is perhaps difficult or limited because of health concerns, which is understandable. However, I think your partner is likely understanding of your feelings and probably recognizes or appreciates the other ways you show you care and want her. I think if you let your partner know in other ways besides the physical, that they are loved, wanted, and needed, they will be more understanding if their SO is unable to express it physically.

My question about passion maybe has to do with how intense it has to be, in order for a relationship to continue in a way that makes both people continue to have the same desire for the person. Does someone need a strong desire for the person to continue wanting to be with them? That's another query. At some point, acceptance, commitment, and contentment seem to be necessary traits, maybe more so than passion.

Our relationship is probably THE best relationship that I have ever had.
Both of us are the same age…both are INFJ-A…both of us are divorced…there are so many things that make our relationship really great.
She is the only person that I have ever felt that there wasn’t some small part of myself that I needed to keep hidden.
Or just having to explain myself to people…I don’t have to with Sensiko…she understands me in a totally unspoken and spoken way.
And things in relationships change…for example...sometimes, I feel great physically and so I tend to try and make up for things (in every arena) when I can.
She sees what goes on in my life…she has seen me in intractable pain…she knows I do my best for her…and I know she does that for me.
There are many, many other ways to show someone you love them besides making love.
Just snuggling on the couch increases your Oxytocin, the chemical in your brain that forms feelings of love and bonding.
I do all the cooking…I do this because I enjoy it, but I also enjoy putting real passion and love into whatever I’m making because I’m hoping some of that translates into at least somewhat of an understanding of how much I care for them.
 
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Passion. Hmmmm
 
? Maybe as much as there was?
 
I feel like a good stout love should contain Eros, Agape, Storge, and Philia all to a certain extent. Just my opinion.
 
My experience:
Passion breeds passion, love breeds love.
Don't neglect it for too long, or you will eventually drift apart.